Well, as I said last week I didnt call or make contact at all, except for sending a Chinese New Year card to her job and then she called me this tuesday. I mentioned Id talk to her later in the week and so far I have not. I am not sure if I should because she was going to tell her family about us by this weekend and I dont want to interfere with this process, and maybe if I dont make contact, she will continue wondering about me and maybe miss me and not want to tell them? I dont know. I know she has opened of communication before and my counsler and some friends told me they think its ok to call her once in a while to show I care, but maybe I should wait till after the weekend when her mom has left and everything is maybe settled down? I know she will be busy with the new year and family stuff this weekend. I would rather not call her from work because it is very public and dont feel I can be upbeat and funny on the phone here. I prefer private. What to do? Someone help me please?
Anything worth having is worth working HARD for!
Making a New Move
Well, I called her last night and we talked for about an hour. But, unfortunatley she was the one to end the conversation because she wanted to get ready for bed and get her stuff ready for work.
It was a good talk we had mostly but she did bring up the relationship in a way. Not directly discussing us but more like how she hasnt told her family yet and stuff and how she feels i have done so much during this time for the better and im doing it all without her.
Im so afraid that all my improvements, she will think I am better off without her, when this is my 180!!! Yes, these are things I should have always done, like going back to school, but Im trying to make her proud of me at the same time and fall for me. Maybe Im expecting things to go too quickly still. I dont know.
Plus she asked me about me going skiing with our friends this weekend andits really just a bunch of girls and she asked me if I liked any of the girls and if one of them liked me would i go out with them. overall I said no and I am not interested in meeting anyone right now for that type of relationship.
I told her the reason why I didnt really contact her in the past 2 weeks was to give her space and time to tell her family, which she didnt by the way, but before that she told me she thinks this is just going to take time and that its not too late.
It seems as though not contacting her backfired slightly from the tone of our conversation. I think I need to give her space, yes, but more physical space. I will start contacting her during the week myself one in a while to keep the lines open and to be there for her. I dont want her forgetting me or replacing what we had.
Like Michelle says, wait and monitor results. I backed off for 2 weeks and she seemed slightly more distant. AS opposed to new years weekend, we talked about every day for 4 days in a row and she asked me out 2 times that weekend too! I know she called me then but I dont care. I need to customize my actions to the response Im getting. Wish me luck and any advice is appreciated!
Anything worth having is worth working HARD for!
Making a New Move
I saw your post on my thread about not much traffic. I think you had me confused with Patrick, but knew you were talking about me!
I am leaving to get my son, but will be on the BB tonight. I will read your entire thread and make some comments. Just wanted to let you know to look for me later.
One more thing, after meeting with my counsler last night and told her about our conversation on Sunday, she thinks the phone call really wasnt that bad because we kept it upbeat and joked about manythings. But she also thinks she is testing me by asking me questions such as liking any of the girls and what I would do if they liked me. But I didnt say before i said I wouldnt do anything because I dont want to get their hopes up for me. I said it as if I was full of myself and just to make a joke.
At first I was upset over the talk because I was thinking she was pushing me to see other people, and she was questioning if I talked to my family yet and she was asking why and what have they been saying and just asking a lot.
After talking to a friend and my counsler, they both think she might just be testing me by asking all these questions to see if im still interested or moving on, because she might have thought I was getting over her the past 2 weeks since I didnt contact her much.
Well, New years weekend i mentioned how much she contacted me and how she asked me out twice. One thing I know was her sisters were away and not around to bug her and she seemed happier too which also backs up my idea of how much they are a big part of the problem. But I also returned the contact occasionally and she would respond, or email me and we were just talking much more then.
From december 31 - jan 14, we had some form of communication or contact for 11 days. Then I just stopped because I know she wanted to tell her family about us by chinese new year so i was giving her space to do it, even though she didnt after all.
I am a little doubtful now about keeping my counsler these days. She is nice and means well but her suggestions are always things like showing my affection to her or buying her things or asking her for her feelings about me and she always asks me how lon am i going to wait and i feel like im getting a vibe from her that she thinks i should move on and not wait for her, but at the same time she does think my GF is still confused and has shown me positive signs. This counsler is nice but I am doubting her knowledge. Its just that I have been seeing her for 2 months and i hate to start over again but i might have to.
Sorry, Im rambling, just feel like talking to someone about this.
Anything worth having is worth working HARD for!
Making a New Move
Well, just a few small notes. Nothing really new here but I am going to call GF tonight after work and try to have a good conversation. Just keeping our lines open to eachother and working on re-building what I may have lost by going too dark the past 2 weeks. I am also planning on calling her at work Friday and if all goes well, ask her for lunch on Sunday. There is no pressure there and lunch is only about an hour or so, so hopefully she will agree to this idea. After all, food is the quickest way to her heart someetimes! =) Wish me luck!
One other thing, I was watching a re-run of Friends last night and Monica was upset after breaking up with her boyfriend Richard. Anyways, her dad came over to comfort her and he told her how him and his wife broke up for a while before they got married. I know its just TV, but it just reminded me that it does happen. People can break up and come back together for the long haul. Well, it made me happy seeing that.
Anything worth having is worth working HARD for!
Making a New Move
Ok, this should be short for once! I called GF last night around 10:30. We spoke for almost 30 min. She was mostly venting about her Father getting on her nerves about several things. I made an extremley concious effort to show complete Empathy and I think it went well. It didnt have to be a more pleasant talk because it showed she can still talk to me about her problems. I am going to try to reach out to her again sometime tommorow but not sure if I will ask her to lunch or coffee yet.
I have an idea! Maybe I can call her and just say hi, and then text message her on Saturday? This was I spread out the contact and she wont feel like she is in the spotlight to answer and I dont have to worry about cathing her at a bad time. What do you think?
Anything worth having is worth working HARD for!
Making a New Move
Sorry it took me so long to get back with you. Were you starting to think that I had to go pick up my son in Brazil? I had really good intentions of posting to you that night. But a bad few days on my sitch, and son has the flu. So I just got around to it.
I think you are starting to observe things and learning what makes her tick. I don't say this in a bad way, only that you are seeing what she does and doesn't respond to. If you have found that backing off has sent her in the other direction than try something different. This is what Michelle says in the books too.
Validating her feelings about her father was great. My H always tried to fix it or correct my feelings. I think you scored lost of points by being a freind and listening.
She hasn't told her family yet. Take this as she is confused and doesn't really know what she wants. If she definitly wanted it to be over she wouldn't care who knew. This is a good sign in my book.
The changes in yourself will make you feel better. This will be apparant to her too. This is a very attractive thing. Don't just assume that the changes are only for her to see. I did this in the beginning and my goals were worthless. They have to be for you only with her out of the equation.
I think you are doing very well. I am probably not the best to give advice, but I can be a great cheerleader. But just to warn you the last back handspring I did was about 20 pounds ago, so don't look for any fancy tricks from me!
Keep posting and I will keep checking in I promise!
STC, Thanks for coming by! I have been reading your situation so I understand why you have not been around. Thanks for coming back anyways! I will be checking your situation out soon and hopefully I can offer you some support as well.
Well, nothing too new here yet. I was invited to a Big Dinner banquet and party afterwards by her and her sisters group of friends. I did not RSVP for it though and figured I would let her go out and have fun without worrying about me. I want to spend time with her, but during our break she feels like she has to be concerned for me when Im around and she cant spend time with her friends, do I am trying to make it a private thing whenever we are together. No romantic pressure, just private. Well when I spoke to her during the week she asked me if I was going and I may be reading into it too much but her voice was optimistic when she asked me. But I told her I wasnt going. I hope she missed me.
I did however go out with my friend and his girlfriend went to that dinner too. We had a lot of fun hanging out and I was able to get my mind off a lot of things. We did talk a little about whats going on with me and he was very supportive, and optimistic about everything.
Yesterday I went snowboarding. I was supposed to go with my friends girlfriend and her friends but she got sick so I went alone. It would have been better if I had company but I still had fun. Im trying not to rely on others to be able to have fun.
Well, Im going to go to the gym now and after that, call my GF and ask her to Brunch. She doesnt usually get up until later on the weekends. And Im not going to extend my stay either. Ill take her out and drop her off. I hope things go according to plan because I really am dying to see her. its been about 3 weeks since I have seen her. wow, Thats scary when I think of it. ok, not going to let that bother me. I know many people have suffered worse and have still reconciled so I will keep the faith!
Sorry for another long post and Ill be back later to discuss my lunch with GF, if we do meet up.
Anything worth having is worth working HARD for!
Making a New Move
