I have been camping in the MLC forum since day 1 (19 months ago), even though my H isn't an MLCer as far as I can tell. Since my last thread locked, I figured it is the right time to move to a more suitable forum. So here I am in the WAS forum.
Here's the last post in the previous thread:
Originally Posted By: Summer
PH,
I am glad if anything I write helps.
Quote:
He has never tried to use the sex to build up your hopes ever. Why do you say this? I am curious what made you come to this conclusion.
I believe this b/c of what you've written about this before. The answer is in your own words:
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At the beginning of the S, he refused to have intimacy with me at all because he was convinced in his own mind that we were divorced and he didn't want to give me false hopes.
A user wouldn't care about anything or anyone but himself.
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From a conversation we had back in Sep 2006, he confirmed (by asking me) my primary love language - acts of service.
It seems that he became more cognizant of it after that and made more of an effort to love me that way.
But sometimes, I wonder if he does them out of guilt. What do you think? I ask because I don't know if sometimes I question out of fear of getting it all wrong and getting hurt by the overly optimistic evaluation/thoughts.
What I see is a man who ASKED you what was important to you. And he listened to what you said was your love language, listened to what matters to you and then chose to act upon it.
How could there be anymore clear of a message that he LISTENED, and CARES -- than by his ACTING upon it!!
I think you need to just accept his gifts and stop over analyzing them. I don't see guilt...I see love.
There is always a risk in love. You have to be willing to take the risk to hopefully get the rewards. Trust your H and more importantly trust God.
Stay patient and stop looking for answers in all the wrong places. You are doing just fine.
Summer: You are so right. I am driving myself crazy by over-analyzing. I need to keep working on trusting my H and God, and be less afraid of getting hurt. I have built such a solid and thick shield around myself (over many many years - from early childhood) to keep away from hurt. Now it's a huge job to chisel away the shield bit by bit. Thanks for validating and reassuring. BTW, you were the THIRD angel that God sent me yesterday to encourage me. THANK YOU!!
Did you read the introduction post for this forum??????
New forum for Walk Away Spouses
by sgctxokModerator
Quote:
Hi everyone, this is a new forum to allow those who have chosen to walk away to help and support each other.
Feel free to sign in here, if you'd like.
It isn't for the LBS of a WAS!!
Personally, I think you should just stay in MLC b/c you're so established there. It really doesn't matter IMO what the forum is called -- who cares? It is about getting support.
I've noticed that people suddenly decide it is time to "move" to another forum -- but it rarely works for them b/c they've made so many friends and connections on the old forum -- and once they "move" to another forum -- they usually lose those people and miss them -- so they end up returning to the original forum.
Piecing and Surviving the Divorce are IMO the only truly unique forums -- very much geared towards a very specific stage. Other than that I think it just depends on where you first get started and develop connections.
Obviously you need to be wherever you feel you need to be -- but I truly don't think you'll get much response for your thread on this forum.
But whatever you decide is fine with me!! I just found your move to this forum puzzling!
Did you read the introduction post for this forum??????
New forum for Walk Away Spouses
by sgctxokModerator
Quote:
Hi everyone, this is a new forum to allow those who have chosen to walk away to help and support each other.
Feel free to sign in here, if you'd like.
It isn't for the LBS of a WAS!!
Personally, I think you should just stay in MLC b/c you're so established there. It really doesn't matter IMO what the forum is called -- who cares? It is about getting support.
As usual, you are right! I did NOT read the forum introduction. I should have. Instead I read a couple of the threads which were created by LBSs of WASs. That's why. I misunderstood the purpose of this forum. I will have to move back either to MLC or to "Separated Now What".
Quote:
I've noticed that people suddenly decide it is time to "move" to another forum -- but it rarely works for them b/c they've made so many friends and connections on the old forum -- and once they "move" to another forum -- they usually lose those people and miss them -- so they end up returning to the original forum.
I see your point. The reason I chose to move is because I thought the MLCers' LBSs' situations are different from mine and so may get confused by my way of handling my situation and also won't feel inclined to offer nuggets of wisdom to me, since they won't feel like they relate to my situation at all.
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Obviously you need to be wherever you feel you need to be -- but I truly don't think you'll get much response for your thread on this forum.
I am sure you're right about this one. You're the only who has posted on my thread so far. And that's because you know me from the MLC thread. I will think about where to leave my thread. I wonder if it's possible to move an existing thread to a different forum or whether the only way is to start another thread in the "new" forum.
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But whatever you decide is fine with me!! I just found your move to this forum puzzling!
Maybe I did it for just that reason - to confuse you! No - just KIDDING. Hey, I hope one day I get to meet you in person. That would be SO cool. Love, PH
I don't know what happened. The last few pages of my thread seem to have been deleted. I hope they can be retrieved.
A brief summary of the last few days: I emailed my H about his suggestion (back in Dec/Jan) to schedule time to work on the basement. I asked to to let me know what suited him. I sent with that email a whole bunch of info - my picture at a work party, and the boys' email exchange about upcoming my vacation, festival, snow shovelling miracle, hoping to email me before V-Day, etc.
Anyway, he responded asking for my schedule next week. I responded with Mon or Thu and that I could re-schedule my Tue outing if necessary. He responded back with Mon. So he's coming over Mon evening. I bet he's wondering whether I am going away for my vacation after all and where.
Let's look at it this way, regardless of the day or holiday, he is still coming over to see you and help out. You are fortunate to have him doing things for you.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Let's look at it this way, regardless of the day or holiday, he is still coming over to see you and help out. You are fortunate to have him doing things for you.
It probably would have been disrespectful to the holiday for him to spend it doing basement work instead of going on a date. Agree - I am happy he's dong stuff for me. I am going to cook him dinner (finally) - taking ISLH's advice. Just something very simple. He may still be on a diet.
It would sure impress him if you cooked something he is able to eat. I think he would like that very much.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Steelers, Thanks - yeah, I think he'll be pleasantly surprised. He is picky so with the diet, as well, it limits what I can offer him. It should be fine though.
I just found out that the missing parts of this thread is in the "Walk-Away-Spouse" forum. It might have something to do with the move from that forum back to the MLC forum... This is the link to the missing posts: My Missing Posts (from this thread)
Hey, I hope one day I get to meet you in person. That would be SO cool.
