You have given me a lot of inspiration and some great ideas.
I am considering approaching my WAW with the idea of communicating this way without being confrontational, I feel that we can get to the real core of our issues that we may be hesitant to bring up at this time and this way it would put and end to the stalemate in our seperation and allow us to "vent", so to speak, so we can have a better understanding of each others needs.
Communication has always seemed to be an issue since the seperation (read that as eggshells) so this may be the ultimate icebreaker to this stalemate.
Quote: I think the trick is going to be just LISTEN and say nothing except uh-huh, i see, ect.
Anyway THE WALLS WERE DOWN!!!!!! and she talked
too soon to bring it up, I think you should continue with what you did during the last two intereactions with her and simply listen to her. now is not the time to bring up this bb (and actually not all spouses are willing) she may see it as persuit.
Quoting shinybear: Ceb, it really is different if the OW is someone you know, worse yet if you trusted them, worse yet if you considered them a friend. It just is. And in this case the OW went ahead with your A, KNOWING that she was stabbing a "friend" in the back. That's just awful!
This is the sitch that I am in. OW was a friend. Have been out with her. She has been to pool parties at my in-laws house. Knew H's mom before she died of cancer. She has been to my house. Heck, she even pushed my S8 in his baby stroller during a charity walkathon. It hurts to be stabbed in the back by someone you trusted over the years. This woman knows me, and I would have called her my friend. I cannot begin to describe how difficult it is now to imagine this woman playing step mommy to my kids. It is really sick! Anyway, I just wanted to give you another POV.
I am inspired by your thread. I hope to join you someday here under piecing. With God's help, I will!!
Keep the faith!!
Me 47 Ex H 46 Bomb 9/02 D final 3/04 Ex H now married to OW
------------ This is surviving. There is no such thing as a normal life, there's just life. So get on with it and enjoy it!
Every time I read your thread I am inspired by the hard work you are putting into healing your M. I think it is great that you two are so willing to open up and communicate with each other. I am sure that it is very difficult sometimes, but once you two have worked through all of this - just think of the strength and depth that your R will have.
Monday morning at work - time to slack off and post to the BB again!
As most of you know, this last weekend was the KLA seminar. Ceb and I had a great time the entire day even if we were a bit sleepy towards the end. Saturday morning we walk in a bit late and search for a place to sit. I only had a very vague notion of what the other DB'ers looked like so we couldn't find them in the crowd and just decided that we would figure it out at the bar afterwards.
Well, as we're listening to the seminar, something strikes me about the people sitting right in front of us. I just had this sense that they were BB people - I told Ceb about it and he just shrugged. Then Michele made a comment about the 2x4 and they all laughed at it along with Ceb and I so I was more sure of myself. I told Ceb that I'd bet him the lady with the long, curly black hair in front of us was chillywater and he doubtfully says, "How do you know?" and I said "Women's intuition." at which point he eagerly accepted the bet.
So we're all standing near each other in the lunch line and they're joking about something BB related and Ceb asks them if they're from the BB and tada, they were (see, this women's intuition stuff isn't a bunch of crap ).
The seminar was great! For me it was just a reiteration of everything we've all been studying here but I felt better knowing Ceb was there getting all the information from the source this time. He's picked up most of his knowledge about stuff from the BB and still hasn't had the time to get through DR or DB so it wasn't new to him but it was in a sense. The writing exercises were definitely new to him.
It was pretty funny when we were writing out our goals - Michele had us use the back side of the paper so we'd have more room and I ended up filling the entire back side with the goals and detailed explanation of them. Ceb looks over at my paper with dismay when he sees how much I'd written then back at his own where he has three simple lines. I've just had more practice at this sort of thing.
We were working independently on the exercises then exchanging papers. 98% of the time we were dead on with each other but there were a couple of differences which is good, more things to work on.
I went up to Michele during one of the breaks to thank her and gave her a really brief explanation of our sitch. She was so happy for us and gave me a hug. (Ceb didn't go up there with me because his knee was really hurting him all day.)
Had a really great time with all the DB'ers - zero, chillywater, js, hacker and abby. It was so great to meet all of you, you're all wonderful, attractive people. If anyone ever has a chance to meet any of these people, take it, you'll enjoy yourself! It's a shame that the weekend was so short, I think we could have had a lot more fun even if we all get tired at 10pm.
I had a great time also. I am a bit dismayed that I'm so easy to spot in a crowd of strangers. Guess I'll have to work on that. I enjoyed hearing Ceb's viewpoint on WAH's.
Also must apologize for running off with out a proper good bye. I was so tired all I could think of was going to my room and crawling into bed. Hopefully we will meet again.
Oh Yeah... It was a blast, I certianly think we should do it again... Next time though, I think we should stay away from the tattoo parlor... My bum still kind of hurts.....
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