Thankyou Jeff...thanks for taking the trouble to put it so eloquently to me. I guess I really embraced this DBing thing, I think I've managed it pretty well, so far, I try and think of what would be good for him in my emails to him, I make a big effort to make him laugh, I try and remember whar he may be going through, but...I guess its just getting agonising. I know I need to have more patience, but I worry that I am deluding myself. Its 4 months tommorow since he ended it.
He actually emailed me 6 times today ! I thought I would post the last one here, so you can see if you still see it the same way (I guess so, I do understand what you're saying!). His email upset me because he has booked a holiday. This is the kind of stuff that makes me think he is done with me, without a backward glance. Hes referring to a friend he fell out with on the weekend...
"yeah - was adamant I was going to sell the house (I figured they'd be leaving) but now i'm not sure. Good time of the year to get it on I guess, despite the market being a bit ropey.
You're right about the squash, may give them a ring later. Got a game of football next Tuesday through someone at work so that might lead to something more regular. Going skiing with my brother in a few weeks too, so better make sure my insurance covers me - I'm bound to need it! Got his stag do next weekend in Birmingham, which I really can't be ar*ed with, especially as XXX hasn't sent any more details out at all (he's probably ignoring me!)."
and thats it. I replied saying it was brilliant about the squash club and football and some jokey references to James Bond skiing and his brother. Next weekend is my birthday though. Either he has forgotton, or he doesnt feel it necessary to be sensitive about telling me hes going away on a stag weekend. One of my goals was he would remember my birthday. But we are having increased contact, so thats a goal achieved!!
Its so confusing. 6 emails. Which is good. But they could have been written to anyone, which is bad. If it is so good that he is contacting me so much, am I not helping matters by putting up a wall of non-emotion back, of being blase and jokey? I guess the answer is just keep being like that, no pushing or pressure...but I wondered if theres anything I could do to break out of this deadlock. I think I am going to break myself out of it by next week as I am upset that he is away. Thats the anniversary, valentine and my birthday all ignored. From where I am sitting, its not looking remotely hopeful. I am still surprised that you all think there is hope. So maybe I am going crazy !!?? :-)
PS: And thanks Kalni !! Yes, why a 2x4 !!??
Ali x
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Jeff is absolutely right, take a deep breath and step back.
It's a 2X4 because that's the approximate size of the end of the lumber (length is a separate issue). In reality, the piece of wood they keep threatening to hit you with is really about 1 1/2 X 3 1/2 inches.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I second every word in Jeff's reply!! If I could write better, you would get another 2X4 (can anybody explain why this is named 2x4?) and you probably know how we Greeks shout at each other...
Kalni
PS Jeff, did I hear of a party? I am hurt...
Kalni! Drop by the party anytime! I am very sorry I overlooked you! You probably are not as desperate for sunshine as some of the ladies that are coming, but everyone is welcome! But you should bring food or drink!
(((((Ali))))) I see the email as a lot more personal than you do! I think you may be forgetting he's a guy! He is talking about plans more than 15 minutes out! That is personal stuff! He's letting you know his feelings about the house, that's big. He validated your opinion about the squash. He made a joke about insurance, and told you what he's up to! He has pretty much told you everything he is doing!
There may come a good time to try to nudge things a bit, but I don't think that time has come yet. I understand you wanting to get unstuck, I really do, having been stuck for years. Keep doing what you are doing. Soon we might start to talk about a cunning plan to push things along.
Michelle nailed (ha!) the 2x4. It is the standard piece of lumber used in most house construction here. Usually they are eight feet long, though they can be much longer. It would hurt to get whacked by one!
Lol. Lumber is another word for a piece of wood or timber. In other words, a tree that's been cut to some specific shape or size.
As for Greek food, I don't care what Jeff says, I like it so bring some for me!
Ali, you guys went from being friends to dating to living together once. You have a shot to do it again and make an even better relationship. Try and be patient, I know it's hard.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I get your point, but..he was always more...emotional. Hes an emotional guy ! I did pick up on that over the past few weeks he has kept me very informed of his movements and plans (I dont tell him!). Hmm, you've got me thinking now...For instance, he twice texted me on Sunday to say he'd be back Monday night (I hadnt asked) and Tuesday he told me in a late email that he'd be in the office tommorow, so maybe inviting me to reply. And when I emailed him Tuesday his response was he was meaning to email me all afternoon, which I was very surprised at.
I am seriously thinking I am going crazy. You all think its positive, my sister thinks its positive, my best friend thinks he is just lonely and missing his best mate, but doesnt want me back. I think he no longer seems like the man I knew, I see no love in his emails and not when I see him in person (which has only been a few times). He seems to have "gone". But yes, he is on the otherhand keeping me "in the loop". HEAD EXPLODING !!!!
Anytime Kalni...sounds a bit painful to be whacked with a 2x4, I'd rather a cushion, or a sock or something (socks again Jeff!). Think I need to go make myself a nice cuppa english rosie lee (TEA!) :-)
Mmm...stuffed tomatoes! Stuffed chillis !!! Zucchini Croquettes !! (can you make these Kalni?)
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
So, you want me to pull out the soft cushions, and the comfy chair?
Ali, he is still hiding his emotional side. He is still protecting himself. Patience! And hit your best friend with a 2x4 next time she talks negative!
