NP Donna... sounds like you are doing the right things by giving yourself time and making decisions for you.
I had a great night last night. Went to the going away party. It was out at a lake. We played v-ball in the lake, drank, ate, talked, laughed, had a camp fire, and just really enjoyed ourselves. There were about 3 ladies and 3 guys and then a bunch of the neighbors of the girl whose party it was (she lives in an apartment building). I am really finding that I have a good personality for drawing people out. It's cool. I think I'm so open with people about myself and kind of put it all out there, that they feel comfortable doing that back and it makes it so easy to get to know people. Making lots of new friends and enjoying life. Two of the new friends I've made in the past few months are moving this week so that is a bummer but I'm happy to have met them and met people through them and look forward to keeping track of them through email, etc. and seeing them when the come back to town for visits.
Went to church today, met with H for breakfast and a talk, and then did some retail therapy (horrible I know) but bought myself 3 cute sundresses on sale sale sale. I'll be looking hot hot hot on my next outings.
Convo with H was good. Helped clarify for me what I want and where I'm at with all of this. I feel good. Calm. I've done all I can do. He doesn't trust that I can meet his needs, doesn't wish to take a leap to try, and doesn't have faith in it. I can't change any of that. Those things are not within my control. The past is the past and I can't change it. I can only change the present and future, respect our vows and have faith in God to help us through it. If he can't, he can't. So, I feel good knowing that I did all I could and I know that part, is not in my control. I think I'll be able to live my life without regret because I'll know that I would have tried, would have really loved him and met his needs if given a chance, but I wasn't given that chance, and while that is sad, that part is out of my control. Should we have met each other's needs and made our marriage the first time around? ABSOLUTELY... but we didn't and the past is the past. We both made mistakes. But in the present, he doesn't wish to continue honoring the committment we made, to work on restoring it, and give it a second chance. It's sad but it is what it is and I'll make my life great. I navigated him towards the divorce paperwork online so I hope he'll start researching it and file. I'm ready for us to have a resolution since he doesn't wish to work on it.
Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. -Marcus Aurelius
You sound like you are in a solid place Dana. I'm happy for you. You HAVE done all you can do. More than anyone should ever have to do and put up with. You are an incredible person and will no doubt have all you have ever wanted out of life. It will come to you!
Dana-- You sound so strong. It is a good place to be. Sometimes, people are not as strong as we think they should/could be. And that is a shame, but a fact of life--we don't know what we have inside until we are truly tested. Scott is so right--you are going to have/make a great future for you! You can feel it, and it shows in your posts. It also shows to those around you, which is probably why you are making so many new connections. The more people in your inner circle, the healthier you are throughout life :0) Best of everything, Donna
Hey Dana ~ I was thinking of you today! I am glad that you are at peace w the convo you had w your H. You have done everything you can and you will be that much better of a person because you have taken a very difficult experience and have learned all that you can from it!
Thanks everyone. Appreciate the support. I have only seen my husband 4 times (I think that is the right number) over the course of like the last 2 months (and all those times within the last 3 weeks about), and everytime I see him, I'm more sure this is the right direction to be heading. Part of me feels guilty for saying that. However, I no longer know that I would take him back, even if he wanted to work on the marriage. He has openly admitted that the pain he has inflicted in the past year, he was very aware of it, knew it was damaging to me, disrespectful, and hurtful, yet kept doing it, and often I am not sure they he has stopped those behaviors. It is difficult to imagine actually wanting to spend your life with someone that has known they are hurting you and has purposefully and specifically continued to do so.
Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. -Marcus Aurelius
I was busy with reserves this weekend and was out of the loop, just got caught up with you and wanted to drop by.
Originally Posted By: galing
We both made mistakes. But in the present, he doesn't wish to continue honoring the committment we made, to work on restoring it, and give it a second chance. It's sad but it is what it is and I'll make my life great....I'm ready for us to have a resolution since he doesn't wish to work on it.
I really like what you wrote in that post, because they are pretty much EXACTLY the conclusions I came to as well over the past several weeks or months. I really think I have great things ahead of me, and think so for you too. I also know that it is no easy road to get to these conclusions. You really sound strong, even though we all have our down moments. Keep up the great work!
Kev
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall." -Confucius
"God alone decides the contest; but we must put our shoulders to the wheel." -Adm. D.G. Farragut
Kevin-38; XW-36 M-2.5, together 4 Bomb-1/6/07; D-6/27/07
I think I'm so open with people about myself and kind of put it all out there, that they feel comfortable doing that back and it makes it so easy to get to know people. Making lots of new friends and enjoying life. Two of the new friends I've made in the past few months are moving this week so that is a bummer but I'm happy to have met them and met people through them and look forward to keeping track of them through email, etc. and seeing them when the come back to town for visits.
