Thanks Reuben, I know everything you said to do, its just so hard. I dont know why we let our fears come out on top from time to time. Well, I guess its just mixed emotions from V-day and Im also scared for our anniversary thats coming up on the 23rd. Well, At least I will be spending the following weekend with her skiing. Something to look forward to!
Anything worth having is worth working HARD for!
Making a New Move
Well, Today is the day Im going to call my GF as part of my plan to keep communication open between us. I wish she was initiating more contact on her own, but I know I shouldnt expect too much. After all, when we talk, she doesnt usually want to go when I try to. I think its her pride that holds her back a lot.
Anyways, Im going to try and stay focused on the fact that she told me its still not too late last month and its going to take time. Its hard to ge this into my head and have faith in it but I know I must.
I think I will call my friend before I call her to help boost my confidence and make me more upbeat too. Wish me luck everyone!
Anything worth having is worth working HARD for!
Making a New Move
I emailed GF about places to help her find jobs because she is very unhappy in her current position. Anyways, instead of e-mailing me back, she called me later that afternoon.
We spoke for 30 minutes and she used most of that time to vent about her sisters and some issues with friends. As always, I made sure to show complete empathy for her and it went well.
I stayed later at work so I can listen to her and eventually had to go for a DR’s appt and told her I would call her back later.
I called her later that night and it started off very well with some joking and she got settled into bed and began to open up to me about more of her problems. We spoke this time for an hour! She talked a lot about her man friend, which does bother me, but she is just friends with him, and she used to not bring his name up because it would bother me so Im thinking it shows her trust for me is increasing.
Also spoke about upcoming ski trip and how she is making a list of food and she included me in her small group of people to share food with. Im very pleased with this! I am taking her food shopping on Sunday and Im hoping I can also have lunch or dinner with her but I wont push for much.
I think things are going well. Slowly? YES!!! But in the right direction none the less. Each building block will hopefully bring us closer and closer.
Wish me luck!!
P.S. Another thing is she didnt say goodbye to me on the phone at all! This is important to me because we would never say goodbye because it always sounded too permanent and would usually end our conversations with goodnight or later. Anyways, I cant expect this to happen all the time but its always nice to see her old self peek through once in a while.
Anything worth having is worth working HARD for!
Making a New Move
On another note, my GF emailed me a copy of a IM chat she had with one of her friends she is fighting with and wanted to keep me informed on the new happenings since we talked about it last night.
I called her back to discuss it becuase its easier than typing. I left her a messsage and she called me back and we talked for 20 minutes with her venting mostly and I did everything I could to validate her and not offer suggestions but to listen. I did great!
At the end we talked about a few other things and joked around a little. Im just happy we are talking more often and for longer periods. Im going to try to take everything with a grain of salt!
Im also going to look forward to food shopping with her this weekend.
Anything worth having is worth working HARD for!
Making a New Move
She emailed me asking my opinion on some places that offer online classes. I think she is looking to take some extra schooling because she doesnt like her job and hasnt had much luck in finding a new one.
I responded back with positive re-enforcement on the whole concept of taking online classes and said I was proud of her, and I gave her my opinions on the classes and mentioned this would be good to talk over instead of typing too much.
Anyways, This is another step towards us moving closer. She is opening up to me a lot latley and I know I cant rush things but this is contributed to my new communication and my new approach using empathy. I love this and I thank God for all the blessings I am recieving. I pray that this is a beginning of great things yet to come!
Anything worth having is worth working HARD for!
Making a New Move
Ok, well as I said earlier, we had plans to go shopping for food for the ski trip next weekend so We met up and she looked great! She did her make-up and everything and I told her that she looked great! I was wearing just a t-shirt purposely to show off how much wieght I lost and so she can see my biceps have gotten bigger because I have been working out hard. I made a muscle for her and she said it was impressive. Im making sure I look my best. Cant hurt to try to get her attracted to me again.
We got into the car and I gave her a Valentines day card and a gift. She was surprised and felt bad she didnt get me anything but I was fine with it. She read the card that I went to 5 stores to find the right one. It was very touching but no romantic overtones and reffered to her as a friend and she kind of laughed at that part. I bought her a DVD called Anne of Green Gables, which I rememberred from a few years ago how she liked it a lot. I think she was very suprised it was something with meaning which I rememberred.
Anyways, we went to the store and we had a great time. We were getting along perfectly, just without being affectionate. I was just focusing on having a lot of positive energy coming from me and it worked. After food shopping we went to the mall next door for lunch / dinner. As we got to the car, I opened the door for her like I used to and as I waled around the car, she leaned over and opened my door from the inside. that made me feel so happy I cant explain it.
We went to the mall and She had a few phone calls from her friends, and one happened to be her guy friend but I didnt let it bother me to the point where I would act out of my emotions. After all, it was mostly talk about the ski trip and food everyone would like.
We went to eat and we talked a lot about regular stuff and I asked about her work and I talked about the night before how I went clubbing with some friends. She was asking me if anyone got girls #'s or if I danced with anyone and other questions. I think she is testing me. She also asked if I am still seeing a therapist and if I told my family. I think she just likes to see if Im writing her off yet. We talked a lot and she made comment about me losing a lot of wieght too. She did bring up fact how her family questions her friendship with Guy friend because they dont think she should be friends with a man unless its me, even though her other sisters do. I think its just because they know there are problems with us. Anyways, she also mentioned how they questioned how her friend came from NY to jersey on valentines day to go shopping with her for ski gear for this trip. It bothered me that she was with him on that day, but she is just friends and she makes it clear to me all the time and I trust her. I really, really do. But she is telling me about him and her other friends and her activities which is showing an increase in trust!
So, we left the mall and once again I opened the door and she opened mine again. I brought in the food with her and shortly after I left. The whole day was very positive with lots of communication and joking around and having fun. I think it went great and will lead up to a great weekend together next weekend!
I think thats all for now. It was a great day and If I think of anything else, Ill be back. Wish me luck everyone!!
Anything worth having is worth working HARD for!
Making a New Move
Ok, well today should be our 8 year anniversary. I know we had a good day yesterday, but as soon as I saw the date today, my heart felt like it sunk into my stomach. I should probably leave well enough alone and focus on having a wonderful Anniversary next year. Their will always be more right? But a little boost of support would be nice to help me through the day. Im glad I have a therapist appt. tonight. Ive been really good but I may need it.
Anything worth having is worth working HARD for!
Making a New Move
First, you found out where she was on Vday and what she was doing...and she told you that voluntarily! Awesome baby step!
Plus, I know she's going to be noticing that today is your anniversary. So, she'll be thinking about you...
Plus, since you did so well yesterday, all of her thoughts bout you will be positive!
That's incredibly great!
So...picture this...she'll be thinking that it's your anniversary...she'll be missing you...and she'll be remembering the wonderful time y'all had as recently as yesterday.
That's enough to make her rethink the situation...and wonder why she left!!
PIB, You really know how to make a guy feel great! I printed out what you said to read whenever I feel like I need a boost.
The only dillema I have now is this weekends ski trip. Im really looking forward to it to spend all weekend with her, and the drive up and back we will be alone. However, the cabin we are staying in is with all of her friends and her guy friends, especially the one I dont trust because he used to like her a while back. I dont want to seem pushy or like Im controlling but I dont know how I will control my jealousy and not try to keep an eye on him all weekend long.
I know nothing is going on with them for several reasons, but also, shy on earth would she invite me if there was? And when I offered not to go a few weeks ago, she got upset and yelled "NO!"
Anyone have any suggestions on dealing with my fears and overactive imagination on this? I think I will be able to handle this if she includes me with her friends and I dont feel left out. Im very scared I can make a good impression this weekend.
Im going to Pray really hard so that God can help me control my emotions.
Anything worth having is worth working HARD for!
Making a New Move
I bought her a DVD called Anne of Green Gables, which I rememberred from a few years ago how she liked it a lot. I think she was very suprised it was something with meaning which I rememberred.
I know we had a good day yesterday, but as soon as I saw the date today, my heart felt like it sunk into my stomach. I should probably leave well enough alone and focus on having a wonderful Anniversary next year. Their will always be more right? But a little boost of support would be nice to help me through the day. Im glad I have a therapist appt. tonight. Ive been really good but I may need it. 