Quoting ScottS: I think the most important thing would be what would your H think about you acting on this information. Unfortunately, we see illegal things every day, and usually do nothing.
Thanks ScottS.
I think I see it as a few things.
First, I see illegal things every day. At our company we pretend to work often when we're sitting around playing games online. My wife surfs the web when I know she probably shouldn't. I speed on my way to work, and have stolen pens & such from the office supply cabinet.
The information she looked up was her ex-bf (an account she made for him). I understand that it's illegal, but since they know each other so well, I consider it something between the two of them. I told her how I felt about it, but I wouldn't think of reporting a friend for something like that.
Finally (and the most important to me), is that I've been working at not hiding things from my W. I'm doing my best to tell her everything that comes into my head, interesting, funny, hurtful, etc. Now as soon as she started threatening me (or warning me, whatever) that she was thinking about contacting the OW's workplace, I have a definate reason to filter any more information that I have. I certainly wouldn't mention anything else that could be used in blackmail later. Why? Because I can't trust my W to keep anything I give her confidential.
Sounds bad, but it hurts me to think that I can't tell my W something confidentially.
Ceb, I can appreciate what you are saying there...
As for me, I have 2 jobs... During the day I am will win ordnairy mortgage banker... During the evening... I AM WILL WIN REALTOR...
A couple of weeks I ran in to a similar sitch, kind of...
A friend of mine at church (We will call friend G) was talking to a vistor (we will call him J)... The visitor told him that he was moving to town. G immeadiatly calls me over and tells me the sitch. I introduce my self to J and give him a card. J calls me a few days later, on my phone at the relo office, I have a trap line. It will tell me the number a person called from, incase some one leaves me a message and no number... So J calls, leaves me a different number then what was trapped... So I write down the trap number, and call J at the number provided. J and I schedule a meeting. The day of the meeting arrives and J never shows up. The next day I am talking to G telling him we had an appointment. G who's w works for the county prosacuters office tells me that J is a wanted man for fraud and forgery. G's wife T then ask me for the numbers... I am now in a delima... I have confidential information from a client that he did not give me that I received through my job. J is also wanted... I cant just give T the numbers that I received... Or can I???
SO I talk to my broker... My broker reminded me of my fiducary responsiblity to my client to keep information confidential, and told me to do what I feel is right.
The point??? Sometimes one person has to struggel with what the ones they care about feelings and doing what is moral...
Dont beat Cal up too hard... This is something I am sure she is struggeling with...
Im sure if you both sit down, you can figure out the best solution...
As for me, my friend is having a supena filed for the other phone number so I can have a clear conseince....
In my humble opinion, I would say that you shouldn't go report her.
I suspect that if this woman is taking these actions, then she's lashing out at others because she is hurting herself. I also suspect that she'll have many chances to learn the lesson of "What goes around, comes around". I bet she's hurting herself much worse than you could ever hurt her.
However, the issue is not about what this other woman is up to...but rather bringing you and husband closer together.
He is opening up and sharing with you. It would be hurtful to reward that with behaviour that he sees as a form of betrayal.
It doesn't matter that it isn't a betrayal...perception is everything.
I think you are doing a great job of piecing...keep up the good work.
I know, at the beginning of all of this I said I already knew what I was going to do but I just wanted to talk about it with people other than my H since my H is still loyal to OW in a lot of ways - which really hurts.
He validates how I feel and understands but he doesn't think it's right or agree with me that she's a vicious, lying, manipulative, vindictive, bleep bleep bleep. I hate that he likes her. I hate that he thinks of her as a "friend". I hate that he wants to stick up for her.
In the end, I'm not the kind of person who would do that to another human being no matter how much I hate them. In fact, I don't even hate her really, I don't think I'm capable of hating someone. But, as WW said, I still struggle with the morality of the issue. Yes, I see people doing slightly illegal things all the time but, in my opinion, that is more than slightly illegal. Surfing the web at work is not a federal offense even though it might make me lose my job.
Again, this is just my opinion, but I think turning her in for her misbehaviour is just a band-aid. It's only going to feel better until you have to tear it off. And unfortunately putting this temporary band-aid on your wound sounds like it will only re-open your husband's scab.
Again, this is my opinion and I don't mean to offend you.
I know what you mean. H left this weekend to go on that ski trip and being home alone all over again just set me right back into depressed mode. I was reading the BB one night and came across B2K's recent development and it effected me so hard that I had to quit reading the boards until today.
I basically empathized so much with her sitch that it felt like I was living her life for a little while and feeling her pain completely - felt like I was in a different world. I suddenly remembered after a little while that I was ok and that stuff didn't really happen to me... that H was home and things were going well. Had to snap myself out of that, it was very weird and powerful.
