JJ- What are some signs and symptoms of a mid life crisis? I have thought my H has been in one for a while, but C thought he was too young (38).
We were married at 18 and had 2 kids by 21. So our "adult" lives started earlier than most. It would make sense that now, kids are 18 and 21, leaving the nest and he wakes up and says what has happened with my life.
Hi Water, Something sounded familiar to me in your post - my H is 37, and seems to be in a MLC as well. My C when first hearing about our situation, asked how old H was, and said, he's a little young, but that may be what's going on. Since your adult lives started sooner than some, I think it may be likely your H is having a MLC too, especially if the signs are there. It seems that maybe it's the circumstances in a person's life more than their age that's important. Just a thought! Hang in there. Mockers2
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
Quoting water_runs_dry: JJ-
What are some signs and symptoms of a mid life crisis? I have thought my H has been in one for a while, but C thought he was too young (38)
Well, water, I was kinda hesitant on starting this thread, just 'cuz I'm not "quite" exactly sure of what "MLC" is!!
Or, at the very least, MY opinion of it differs from many of the people here!!
I don't believe that it's so much a "disease" that starts or stops any any particular age.
I think it's more of a "dis-ease", that can come along at ANY time of life, and can be "caught" by ANYbody, at ANYtime, when they are slapped in the face by the reality of life.
Personally, I'm an old hippie from the Bay Area who's more comfortable with the "Identity Crisis" label!!
To me, it doesn't matter so much what your age might be, it seems to matter more what your circumstances are.
When you were 18 years old, where did you think your life was going to be by now? What did you think you were going to be doing?
How much money were you going to have? How many vacations were you going to be going on? To where?
How big was your savings account gonna be? How much money could you just blow each week?
What about your husband / or wife? How much fun was it going to be to be married? How wonderful was it going to be to be able to spend all that time with the person you were having so much fun being around now? Not to mention all the GREAT sex ANYTIME you wanted it!!!
The kids you have are going to be SOOO great!! You know just how to raise them, (totally the opposite of how YOUR parents did it), and they're gonna love you and respect you and honor you, just like they should!! Just 'cuz you're soooo cool!
Should I go on, or do you catch my drift?!
I think that "MLC" comes along when reality slaps you in the face, and you wake up to realize that your life ain't all what you thought it was supposed to be.
There usually seems to be some kind of "trigger" that sets things into play, whether we, or those around us, can see it or not.
You don't know just exactly what you're supposed to do now, but you know that whoever ain't FOR you is workin' AGAINST you.
If you ain't part of the solution, well then baby, you're part of the problem.
Did that last part sound a bit "immature"?
It probably does, but it seems that this is some of what we're up against.
I guess that I just have to question how many times that WE have had some of these same thoughts, but have found the strength within ourselves to not let them take control of our lives, and our actions?
If we DID let these thoughts overtake us, and cause us to take drastic actions to make changes in our lives, to either find a new reality, or to help us confirm that our present reality is where we want to be, what would we want from the people that are closest to us? The people that we love the most?
JJ
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I think you are right on with the MLC. I think it can strike at any age. As far as I can tell its more like you said an idenity crisis. The SO wakes up one day and says holy SH!t where has my life gone. Im not doing anything important I havent been anywhere, I dont have a great job making lots of money. That kind of stuff. Then they look around and say why is it like this. They see there S and go it has to be that person that has caused this and then they fall of the planet.
I think MLC is not only a problem of identity crisis, it's also a problem of "maturity" crisis. The S is unhappy with life. It happens to people who think that happiness should be given to them by someone else. They aren't matured enough to understand that happiness is a choice. You chose to be happy no matter what. Happiness is inside, it's something that we give to ourselves. When you understand that you also realize that the problems, the difficulty of life are temporary, they cannot take our happiness from us. You become mentally positive and see the good side of each difficulty and focus on the positive. As a glass fills half with water may be seen as half full or half empty depending on our state of mind. MLC may be avoided. It is not inevitable. However, it could only be avoided when we understand those truths. Those truths may be found in us and when we allow ourselves to be surrounded by good books and by good people.
Quoting Michele:I thought I would help those of you with spouses who are dealing with Mid Life Crises by posting a chapter in the Divorce Remedy on the subject. Hope this helps!
Thank you for posting this chapter on the internet. When it happens to you, nothing makes any sense.
For me, reading what Michele had to say about this helped me to formulate a plan. It helped me to see what was going on. It helped me to know I needed patience.
What helped me most was my personal phone consultation, and the input from the MLC forum assuring me that my H was in MLC. That was last year. This year life is good and we are "in love" again.
I do honestly credit Michele and her principles for saving my marriage. I am not alone. I have seen many people able to turn their relationships around, on this board, over the past year.
