Remember, someday they'll look back and remember mom was the beautiful, kind angel who soothed away the nighttime worries, and dad was the whiney bozo who always complained cause no one wanted to help his sorry a$$.
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
Called girls to say goodnight. Talked briefly to X. Asked if he got my message and he said he was planning on paying me for the 2 payments, but not for the overdraft fee as he told me to close that account over the summer and if I'd closed it, it wouldn't have overdrawn. I told him that if he had changed the payments to his accounts as he was supposed to, it wouldn't have overdrawn so it's his problem. He said he never had the info for the ins company (I said it was in the paperwork copied for the Ls and given to him) and that he hated that this had gotten so impersonal and impossible to deal with without going thru Ls and copies. (yeah, like acting like a giant a$$hole makes me want to deal with you). So he didn't realize it was in that ppw and that is my fault. And this is all my fault. ANd he's a narcissistic a$$ and I'm done dealing with him. If it isn't about kids, don't call me. Call my L. Will not talk to him anymore about anything other than kids. Period.
Then I got pulled over, right after talking to him. I was upset and crying, and the officer took pity on me and sent me on my way which made me cry harder. And I went to a mtg w/ a client and it went like crap and I finally stood up after 30 minutes and said we'll talk more about this later.
Ugh, surprised I didn't . Felt like I was gonna after talking to the A$$hole.
Geez, the little red angry face is pretty rare from you - sorry you are having to endure yet more his crap. I'll say this - he's extremely consistent in his a$$head ways. Something you may be able to use for your purposes down the road, but that's a discussion for another time...
For right now, not much to say after a night like that, except...take a few deep breaths, try to take your mind off of it for a few hours if at all possible, because today is almost over and tomorrow starts fresh.
And since you do have quite a few positives going for you, hopefully tomorrow things will seem at least a little better...
Hang in there-
Kev
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall." -Confucius
"God alone decides the contest; but we must put our shoulders to the wheel." -Adm. D.G. Farragut
Kevin-38; XW-36 M-2.5, together 4 Bomb-1/6/07; D-6/27/07
It sounds like quite a terrible day overall. I hope you are able to stay away from him today. This kind of crap no one needs, and he's probably aware of the bomb anniversary but would take out the sh!tty feelings on someone else. Like you, for instance.
You did a great job caring for your kids. You're the safe harbor in the stormy emotional seas they're not mature enough to handle on their own. Remind yourself how you turn their times of fear and pain into times of comfort and safety if your H tries to bring you down today. No matter what he says or does, the truth remains that you find a way to give your girls what they need. And that's more important than his inability to read statements and agreements.
Hugs and prayers,
Joe
My sitch More importantly, Light A Million Candles
HE is the one who talks about people putting aside their feelings of pride and whatever to help HIM out with transporting D4 to daycare (my sis just called me cuz he called her to ask for help) b/c it's best for D4... well, what about him? WHat feelings has he put aside for the best of the kids??? Just sick of the narcissistic, egocentric behavior that is breaking my kids' hearts.
Siloy, silly Jules. He simply means that EVERYONE else has to put aside their feelings, because in the end, remember, it is all about him.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
And this is all my fault. ANd he's a narcissistic a$$ and I'm done dealing with him. If it isn't about kids, don't call me. Call my L. Will not talk to him anymore about anything other than kids. Period.
I think e have reached the same point Julie, as far as I am cvoncerned the only thing i will discuss with my STBXH is picking up and dropping off the kids. Everything else can go through the lawyers. He hounds me on when my L is going to get back with an answer on the settlement agreement he sent. I sent a settlement agreement last spring and his answer was to file for custody. So if he has to wait a few weeks for my answer he will just have to deal with it.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
(yeah, like acting like a giant a$$hole makes me want to deal with you). So he didn't realize it was in that ppw and that is my fault. And this is all my fault. ANd he's a narcissistic a$$ and I'm done dealing with him. If it isn't about kids, don't call me. Call my L. Will not talk to him anymore about anything other than kids. Period.
Hey Jules, sorry you had a Night From Hell. Hope today treats you better.
I think you know this, but I'm gonna say it anyways. He is an a$$hole - that's a given, not gonna change. I like your approach of working through the lawyers - giving yourself that distance seems like a great idea. But I think you need to do a bit more.
It seems like you're still at a spot where you are giving the jerk WAY too much control over your emotions. He can only get under your skin with cr@p like this if you let him - I really believe that's true. Try to go into interactions with him - about kids, money, the past, or just the color of the sky - EXPECTING him to spew forth unreasonable, irresponsible, illogical baloney. And then, when he does, put on a big smile and say to yourself
My PMA is way stronger than his pathetic whiny sh!t. His complaints and digs are like little gnats buzzing around my ankles - I COULD get annoyed and upset by them, but instead I will ignore them and move along with my terrific day. He will not bring me down, because I will not give him PERMISSION to.
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
Julie Julie Julie, it is about power. It is about him saying things and getting to you just like he wants to. Maybe not on purpose, but subconsciously that is exactly what he is doing.
Right now he wants you to shoulder the blame, you to feel the hurt of your family falling apart because guess what, if its not your fault, who's is it? Thats right and we all know that he is not going to take any responsibility, he doesnt have it in him.
Jules, you are so good at dealing with others, your advice is sound to others, time to listen to yourself a bit. How about this, if J was in the same boat, what would you tell her?
Stay strong sweetie and absolutely no conversation other than about the kids. No reason for it at this point, use your L to deal with him. Have your lawyer send a email to his lawyer about the overdraft, you will still have to cover it, but it will cost him roughly $100 in legal fees to argue over a tiny overdraft charge. Make sure you point that out to him at some point if he bitches about it.
(((Julie))) I think you've got the right idea in having less contact with him. Thing is, you can't let him see you sweat. No matter what nonsensical BS he spews at you, stay calm. Soon, it will be automatic that you can react that way to his crap.
. Felt like I was gonna after talking to the A$$hole.