To counter what Poe's LF is like - my W's drive went significantly downhill sometime around 1990. All told I was lucky if we did it even once a month! More often it was once every three!
enough already...aren't we "beating" this topic to death....
some of us are getting it and some of us aren't....some of us would like more of it...some of us would be content with anything...
h is home early....cutting down more trees in the yard...more bon fire...son is outside too...ahhh!! I'm doing mega laundry...making chili....keeping dd from getting into trouble....wondering what the hell h is thinking??? wondering if I will get any soon??? wondering how it would feel to beat the crap out of ow?? wondering why I waist so much of my time wondering....
LL why couldn't you live in my town? I'd love to chat over coffee!
I'm not even getting morning cuddles anymore.
And you're so right: thanking us for what we DO (cook, etc) is NOT the same as words of affirmation for who we ARE. Why do I need these so badly? I just know that I do.
I love it when friends say I look great, that I'm sexy, that I'm smart, funny etc. That I'm amazing for standing by H this way.
I feel fat and old and crappy today, wonder how much of that is due to not being loved as I need to be loved? Heck I'm 10 lbs thinner than when we got married!
And you know what kills me? H gave OW all KINDS of words of affirmation. After all 80% of their A was an EA so words were important.
He called her peanut butter legs and honey thighs!!! . He called her "BABE", guess how he signed my birthday poster? Happy birthday Babe.
He had LOTS of sexy, fun, appreciative words for her. My H is verbal, just not with me, I guess. And the less he gives to me right now, the less I feel like giving him, or acting "as if". CRAP!!!!
Quote: And you know what kills me? H gave OW all KINDS of words of affirmation. After all 80% of their A was an EA so words were important.
He called her peanut butter legs and honey thighs!!! . He called her "BABE", guess how he signed my birthday poster? Happy birthday Babe.
He had LOTS of sexy, fun, appreciative words for her. My H is verbal, just not with me, I guess. And the less he gives to me right now, the less I feel like giving him, or acting "as if". CRAP!!!!
I don't know what words h actually had for ow...she was married...he was married...(as if that matters) they both expect me to believe they were just friends...nothing more..they just spent time together...to quote her words to my sil "we just sit and shoot the sh!t" I don't know but I do know that somehow (supposedly with not so much as a kiss or deep embrace) my h was able to communicate to her his feelings for her in such a clear way that she was ready (and still is) to leave her h to persue a r with him. don't know what to believe...but I do know that my h was never great with expressing himself verbally..infact I remember the first time he ever said ily..we had been dating for about 6 months...we were in his parents basement...I was sitting on the couch and he was pacing...and finally said..."I think I love you" (guess that said it all there he only thought huh!!) I responded with "well I know I love you" well it's funny cause since all this mess has occured I don't say it and h doesn't say it unless I am saying..."you don't even love me" but one evening..I did say to h...."I think I love you" h smiled and said..."well I know I love you"
I sometimes read what others have gone through regarding the op and wonder if I am being lied to or if h's relationship with this ow was just that a relationship..a friendship...an innapropriate friendship that he kept from me becuase of my jelousy...she was a woman who "went to bat for him" regarding the other customers on the street..and we all know how some guys just love when you do something nice for them (didn't matter though that I'd been doing a hell of alot more for him than making a phone call but I digress) she was there...she was friendly...she was outgoing...she thought h to be a great guy (and he is) she saw h as many would....as a sweet...caring...kind...respectful gentleman...I don't know what they talked about everyday...I don't know if they were cutesie with eachother...or if they were just friends...ow did call me a day or two after h was seen with her...called me to tell me they were just friends...tell me how much my h loves me...tell me what a great mom he says I am...how he always tells her how great I am...sure sitting shooting the sh!t with her..telling her how great I am and then ignoring me when you get home!
I dunno...wish I knew more about their r...but sometimes glad I don't know..then I can at least pretend that they were just friends and I pushed him to her.
annoying!!!
h and ow both say nothing happend but I know that they are both capable of lying to me..
I find it hard to believe that h expressed his feelings to her...they talked about how they would be able to trust eachother...she asked her h for a d and expressed her feelings for my h and they didn't so much as kiss...embrace affectionatley???
wtf???
I dunno??? I just don't know....maybe h is telling the truth about it just not being that way...about it just not happening...h did admit to wanting to be physical with her he did admit to being in love with her...he did leave...he did admit to having plans of persuing a r with her...so why not admit to being physical with her??? h could even to save face say that they weren't physcial til he left the house or till she asked her h for a d...but to say nothing ever happend??? huh???
Does it really matter to you to know if it was physical? (I know it did for me).
I think I suggested this before, but perhaps later on, when things are more settled, you can broach the topic again.
Something like.."You have to know that I KNOW it was more than just a friendship with OW...I understand why you wouldn't want to admit it. You probably thought that that would be the end for us. A lot of men feel that way. (LL men tend to take the physical part as being much more of a betrayal than the R part). Clearly it wasn't."
Or...in a quiet "Good" moment: "H, is there anything else you'd like to tell me about the A? There's nothing that could change how things are going, so if there is, please know you can tell me"
I don't know LL, now I'm just rambling. My BIL had a romance with a co-worker that never got physical so it IS possible.
Quote: I don't know LL, now I'm just rambling. My BIL had a romance with a co-worker that never got physical so it IS possible.
that's a comfort...
I have let h know in many different ways that it's ok to tell me...that if he did "something" it would be best to tell me now...lest the guilt be so much that he has to leave me or eventually tell me...so why not now??
h says there is no more to say...
I dunno???
from what ow had said (before it got to the point where they were going to attempt to persue a r with eachother) "we know we are capable of being friends, that doesn't mean we are capable of having a r" ow also said " if your going to be physical you get a d" ow has said "I know you'll never believe us" so I dunno??? I can't immagine that they didn't at least embrace passionatley upond disclosing their feelings for eachother...but then again...maybe they didn't...will I ever know for sure??? probably not....in the end will it matter??? only if something really did happen.
More often it was once every three! 
ny 
