One thing I have to try to pound into my head is that my GF told me that she never had serious doubts about us until I kept questioning our situation and pressuring her when we were getting back together. I feel like if she believed that then, I would like to think that those feelings should still be there but they are just a little clouded.
I am not trying to discount her feelings, but this whole situation is hard for me to believe still because she was SOOOOOOO very much into me. Im not trying to blow my own horn but she was head over heels for me. She used to tell me how she would go crazy if I left her, etc. Well, she is known to be a very fiery person. If someone really upsets her, she shuts them out and I didnt make the most of the opportunities we did have to open her eyes to me again so Im gonna give it my all now.
The only other part that scares me is I feel like its the beginning and Im trying to win her heart. I hated doing it the first time around and now Im afraid I forgot what to do. It has been almost 8 years ago! Ok, well I obviously was keeping her around for those many years by being myself and having a good sense of humor so Im gonna try to show that to her, but I also dont want to come on too strong. Wish me luck that I can find a balance! Thanks!
Anything worth having is worth working HARD for!
Making a New Move
I need help please! Ok, well this weekend I saw my GF from Thursday night all day Friday and Saturday and for like 2 hours on Sunday because We had concert tickets on Thursday and Friday we went into NYC to celebrate her birthday and stayed over her sisters apartment and we all hanged out in the city on Saturday. Anyways, I know some things bothered her for her birthday party and she wasnt too interested in partying that night in the first place but some people didnt socialize or didnt show at all and one time when she was talking to a man friend of hers, her sister went up and kind of bitched to her that she was being rude by showing too much attention to him. I know this really pissed her off. I tried to cheer her up a little. I must admit I was dissapointed because I wanted more attention from her but she did have to try to spend time with everyone. She even told me that she was mad at this guy because he came and just sat on the couch with his friend instead of dancing or anything and then they didnt saty long. she told me thats what she was talking about to him. I know she didnt have as good of a time as she hoped for. She has been really looking forward to celebrating her 25th birthday because she feels like turning 25 is such a major thing, and it didnt turn out like she wanted.
Anyways, In a way I did good this weekend by not questioning who she was talking or text messaging on the phone like I did in the past, or blowing up on her myself when she was talking to her guy friend at the club. I was pissed but I tried to keep cool. All I did was show her I was happy even though I was sad at times. She just seemed so down in the dumps over everything. I know she kept telling me she was tired and grumpy because she didnt have enough sleep most of the weekend and we were very busy doing different things. We werent supposed to hang out on Sunday but I went X-mas shopping and she called me to tell me that she was out shopping by herself because her sister bailed on her so I asked if she was coming to the mall if she would like to meet up so we did. We got some pizza and talked about her sisters and her problems with them. She has been saying how she doesnt like to think about the future latley or that she doesnt think positive anymore because her hopes keep getting knocked down. I asked her what keeps knocking her down and she said its just the things we were discussing. (which was about her family not giving her any privacy and intruding on her life)Im afraid she is getting into a depression. I asked her If I can help somehow to let me know because I hate to see her unhappy. She just shrugs it off and acts like there is nothing to do. I tried to keep my happy act up for her and joked around a little and things actually seemed a little lighter than when we first met up. I even made her laugh about the way she was acting because she seemed so angry, even at the items she was shopping for.
Well, Finally let me get to the point here. Seeing her so negative put a huge toll on me and scared the crap out of me. I want to help her but I dont know how. She mentioned that she should be seeing a therapist instead of me because she has these problems and i jumped at the chance to invite her to my counsler but I doubt she will take the offer. I mentioned it briefly but then she got a hpne call from her sister and I think we dropped it after that. Id like to bring it back up again but not act as though Im pressuring her but she needs help!
Part of me wants to go against what is taught here and have a discussion with her about our relationship and try to convince her how good everything was. Im not blind, I know she loved me and everything was great between us. She was border line obsessed with me. I just mean that for 7 years we acted like we just started dating. I feel like this 7 month break is making things worse and we are drifting farther apart. I say this because I backed off a lot 1 1/2 months ago and at first I got text messages, phone calls, and some emails but it seemed to dwindle towards the end. I know I had some backslides during the 7 months but I dont feel like they were soo horrible that they would have made things even worse. I guess I should take this weekend as one of the down times there will be but I cant convince myself that! I have known her for a very long time and I know how she is. When she wants to block something out, she does and can forget about it.
I know she used to have a best friend that screwed her over too many times so she just closed the door on her and never talked to her again, and I know Im not in that boat so I guess I should be greatful but Im not. I want more and I am losing all patience! Im tired of waiting! I want to talk to her and start working on things. I feel like there has to be another way, like there is something I should say that I didnt before. I feel like I need to come up with some words to sweep her off her feet and not make it seem selfish of me. Im so confused.
Im afraid that she is going to drift farther and farther away from me even though I know many of her problems are with her family but she is punishing me it feels like at times. I know I wasnt perfect in the beginning of the split by adding pressure or questioning her when she would be going out so much. but I have to do something!! she told me on Thursday before the concert that she thought i was moving on because of 2 events. The first time was at a club some girl started talking to me but I really didnt talk back much at all. I eventually moved away from her. The other time was a friend of her friend asked to hold my arm on Halloween in the city to stop guys from howling at her. I told her I wasnt moving on in that way at all. I cant lose her!!! I am so freaking scared that she is going to just ignore all of this because she is like a closed door when it comes to her emotions. Please help me!!! What should I do?!?! I have to talk to her. I have to convince her. I just need to find the words.
Anything worth having is worth working HARD for!
Making a New Move
Ok, ok. I think I have been selfish. I just talked to my close friend who has been helping me with all of this for a while now and he gave me very good advice. I can see that she is going through a depression and confornting her with my relationship questions might add more of a burden on her and do more harm than good.
My friend helped convince me that I need to start being un-selfish and try to help her through her other problems and If I can do that, then she will see how much I care and it could bring her back to me. This makes sense in a way right ladies? Its the same idea of rebound relationships? When someone shows a person going through a rough time lots of support and understanding, they go right to them, so why cant I have a rebound relationship with her?
Her situation is just so hard and I dont know exaclty how to help her out of her problems but hopefully I can learn a way to make her look at her problems with more optimism and maybe cheer her up somehow when she feels down. What do you think everyone? I know my previous post was very different than this one, but I was placing too much hope assuming great things were going to happen and when they didnt, I felt like crap. I need to learn to show nothing but support for her and be patient!
Anything worth having is worth working HARD for!
Making a New Move
Well, I have to take action now. I am going to talk to her older sister today about her backing off as well. Incase you dont know, my GF has not told her family about us yet. She knows they will blame her and be mad at her because they love me too much. I too know that this will be their reaction. Anyways, Her sisters have been harrassing her when she is on the phone with friends or when she goes out without me and they always bug her about me. Any improvements I make, her sisters just ruin it for me still because If Im not pressuring her, they are.
My GF is really upset after this weekend though because while celebrating her b-day at a club, her sister yelled at her for talking to one of her guy friends too much. She told me she was talking to him because she was mad that he came and just sat there the whole time with his friend and they didnt dance or anything. It really upset her that she got yelled at for talking to her freind. She feels like she is not allowed to have any friends and she cant do anything unless its with me. She feels that she isnt looked on as an individual, but as part of a couple and this is really bothering her. Her sisters also told her it looked like she was ignoring me at the club because she was dancing with her friends and really didnt show much attention to me. I knew to expect that, and it did bother me a little too but I know not to say anything but now her sisters are.
Anyways, I dont know what my GF is waiting for so I am going to tell her oldest sister that she needs some space. My GF is very angry and she has been telling me that she feels hopeless and she hates her life. She has told me this several times and I dont want her to feel like this anymore so Im stepping in.
One other positive thing, I finally started talking to her friend about my situation, not trying to get her on my side, but just to see if she had any input on how I can help January and she said she thinks its more of a problem with her sisters than me because thats what she is always complaining about. But her friend didnt know that she has been saying she hates her life and how hopeless she feels. In a way I feel good because it shows that my GF is telling me more than her friends. It shows that she can be more open to me than everyone else.
Well, I will be talking to her sister at lunch today so I will probably be back later with a report on how it went. I just pray that she will be understanding and I can appeal to her caring side. Wish me luck everyone!
Anything worth having is worth working HARD for!
Making a New Move
Well, it seems like no one is paying attention to my story anymore but Ill keep posting incase someone bites. It will be nice to get some support. =) Well I spoke to my GF sister last night over dinner and she was quite upset over it all and furious with her sister as I knew she would be. Thats why my GF was afraid of telling anyone. Well, I like to think thats part of the reason and also because she doesnt want to admit it either.
Well, I was able to appeal to her sisters rational side and convince her to stop pressuring her about me and also to lay off of her in general. She doesnt feel that she should have to bite her tounge because her sister doesnt want to take responsibilty for anything and I told her I agree that its not fair, but how fair do you think it is for me? Im the one getting the most punishment out of this. At least they are sisters and nothing can ever change that, but Im the one that can be replaced.
We both agree that my relationship with my GF has been so strong and we have always been so close and together for 7 years, that my GF isnt going to forget all that and deep down we believe that in time she will come around but unfortunatley, we need to leave her be to think things out for herself. At least now that I stopped pressuring her, and without much pressure from her family, hopefully she will finally have time to think about what she has been doing.
She has just been so defensive to everyone latley she hasnt had time to think about the situation, and in the beginning she was keeping herself busy by going out all the time in a way to avoid the topic. She has always been like this since I knew her and even her sister said ever since she was a little kid she has been like this also. She is very stubborn. I hate that about her, but at the same time, I love it about her.
Please pray for me everyone. I dont know what else I can do now. I know I will act upbeat in her presence, and I think I will send her a card once in a while or some contact to ask how she is and to let her know I care but nothing mushy.
She still does things in my presence that shows how comfortable she feels around me still, and she tells me more than her friends about her problems, so I just need to be there for her and hope she comes to her senses soon. Our anniversary is a week after valentines day so I hope that with those events approaching, she will really start to remenis.
Anything worth having is worth working HARD for!
Making a New Move
You're not alone Marc. Sounds like things look positive for a reconciliation down the road. Someone on this BB has a quote that says something along the lines of "maybe we are apart now so that we can be together forever". Seems appropriate in your sitch.
Thanks you so much! It really means alot to hear that. I love that saying too! Those are definatley words to live by in a time like this. And your right, I truly believe in my heart that when she is not so confused over everything, she will start to come back to me. Thanks again!
Anything worth having is worth working HARD for!
Making a New Move
You know, at times I get scared and impatient because of the length of our seperation going on for 7 months now but I know there are differences with my seperation that could be viewed as positive besides all the positive small signs.
Such as, she wanted a break after a big fight we had. She didnt want to deal with it, plus her mother moved to North Carolina from NJ the week before. She immediatley started going out with people from work and making new friends in a way to avoid her problems. Doing this then caused problems at home because it was looked on as though she wasnt helping out at all since her mother left. Plus there was pressure from me to go out with me more often.
She always told me she had faith in us and had no plans to break up with me, she wanted to spend her life with me no matter what, but I didnt know how to deal with a seperation and it scared me so I kept looking for reassurances and made her doubt things.
Well, I hope now that I have backed off and if her family can be nicer towards her she can maybe stop running soon. I know she has been ignoring everything and has been trying to do things to occupy her mind. I hope she will soon start thinking about things. Ill be spending X-mas eve at her house with her family so I hope to make a great impression there and will keep working my ass off for her.
Anything worth having is worth working HARD for!
Making a New Move
