He's probably got a lot of walls up. But he is feeling things out. So maybe the next step is to get together in person. So maybe you need to mention one of your GAL activities next time he mentions a time he'll be in town or such and see what he responds with. Meaning, throw out something that he could join you for, but not an explicit question that puts him on the spot, and see how he reacts. It's an experiment, no matter his reaction, all you want is data. No expectations.
I also regularly feel like my head might explode. But it sounds painful. Maybe even more painful than a 2X4.
Pillow fight anyone???
Oh, and can you make me a cuppa too? English breakfast is one of my favorites.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Hey Michelle..well, I too was thinking of writing him a letter, but this would be very direct, like hitting him with a 2x4 ! And I dont think its quite the same as your sitch. I just feel like we are in a wierd no-mans land.
I realise this past few days, I am not GALing at all really. I went to a friends house for lunch today though - the W of my best friend here (who is on the Berlin trip). She asked me round to help me out...then spent the whole time crying and talking about her M and admitted they had a big row recently and that he had hit her. I was shocked, and upset, for her and also for me, as he is my best mate and now I feel really wierd about him and not happy about it. She took the kids and fled the house...so he called the Police and reported her for abduction!! Just terrible. This morning my other best friend from home called (not the one that says my BF is just lonely !) and she is thinking of being a WAS as her H threatens to hit her all the time - and I've known her 10 years and she only just told me this and noone else and its been happening for ages. So thats two in one day. I am shocked and freaked out and thats why my posts are so grrrr today.
And my BF was lovely, he would never dream of behaving like that, he never got angry at me, we rarely argued, he was kind and loving. I really feel like such a fool for taking him for granted and not listening to his needs and assuming he would always be there...hence the need to write him a letter to apologise to him?
Does anyone think it would be a good idea for me to do this?
Ali
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
No I don't think that is a good idea right now. You are well beyond that point I think. But it is just me. What is your gut feeling telling you? Good, now take the opposite option (remember, you told me how unnatural it feels for us and I certainly agree with you).
I think you are exactly where I was 1,5-2 weeks ago. Just as when the communication gets steady, you NEED more to confirm that he is actually reaching to you. And you know how well I did (I was terrible, I know), right? I am sorry your needs are crying out loud for attention and action and he seems to be unable to cover them right now and give you what you want. Ali, you know it takes time. Appreciate the progress you are having and be patient. Go back and read your first posts, see how far you have come. Be grateful and relax a bit.
Well said, Kalni! Ali, this is the time when the little hedgehog, or whatever he's being, is sticking it's nose out. Any sudden movement will spook him, and you'll have to wait a while before he comes out again. Patience, again, my favourite (I spelled it in English, so you could read it!) over-analyser! (More English!)
Oh I've been in tears! I am so pathetic...I get 6 emails in a day and I am MORE upset than usual ! Its so hard. I was just rereading them and although its fairly impossible to tell (as he wasnt being particularly personal), he didnt sound really happy in his emails. And he was planning on staying home and drinking wine tonight.
I had a massive urge to phone him earlier. I havent phoned him since...I cant remember! I think a few days after christmas (he didnt pick up). Wierdly, I wondered if he felt upset at me for not calling him. Ridiculous ! Kalni and Dar and everyone, do yuo not phone your WAS either?? I did send him a text last Saturday, when he told me he felt "low" saying he could call for a chat if he wanted to. And he didnt. That says it all I guess !
I think you are right Kalni...I am so amazed at the progress in your sitch today (i will post in a bit!) and I suppose I was hoping for something similiar in mine. But so far, not a single friend has told me that he has expressed doubts, in fact, none of his friends or family have called me since new year. They have moved on too ! And my bf hasnt said anything either.
You do seem to have a PMA on my behalf Jeff. But I just cant seem to see any hope. Whats wrong with me?
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
His calling says he doesn't feel safe reaching out to you on that level yet. It does not guarantee the future.
If you really want to get some stuff off your chest in a letter, I say do it. But at this time, it's probably best to make it therapeutic. Meaning, don't send it. Either put it with your journal or shred it or burn it after it is done.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Ali, I get yelled at here for contacting H so much. So I'm the opposite where I need to work at no contact (NC) for a while. You might have contact from BF already BECAUSE you've applied NC for this long now. I'm trying to detach Ali and it's as hard as hell for me to do so. But it's helpful being here so keep talking and venting here. Yes, Jeff does have some wonderful insight doesn't he?
His not calling says he doesn't feel safe reaching out to you on that level yet. It does not guarantee the future.
If you really want to get some stuff off your chest in a letter, I say do it. But at this time, it's probably best to make it therapeutic. Meaning, don't send it. Either put it with your journal or shred it or burn it after it is done.
And pull out your guitar or go for a bike ride. Do something for yourself.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
