I work for the school system and when we are on christmas break I am painting my bedroom and redoing it the way I want. Screw him. And I'm going to a party this Saturday, Alone!!! And spending the night, he doesn't know that yet.
My aunt invited me to Florida during the 2 weeks, maybe I'll do that for several days. I don't know, but I'm trying to think about me and getting on with my life.
My H is just very quiet at home. Falls asleep on the couch a lot.
He did get angry over the summer, not bad though. Said I cook to early, and we had too many groceries. What??? I just laughed.
I did play with his head a few weeks ago. I know i shouldn't play games but it was fun. I had caught him on the phone one day with OW, he was running up the steps trying not to get caught, and he tried to deny it so I left.
Then last week he came home and I started running up the steps, he came around the corner so fast and looked up the steps and said something to me. I just went in to the bathroom and smiled. Never said a word.
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
I work for the school system and when we are on christmas break I am painting my bedroom and redoing it the way I want. Screw him. And I'm going to a party this Saturday, Alone!!! And spending the night, he doesn't know that yet.
My aunt invited me to Florida during the 2 weeks, maybe I'll do that for several days. I don't know, but I'm trying to think about me and getting on with my life.
My H is just very quiet at home. Falls asleep on the couch a lot.
He did get angry over the summer, not bad though. Said I cook to early, and we had too many groceries. What??? I just laughed.
I did play with his head a few weeks ago. I know i shouldn't play games but it was fun. I had caught him on the phone one day with OW, he was running up the steps trying not to get caught, and he tried to deny it so I left.
Then last week he came home and I started running up the steps, he came around the corner so fast and looked up the steps and said something to me. I just went in to the bathroom and smiled. Never said a word.
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
The physical thing is a problem for me right now. I am still attracted to my H, and him to me he says. But when I think about the OW, I get sick and repulsed. I am hoping that if he gives her up and does think about coming home, maybe that will change.
I don't know if other people have gone through this.
Is this a girl's only thread? or can guys post too?
Great thread Breton. A lot to think about here.
Angelica,
Quote:
Where does this emotion fit? Does no-one else feel this - it doesn't seem to get mentioned. Are we ashamed of jealousy and longing? Or am I deeply emotionally immature? I know it isn't healthy . . .
I think one reason some men don't post about this is fear of seeming shallow. My friends wife asked me once how we can still stay in the same house together, when I mentioned how hard it is to see her looking good and miss the physical aspect, she asked me is that the only thing you miss?
I don't think that makes us emotionally immature.
It still kills me to see her everyday and know I can't touch her, hug her, or put my hand on her arm, but someone else can.
Heck yes I'm jealous. But I'm working on it.
These are my friends now!
But someday baby... You ain't worry my life anymore
Take away, take away what I don't need, save the good part please. Fade away, fade away.
No, I think feeling jealous is to be expected! If I think OW is having fun w/H, I feel very angry and, well, I admit that is jealousy.
And you know, I have to admit that I have been glad when H encounters misfortune w/OW. I feel like he needs that to grow up.
And, like the MLCer, I think we drift among the stages. I go back to anger more than I care to admit, but I am coming towards rope-drop.
I don't actually feel jealous. I feel sorry for her cos he is not a nice person right now. He may be acting all happy but the amount of anger he has in his heart for me can't leave much room for love for her. I remember all of his bad habbits often. That helps.
I can also see how clearly being away from my son so much is tearing H apart. Christmas is going to be awful for him.
I am glad when things go wrong for him though I must confess.
I certainly drift amongst stages of grief or whatever it is. So much so he probably thinks I am having a MLC
NC
Be The Greener Grass.
Me 40 H 42 Son 11 Married 15 years. Left May 2006 after gambling spree I had EA August 2006 OW Aug 07 after another gambling spree (she will make me happy - stop me gambling!) I filed for divorce 9th April 2008.
Short - I am not expressing this well - but I think that because you come from an abusive background you deal with much of MLC much better than many of the rest of us, who come from cosier worlds. I think are more experienced than many of us at detaching from the craziness.
I hope none of this sounds either patronising or that I think in some way you have had it 'easy', but I think it might explain in part why you feel repulsed. I think that is unusual, and if you like, your particular fall-out from this situation. You are less emotionally engaged [not less in love] - more detached, but the physical engagement might be harder for you. I am not quite sure why, but I think they are connected. Does this make sense?
Yes, it makes sense. Not sure about easier. I was so traumatized I had PTSD. I had dreams of my H being my father, meaning it brought back all my memories of abuse. So while I know the drill on one hand, I had to relive my childhood on the other. Definitely not fun. However, you are right, since it was familiar turf, the recoup time was faster for me as I knew what to do.
The physical thing has more to do with the other woman than my husband. She is really creepy to me and has two STDs that I know about. She is not healthy or clean. She is also bisexual. I have a lot of gay friends, so the bisexual thing is not really the issue, its more like I wonder what in the world are they doing. She also brags about having had consensual sex with her father. I don't even know if it is true, by why even say something like that? The creepy thing is I wonder if my H is into some bizare stuff I don't want to know about.
