Yes, my thoughts as well, "damned if I do, damned if I don't."
I am so hurt by how negative they think of me and how maliciously they denigrate my actions, my words, my very existence -- and it confuses me why they feel this necessary; what have I done to deserve this degree of condemnation?
More so, it terrifies me how their attitude might be rubbing off on my S's. I really wish there was some way, at the very least, that my S's could be insulated from MIL's constant influence, if this is how she really is.
Thank you for being there. I am so grateful for you and everyone in these forums.
In this new journey I have been sent upon, I have had to acknowledge some anger issues that have been a key part of my contribution to the demise to my M. This anger is attributable to the severe depression that I have been contending with for many years now. But I am working on laying those aside. I know it is okay to get angry some times, but we are not to let our anger get the better of us. "Get angry and sin no more."
And revenge is not ours -- it is the Lord's. But still, as they say, the best "revenge" for us LBS's is one that is within God's plans anyway, and that is to lead a good life despite our WAS's ill wishes.
I see you fancying taking up writing. You seem to have the eloquence to turn a phrase, and I wish you well in your endeavor. I have been a (frustrated) writer in what little spare time I have had over many years. I write mostly speculative fiction, however, and I have a couple of novels I have been working on since before I got M. But I am not published yet -- my problem is that I tend to get overly immersed in the research and background materials behind my stories. One is a series of fantasy stories I have been working on for nearly 30 years -- and I still haven't sought publication. Maybe now that I am alone again...
I recently began a whole new story arc, one requiring a lot of new and different background research, and I am begrudging having to put it aside at times to have to work on my Separation Agreement (Aaaaargh! It kills me some times.)
I use a Macintosh at home for writing and last year I found the most fantastic piece of writing software ever, called "Scrivener". It is far more than a simple word processor; it helps you enter and organize your notes, and outlines, illustrations, etc.
Called the florist today to lodge a complaint. Got Customer No-Service. They told me to call back tomorrow during more normal business hours on a toll number. Wonderful.
I decided I would call W's aunt to apologize to her for any misunderstanding about the flowers. She was actually pleasant and thanked me for them, and said not to worry about the florist's gaff. I apologized for the firestorm this created with W and MIL (the aunt's sister), she quickly said she didn't want to get into their words. I asked her if there was anything I could do, and told her I was sorry for her loss. She briefly touched on how hard it was for her but more-so for their cats. But she was focusing on the good things in her husband's life and that gives her comfort.
All in all it was a fairly nice conversation, although I knew she had to be uncomfortable talking to me given the battle lines that have been drawn. Still, I am not going to be deterred from doing the right thing, the Christian thing, the magnanimous thing, just because of how some people can only bear the fruits of bitterness and hatred, and seem like they can never get beyond that. Life is too short for such pettiness.
I have no expectations out of any one in that party beyond this. The W's war will undoubtedly continue, much to my chagrin.
I wouldn't normally consider my path the "high" road in this, except by degrees. It's just that their path is so awfully low.
<journaling>
I went to my church last night for a scheduled meeting of the Habitats for Humanity team heading down to the Mississippi Gulf Coast for a mission in February. I was disappointed to learn that they canceled the trip due to lack of interest.
Oh, well. I am now looking into other Christian HFH-type missions to help with. I am thinking that getting my S7 involved in Cub Scouts might offer a few opportunities for community service as well.
S7 and I are already trying to participate together in the local Lego User Group. And I am still looking for a Martial Arts Dojo for us too. A new one just opened up right down the road.
Hmmm, maybe last night God was telling me I am starting to get myself spread too thin.
Im ok.. chugging along. Things are good, I probably should be in piecing but don't want to leave my friends here
we have our moments.. like anybody else,I too get a little crazed sometimes and worry A bit, but I don't think that will ever go away....Too bad its like that now.. but I think we are on the upswing..
Just booked our Florida vacation to disney.. so hopefully we will have some good family time there.
keep the faith my friend.
tal
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
I need to check you thread out -- I don't get to "Piecing" often (my current course seems so far off from that route). I need to lurk a little more over in the other areas -- maybe "Divorced, But Not Done"?
Disney sounds great. I'd love to take my S's to DisneyWorld, maybe after we sell the house some time this year.
