Thanks for the info. My job requires overnight travel, so she may go with that angle. I have been trying (unsuccessfully) to schedule my travel so that I am not out of town for two consecutive weeks.
I am sorry that things have come to this and you cannot make the SOB pay for playing his part in the whole thing. We have statutes in NC which talk about alienation of affection..does your state have that? Basically makes the 3rd party liable for breaking up the marriage.
Thanks for the support. No, there is no statute like that where I live.
Your job is not a compelling reason to grant her sole custody. Ohio domestic court is pro shared parenting. You have to be pretty f'up to be considered unfit.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
Thanks. Although I have not yet spoken to a lawyer, I am aware that judges here are inclined to favor shared-parenting arrangements. I just want to preempt any objection that she may have with solid evidence that it can work.
Deep down inside, she knows that I am a good father. She knows it would be best for the kids to be around me as much as possible.
Yes. The dog arrived on Saturday. It is a very cute mixed breed. I will try to get some pictures and post a link.
It's very cute and the kids will not leave the poor thing alone!!!
It occurred to me that she probably knows exactly why she got the dog. She was already kicking it around before she dumped her boyfriend. And now that he's gone, her thoughts are no doubt consumed with her "soul mate," and the fact that she doesn't spend an hour a day talking to him, waxing about how wonderful life would be with him. So she needed an emotional distraction (heaven forbid it would be me). And she consciously tells herself that the dog will fill-in nicely for her lost love boyfriend. It makes complete sense to me... and she is not dumb.
I'm glad you worked your way around to a 180 on the dog. I'm sure you are right, she totally 'gets it' about the reason. Look at it this way - it beats running out and finding a new boyfriend!
A dog is a lot of responsibility - puppies don't take care of themselves! In the short term, this means W needs to be at home more, dealing with that. In the long term, she's just made it even harder for herself to live on her own and make ends meet. None of this fits with the MLCer's urge to 'get outta here and live an exciting new life which I am sure would be terrific without Mark around!' She's adding to the pile of stuff that keeps the two of you bound together, even if indirectly. Take some comfort from that.
As far as what happens to the kids if you D, I will talk in terms of how my daughter would have reacted - the Big Deal to her would NOT have been who had a puppy, or who lived in a nicer house. She would have looked at W and I and seen that I had stood for the marriage, and that W had filed. My D is a very empathetic person, and saw the pain that I was going through - if she had been forced to choose between me and W, I think W would have been in for a nasty surprise.
I'm going to suggest an even further 180 for you, regarding the dog. Don't just agree to have it in your house - WELCOME IT. You're going to live with this puppy now, so turn your attitude around and BE EXCITED AND HAPPY. What's more - help out with the care of the puppy. Feed it, clean up after it, play with it. Make W glad you are helping out, and make her wonder if she really would want to take on the work of caring for the dog without all of your PMA-ful assistance.
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
Hey Rob!!! It's been a while since you visited. Thanks for coming back.
Originally Posted By: Rob1231
Look at it this way - it beats running out and finding a new boyfriend!
I was never worried about that. The guilt from the first boyfriend weighed heavier on her mind than she expected. I have no doubt that she is done "running around."
Originally Posted By: Rob1231
In the long term, she's just made it even harder for herself to live on her own and make ends meet. None of this fits with the MLCer's urge to 'get outta here and live an exciting new life which I am sure would be terrific without Mark around!' She's adding to the pile of stuff that keeps the two of you bound together, even if indirectly. Take some comfort from that.
I completely understand that. Although I never said it explicitly, when I was making a futile effort to talk her out of getting the pup, I implied that it would make life on her own more difficult (and more expensive). Of course, it fell on deaf ears.
Originally Posted By: Rob1231
As far as what happens to the kids if you D, I will talk in terms of how my daughter would have reacted - the Big Deal to her would NOT have been who had a puppy, or who lived in a nicer house. She would have looked at W and I and seen that I had stood for the marriage, and that W had filed. My D is a very empathetic person, and saw the pain that I was going through - if she had been forced to choose between me and W, I think W would have been in for a nasty surprise.
I will be shooting for "shared custody" with no child support. So it's moot anyway.
Originally Posted By: Rob1231
I'm going to suggest an even further 180 for you, regarding the dog. Don't just agree to have it in your house - WELCOME IT...
Understand that my 180 on the dog was complete. I am an enthusiastic caretaker of the dog. I took him out to pee (and gave him a treat for his success) just before sitting down here. And I have made a vow to not get upset when he has an accident. It's here and it's not going anywhere, so any negative reaction that I have will be wasted energy. I will ask myself, what do I hope to accomplish by getting mad when the dog poops on the oriental rug? Nothing can be done about it, so grab a paper towel and clean it up!!! And no complaining about barking, whining, chewing things, etc. I will not permit myself to complain about anything.
BTW, you suggested that I play with the dog. That will not happen. Um, he's too tired from playing with the kids!!!!
Thanks again for the support. It means a lot to me.
As far as what happens to the kids if you D, I will talk in terms of how my daughter would have reacted - the Big Deal to her would NOT have been who had a puppy, or who lived in a nicer house. She would have looked at W and I and seen that I had stood for the marriage, and that W had filed. My D is a very empathetic person, and saw the pain that I was going through - if she had been forced to choose between me and W, I think W would have been in for a nasty surprise.
I will be shooting for "shared custody" with no child support. So it's moot anyway.
Moot for the courts perhaps - but still worth considering in terms of how the kids will look back on all of this someday.
You sound like you are on the right path. Just remember, when you feel like going off the handle and filing yourself - deep breaths, 48-Hour Rule!!! And, of course, come vent to your pals here.
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
That will not happen. Um, he's too tired from playing with the kids!!!!
LOL! You are so right. This poor dog will find you and say "Thank goodness, someone I can take a nap on!!!".
Loving the 180 with the new pup. Loving it. You are confusing the heck out of W, and not in a bad way. Mark, you have done so much growing here. Many times you have posted things that W doesn't like about you, and realized that more importantly *you* don't think those things about you. Like, overreacting with W. You are aware of it and want to change it for yourself. Good job Ohio_Mark.
