Partner left after 9 years - friends is a start?

[MichelleLT]

I'm glad you will get a chance to see him this weekend. And congrats on the class - sounds awesome! Yeah, weather definitely puts a damper on outdoor activities. It'll be nicer soon though.

[ba065]

Ali:

I hope you do get the chance to see BF this weekend....BUT...don't be disappointed if it doesn't work out. Don't have ANY expectations whatsoever. You need to Act As If while you are together. You CANNOT be disappointed if things don't go the way you want them to...because in all reality, they probably won't.

I don't mean to be a downer, but I've been there/done that. You need to accept what he can give you now....it may not be all that you want, but keep in mind, he's doing the best he can for right now. So if it's just a 15 minute visit...that's what it is.

I know how very hurt you are, and how hard it is to face each day and have the strength to keep moving forward. But you must do this for yourself first and everything else will fall into place.

Remember....no expectations, no disappointment...that way if things go well, you will be pleasantly surprised...but if they don't you won't be devastated.

(((((((((Ali))))))))) I'll be thinking of you!

BA

[AliSuddenly]

Thanks BA ! Yes, it is amazing that yet again he asks me on a Friday what I am doing on the weekend and arranges to see me. I cant quite believe it ! But then considering how strong and loving our R, I couldnt believe he dumped me either :-) He knows he has a stack of post to collect, so think I will see him.

Whenever he came over after the bomb and before NC after Christmas he always stayed around 2-3 hours. The last two visits after NC were 3 hours and then 4 1/2 huors! So I guess I'm expecting around 3 hours with him, possibly out and about in town. Any more will be amazing ! And if he wants me to help choose his brothers present, that would also be amazing. Dont know what to expect! Dont know what to wear! Only got one skirt which isnt a summer one (or unflattering) and I wore that last time he came over. So might have to throw that on again but my sister pointed out that men often wear the same stuff and its not such a big deal to them that we have a "new" outfit on, more that we look nice.

I will be sad though as its my birthday next weekend and he is away. Hes going back to our hometown, possibly on Thursday, which is what I was planning to do !! So I am debating asking him for a lift as he will be driving..but thats 3 1/2 hours in the car, maybe 4. Probably he wouldnt want to. Have to see how tommorow pans out and if he mentions my birthday at all (was one of my goals !!). I am so grateful for the chance to see him. I know Michelle yuo said maybe it would be better if I didnt, and I was thiking about that - I know they say in the DB book to not always be available, turn down some invitations, but I dont think we're at that stage yet? I'm not getting enough invites to have chance to turn some down!? And I think the situation is obviously still precarious, despite the 12 emails Thursday and the 4 today and a possible meeting tommorow, the sitch is still that "its over". Until he says anything to the contrary.

Feel as nervous as a kitten at a toddlers tea party !!

Ali
_______________
Me: 36
H: 34
LT: 9 years
ILYBINILWY: 2 Nov 07
Own apartment: 26 Jan 08

[Maya44]

As I'm always told here......Breathe, sweets, Breathe!
Enjoy your time with him and if something gets cancelled then do something else that's enjoyable for you. Just relax and enjoy though!

[MichelleLT]

Lol. I was saying it might be good not to see him not for DBing or turning down invites, but for your mental health. So you wouldn't be as nervous as a kitten at a toddler's tea part!

That's only 4 hours out of your weekend though. What fun stuff are you gonna do with the rest of it!

[AliSuddenly]

Oh I see ! No I feel excited nervous! It will be nice to see him, it was so special the last few times and we get on so well, there is no acrimony or bda feeling between us. In fact, in the museum we were going round pointing out exhibits and chatting and apart from the not touching, you coildnt tell we had split up! I do hope I see him, as I am sure it will be lovely.

I hope I look nice! Feeling a bit of a skinny minnie and underfed and look a bit tired ...
Going round to my best mates house Saturday night...the one that hit his W (!!!) to see his W and drink wine, so thats good. Then I have to watch the kids whilst she goes pick him up, he has been in Berlin (I am defo glad I didnt go! So no regrets at least). Feel wierd I found out he hit his W though, dont know what to do about that as she begged me not to tell him I know.

Suppose I shouldnt be bringing up any R talks or suggest a hug or try a sneaky kiss on the cheek if my BF hugs me?? THinking of you Kalni and your full kiss on the lips of your H !

Ali

[One Day]

Hey Ali!

You know the answer to the last questions! No! No OR talks, no suggesting a hug. No sneaky kissing! Let him lead you.

Did I read right? 12 e-mails in one day? Not bad going- I'm jealous- will have to try some guitar encouragement on my H!!

Glad you're feeling a little better this evening- very exciting about the meeting with BF; I'll be thinking of you,

L.

[Virtually_Handsome]

(((((Ali)))))
Have a great weekend! And turn your analyser off! You sound good, just take it slow and easy, ok? Less is more!

[MichelleLT]

I think no R talks definitely. Probably not on the kiss on the cheek.

Hugs...it depends. I hug most of my friends, so it's hard for my H to claim that hugging him is somehow clingy or weird. If you guys used to hug as friends, then I say go for it if it feels right. But don't turn it into a long, clingy hug.

I hope you do have a wonderful time, both with him and with your friend. It sounds like she really needs someone to listen to her and support her right now.

[Essie]

Do not chase him! It will mean so much more if he is the one to initiate a hug or kiss.
If for some reason he brings up a R talk you should change the subject. You need to act as if you dont care one way or another if he is in your life or not. That is what he will find really attractive.
No-body wants something that doesn't cost anything, and anyone could have. You will be more attractive if you are dancing just out of reach and he has to chase you. (I know I want H more now that I cant have him - so that really works! You always take for granted things that you are easily accessible).

Hope it goes well though. I'm more excited about your pottery class. That sounds like a great way to meet new people!