Hmmm. You may not have meant it that way, but that post implies (to me) a lack of credit for the parent and person that YOU have become over the past 1-2 years ON YOUR OWN.
Don't get me wrong - sounds like you and P had a blast hitting the town, and that is definitely a good thing. It also sounds like maybe there is some long term potential with this person. It just kinda jumped out at me that maybe you are giving her some credit that is more rightfully yours. She may be a class act and possibly even a keeper, but if she hadn't been there to text with you, I'm betting you would have gotten the job done with D7 just as well. Nice to have someone who's been there to bounce ideas off of and sympathize with? Absolutely, I get that. But, beware of putting her on a pedestal that maybe even she wouldn't want to be on. Ironically, it seemed to me to be the exact opposite of the "fixer" that you once always tried to be - so now instead, you are attributing the "fixing" to someone else.
But, that was just my impression, and I'm no shrink - if I'm wrong, I'm wrong - wouldn't be the first time...
Just giving you stuff to think about - but you're doing a bang up job regardless, keep it up dude and proceed (carefully)-
Kev
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall." -Confucius
"God alone decides the contest; but we must put our shoulders to the wheel." -Adm. D.G. Farragut
Kevin-38; XW-36 M-2.5, together 4 Bomb-1/6/07; D-6/27/07
Thanks Kev. No...I do think I'm a pretty good dad. I also think you can always do better and you can always learn from others. And that was one problem I always had with STBX. When I was having issues with the kids - she would NEVER step in and help. There were just times where I wish she would have stepped in and sent us both to our corners so to say. And that is one of the benefits you have of two parents under one roof...or should anyway.
But she was just able to first, get me to relax and laugh. Second, see it for what it was - over tired. And third she made sure that I didn't let the night end that way. I went in, woke her up (she had passed out on her floor) got her into bed (that i would have done) but then i snuggled with her, told her i loved her and we talked about it a bit. THAT would not have happend had i not talked to her.
And I'm not saying I can't do the same for her at times. I think i have even. But it's nice having another good parent who gets it and that you can bounce things off of.
And dude - she's really cool and all but I have NO idea where this will go and who she 'really' is as a person. Just getting there. Just diggin' her is all.
that is the benefit of having 2 parents under one roof, but its also a hard line to walk as a mom. we moms (generally speaking) tend to take over so much, that its hard to do what your stbx did and step back and let you handle things. trust me, as a sahm I've seen a lot of that...a lot of moms who complain that their h's don't step up more with the kids, but then we all realize its because the poor bastard doesn't have a chance because as soon as he does, we are all over him for not doing it "right." or maybe that is more a sahm thing? I don't know.
anyway, glad you got it sorted out with you D. I do miss that bouncing off of ideas with another parent, and nice that P could step in, via text, and make you see things differently. I swear an overtired child is like a bear sometimes. its like this weird posession of your sweet innocent little kid....scary!
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
When I was having issues with the kids - she would NEVER step in and help. There were just times where I wish she would have stepped in and sent us both to our corners so to say. And that is one of the benefits you have of two parents under one roof...or should anyway.
I had this out once with my WAW. Here is what I learned. From her point of view, she thought I didn't want help. She was worried that I'd be mad at her about buttin in. If I wanted help, she thought I would ask for it.
I'm glad you liked my old neighborhood. My former condo was about 100 yards from Sibling. That area should be on our short list for our next GAL
Good job w/ your little one. That is the biggest challenge to parents- being able to step back in the midst of the chaos and stresses to see what the real issue is. Feels good to get that right and make it right, doesn't it? And it teaches our kids that we don't always have all the answers but do our best to make things right so they don't have to be perfect all the time either.
Hey all! Thanks. M - I've seen what you describe time and time again...my sister is case in point actually. And when we had kids I was determined not to let that happen. I would be involved. But sometimes I think I was too invovled and I never let her fight her own battles with the kids. But the opposite was true with her - she never helped me when I battled. And I had asked her to...but she never did. I told her, when you see something escalating, please step in. Because it is hard to see itwhen you are in the middle of it (like jules said). Perhaps it was her whole non-confrontational thing...but whatever the reason...she failed. Whatever, now she's not here to do it, so I don't have the expectation that she will do it and therefore can't be let down by her again.
You know what I miss the most? It's when the kids have something big in their lives, good or bad, that only the other parent would be interested in. There have been times when something big happened and you can only brag about it to your friends to a point. Who else has a bigger stake in our children's lives? So you get this news and you're so proud, then what? That's when I feel a big huge void!
the void for me comes in the obvious ways too...like doughnuts with dad... no dad or band concerts or plays or football games or basketball games
there are only so many things I can get to and with two kids I am spread even thinner...what to go to...whose game is more important...and then what happens when I have a work commitment?
