What I wonder is when our spouses do nasty things like that do they really not understand they are being nasty or do they feel better if they pretend they are being normal or maybe being nasty is so normal to them they don't realize any more when they are being nasty or normal and their is a difference? My H sometimes doesn't realize the difference either so I have wondered these kinds of questions before....Karen43
I looked at S3 as he was passing by, smiling and carrying a 3' length of network cable. It was really nothing as a load for him -- still I thanked him so much for being a big help. He was so proud.
This hit home because it would so be my D3. My heart aches for you and your sons.
Quote:
And I can't DB myself out of a paper bag.
That's me tapping your shoulder. I'm in the paper bag with you. Stuck....
You did your best to control your temper/anger(could have been so much worse), I know the guilt you feel about your sons witnessing it is huge. I am sorry for that. BUT..that is 100% your W's fault. I am so sorry, NCB
That's me tapping your shoulder. I'm in the paper bag with you. Stuck....
Lwb, if I had to be stuck in this wet paper bag with anyone, I couldn't think of anyone nicer to be with. Honestly. (I just hope you didn't pick up this flu-like bug I've got while in there with me.)
Oh, hey, maybe that's why Light Switch got us two mixed up.
W called me this morning. She tracked me down given I was not responding to my phone in my office. She figured out I had taken a sick day, and said she could tell I did not sound well by my voice when I talked to our S's earlier.
Her motive for tracking me down was selfish, no big surprise. She wanted to schedule a meeting with a mediator a week from next Friday. Said it would be $200/hour, which we would split.
I didn't object, although I am uneasy about any particular mediator she would come up with. W said that mediation would be the least costly to the both of us, rather than litigation. Again, I told her that was entirely up to her whether mediation would work or not.
Mostly I was trying to be non-confrontational and not allowing W to force an argument out of me. But at one point W said that "unless you become unreasonable, we should not have to hire our own attorneys."
To which I objected, saying, "If I become unreasonable?"
W corrected herself: "If we cannot come to some agreement, only then should we have to hire our own lawyers."
At that I said, "Thank you." And we moved on from there.
I told W we needed to have her W2 before we start any mediation, as well as a check stub from her new salaried position. W thought I was talking about me doing our 2007 tax returns. I told her sure, I would do them, but we need her information for the mediation and for determining the settlement.
W said something about her understanding why my income mattered for the settlement of child support, but she didn't think her income had any bearing. I corrected her saying both our incomes are factored into child support.
W said okay, sounded a little hurt, and said, again, that she didn't want any money from me if that's how I felt. I told her I was not going to skip out on my obligations, but I do want what was fair. I told her I was not going to pad the child support payment with what would amount to alimony (especially since she is not entitled to any spousal support given her adultery.)
W tried to get me to agree on the afternoon of Friday, Feb 8, but I told her I'd have to check with my employer first. I typically need to give them two weeks advanced notice before time off is granted. In the end, W agreed to push it back to Friday, Feb 22.
I then told W goodbye and hung up.
Until that conversation, I was not willing to ever say anything to W about anything other than our S's. I am trying to stay as absolutlely dark as possible. I am taking the policy of no talk with W that might extend into her talking about things other than the actual business between us. Just the facts, ma'am.
W has been in the habit of bending my ear at times talking about her "hard work" and "long hours" and all of the "mountains of paperwork" she has to contend with. I am no longer telling her anything about the difficulties and struggles I am facing in my own work, mainly because it falls on deaf ears anyway. Most times, I tolerate it in hopes we can get back to something of mutual concern. But lately, I feel better if I don't give her the opening to prattle on about something she knows she doesn't want me to be a part of anyway.
I am doing my best from now on to keep the conversation very short and to the point. I don't want to be a part of her drama any more than I have to. It gets me absolutely nowhere.
Was home sick again today, but started feeling better some time before noon. W called to "check" on me. When she found I was not at work, she asked to leave S7 with me so she could go to her office this afternoon. I agreed after a moment's hesitation -- hesitation for thinking what might really be going on.
And then later she asks if she can also drop S3 off at my place so he can take his nap here as well. Hmmm, gets more and more curious.
I'm still wondering why her Mary Poppins-calibre, oh-so-child-loving mother was not interested in caring for our two S's instead of exposing them to their father who's recovering from a nasty sickness. Moreover with W's aunt/MIL's sister visiting, I could not understand why the both of these paragons of motherly virtue were not protesting their losing the chance to spend time with our darling S's.
Whatever. W prattled on about some nonsense about having to go into the office to learn some new timesheet. I wish she would cease trying to come up with these excuses. She's shown nothing but hatred for me personally and utter contempt for my parenting skills. So why the pretense of giving me excuses and playing nice, when she's just wanting to use me for her own selfish interests now and once that's done she'll quickly revert to her nasty hostile stance afterwards?
I guess I am a sucker in her eyes, since I have almost never refused any additional time with my children. And yet it just flabbergasts me that she knows I have been sick, and any other time she'd be trying to say she wouldn't want to expose them to my germs. She's a nurse, and a very anal-retentive, hyper-sensitive-to-germs paranoid type at that, and has chastised me in the past for taking our S's to venues where they have been exposed to and contracted the latest contagion. So, now she has no qualms about dumping them off onto someone she thinks of as an irresponsible temporary child caregiver, husband or not, who just came off of a feverous cold?
It really makes me wonder about her. Obviously she's all too ready to throw caution to the wind, hyper as it is, even for her own two sons. Of course, I can only think it must be that the OM is going to be there at the office too.
I don't really ever mind taking care of my S's -- I just don't like thinking W is trying to take unfair advantage of me, especially when she seems all to ready to stab me in the back with regards to our custody agreement.
The bottom line though is that if W is so gung-ho in leaving her children with someone she regards as irresponsible (I know its alien spew, but bear with me) and is potentially a contagious risk for her children's health, all to show up at the office supposedly and more likely to see the OM -- then I wonder what other risks she has taken that I should be concerned with.
Should I be concerned with getting a full STD panel? (It's been about 264 days now.) Or am I being paranoid now?
S7 was talking again today about W looking for a place out in the country, and that his mother was promising he could have a tree house and other niceties when they move away.
I didn't appreciate hearing my S7 glowing about his mother trying to relocate away from his father. W had said the other day she was looking for land to the east of the metro area, and was thus looking into school systems in those areas. I told W that she was not to be making such decisions unilaterally, that i have a say in it as well. But she ignores me. I have told W that a move eastward is not in my best interest, and that a move in any other direction would be preferable. W tries to claim it would be too expensive in any other direction, but that is utter B.S. -- she just wants to move to where she can be closer to the OM, and that's the fact.
So now she is going to my S's and trying to bribe them into loving the idea of moving away. I told S7 that his mother was not giving any consideration to his father and her sons' relationship with him. I let S7 know I was not happy with his mother continuing with her plan to put distance between me and my sons. S7 replied that W said I could also relocate east if I really wanted to be with S7 and S3. S7, in his innocence, does not understand all of the complications and buys into his mother's deceitful rationalization -- and so he just naturally thinks that I would find this a perfectly acceptable "solution" as well.
This is so unfair.
And all the while W just continues to push on with her plans, and has no regards for my say in anything. It has been this way since the bomb (and before that actually) -- even when she pretends to hear me out, she still continues right along, always resuming course at some point, towards her own single-minded selfish goals.
I would let her but for the fact that it involves the separation of me from our S's.
Yes, husband, I know... I'm still a rookie and you're due for a purple heart or something by now. LOL.
I just meant that I guess even though it's been 264 days I might still should be concerned about STD's -- given the distinct possibility that my W has been even more deceptive than she has been admitting about what has been going on. I really don't know how long their relationship has been going on, nor if or when it might have gone physical. What I do know is that W has a definite pathology for fabricating a justification for any action she might take, and that can be downright dangerous.
I've been considering a lot of things lately. I am becoming more concerned with W's increasing denials about her actions and motives, and the revised story line she has been building up. I think I need more "intel". I have plenty of evidence about her activity last Spring and early Summer, but I have little to corroborate things following that time.
I have considered contacting the OMW. I have also considered contacting W's friend and co-worker (a very nice, Christian mother herself, who has always sent spiritually-oriented faith-based emails to W for years.)
Short of that, I am considering hiring a PI.
I am sensing that my W is getting loaded for bear, as she is being coached by her mother (a very battle-hardened WAW herself with three such "victories" under her belt). I also know W has been talking with a high-profile female lawyer who has a very anti-marriage, pro-divorce reputation.
I don't want to find myself entering a pitched fight without more preparation.
