Thanks man. I'm starting to realize that although I can't really control how this plays out...I'm just confident that someway, somehow, regardless of HOW it plays out...I'll be happy in the end. It may be with my W, it maybe with someone else...it may even be by myself (although I doubt it)....but I'll be happy. Wanna know why? Because that it something that I CAN control! That is a choice I can make.
I hear ya. I came into this not being "good enough"..as did she. Well I know I am now....
Just got this fromt the W: ----------- So, maybe you can take the van somehow, I could grab it at your work on the way to the hospital tomorrow?, so you have it for Sat. and getting the bikes over there? Maybe you can drop S5 off at my house in the morning, cause it will be so early. He's adamant that he doesn't want to do it.
(Boss)is having a b-day party for (his W), starting at 3pm, i might want to try and stop by... we'll see... i'm going to take the kids to my parents house to have a dad's day dinner with dad that night... then depending on where you are on sat nite, etc... you can meet us at the (Restaraunt) on sunday am at 10am?
And, I'd like to arrange a meeting with the new mediator for a week from today, next thursday, that is. For around 6:00. It's in Plymouth (not sure where, I'll find out), think you can get down there by 6? ------------- Guess she's just going to keep driving to the hoop on this. Oh well.
She is moving down her chosen path, that is just fine for you. She will need to go through with a new mediator to stand by what she has already said to you. That is fine, you said yourself she may need to do this if there is ever to be a chance to heal and have a good R.
Your ok dude...... thats all that matters... as they say, sit your happy a$$ on the curb and watch the freak show roll on by.....
Not sure if you have been or not, but at this stage of the game it will probably do you good to count on her driving this train until she explicitly indicates or says otherwise. I've been in the position where you look for any and every little thing as a sign that this is not the case, or that she's having second thoughts. One of the key parts of detaching is not having expectations (as you already know) - and that includes not expecting her to change her mind from where it's at right now. I know that sucks though.
Kev
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall." -Confucius
"God alone decides the contest; but we must put our shoulders to the wheel." -Adm. D.G. Farragut
Kevin-38; XW-36 M-2.5, together 4 Bomb-1/6/07; D-6/27/07
I'm ok guys...really. Do I wish she would stop the train? Of course. Do I expect her to. Of course not. Nothing I can do. She wants to do this and that is exactly what she'll do. Nothing I can do to change it.
I told her that "that all sounds fine" in my response but then she had to email back confirming that the time worked. "Yup - that should be fine".
I know how it feels...and you are right, nothing you can do to change it. I looked for little signs and stuff that the D train might be stopping. Not sure why XW felt the need to follow thru and I may never know.
Ok...so I have kind of been putting this off...putting this up here. Just been unsure what I was going to do and didn't feel like taking heat from people. But since she keeps driving to the hoop...I guess I need to keep moving on.
There is this girl who I have known forever that lives around here. We talk once in a while, etc. I haven't told her what is going on with the W and I...but I also don't really talk about the W to her...so I think she has an idea. She never brings up my W either. She's Dd and is always telling me to keep an eye for a nice guy for her. She's VERY attractive, takes a genuine interest in me, very complimentary, etc.
Well I got an email from her last week saying "Lets get together for a lunch date or a coffee date". I have always in the past run the other way when presented with such offers. BUT...Told her that may not work with the new job but that maybe we could get together for drinks one night. "I'd love that" was her response. I was actually thinking that next Thursday would be a good night...but don't think it would be a good idea for me to do that after mediation...just in case I'm hurting.
So I'll pick another night.....but I feel like if she has made her choice and is continuing to push for this...then I do need to move on. Will this go anywhere - who knows. Not sure I'm really ready for it to go somewhere...but I think I need to force myself to start looking at a life without my W.
I have never once in our 11 years of M...or our 15 years together cheated on her, had an EA or PA or ANYTHING. Not even close. She has been with someone for 3 years now....may still be with him (or someone else) for all I know and wants to D me. She has told me recently that she is not with him...but she has told me that before and it was a lie. I will not do anything that I am not ready to do...but I do feel like I am ready to at least go out and enjoy a woman's company.
Thanks HS - Yes - I have hoped and hoped that someday she would realize that I was not the problem. That the solution to her happiness is within her. That she would open her heart, trust, love, believe and try. I know that I meant it when I stood on that alter and vowed for better or for worse in front of my family, friends, God and most importantly...HER. And we have had our fair share of worse...but I believed we could also have better if we both truly wanted it. She chose not to believe that...not to keep her vowes. Nothing I can change about that.
I've avoided doing this in the past because I know how it can be a slippery slope. Especially when I have done without attention for so long. At least 7 years now. It makes me nervous that I may actually like it I guess. I'm scared to be happy with someone else because, to me, it means breaking those vowes.
and Scott - really!!!! What the h3ll are you waiting for!!!???!!! I say go for a date with this lady, but keep it all light. Yes your emotions are up and down right now, yes there is part of you still hoping that W will come back to you, you're not really in a place to start a R with anyone else. But having a few dates, i don't see why not.
You say this lady is D'd too ... maybe you should share a little with her what is happening with you (you don't have to go into details) but it would be good at some point, if you do date this lady, to point out you are still a bit raw and might be a little up and down.
Only you will know the best thing to do .... I hope Tiara Ty drops in soon on this one, but I say GO FOR IT but GO SLOW!!! I think it's good to have a little flirt and it will do your self confidence no harm at all. Us girls can be a lot more understanding when guy says "let's be friends" than guys can (BIG generalisation I know, but hey I am thousands of miles away in the grey UK and so generalisations will have to suffice).
I think it may also help "you" to get the bit about life moving on, with or withou W. I believe there are 2 "yous" in us - the one who knows the right way and the feeling child who just wants something. Reconciling the two is a fine and difficult art.
Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05 Seperated Sept/Oct 05 Oct 06 - H recomitted July 11 - I am now a WAW.
PS I know part of you will be hoping that by going on a date with this lady your W may just buck up and notice you more. She might, she might not. Do not date this lady if you're just hoping to make your W jealous. No expectations, remember?
Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05 Seperated Sept/Oct 05 Oct 06 - H recomitted July 11 - I am now a WAW.
