Stillme's Chapters Continue

[L21959]

Oh, living here for 20 years does in no way make me an Okie...my kids, perhaps. But in truth, I'm a Virginian, born and bred...H (who's from the upper midwest originally) has always teased me about my inordinate pride in my origins...

[Nomopo]

Whew! I feel better.

[stillme]

Well, heck, I thought you were saying you felt better that you'd finally published your manu- uh PLAN! Went all the way thru your thread to catch up, and - nope - you're just chatting away on my thread. So, if y'all are done talking, let me post some more about Me.

Found out @ Dr. appt today Ive got an underactive thyroid (hypothyroidism) which means my thyroid isn't producing enough thyroid hormones, causing a general & progressive 'slowing down' of my body's functions. I don't think most of the Symptoms really apply (except particularly the 'feeling tired' one, but, hmmm, that could be caused by, oh, Other Things, lol) but what was interesting was that one of the SYMPTOMS of Hypothyroidism is Depression and, conversely, one of the symptoms of Depression is a messed-up thyroid (hypo- or hyper-)! Can't win, I guess. So, I get a Rx filled tomorrow; we mess w/the dosage to get it right; and pop a pill for the rest of my life. As the dr. said: It's not good news; but it's not bad news either.

We also talked about why I didn't take the anti-D's prescribed by his partner's - and he agreed w/me about my reasons (not feeling depressed) & feelings about meds in gen'l. (He did agree that, in general, our bodies/minds will resolve a depressive state all on their own [depression from a death gradually fades; depression from losing a job - same thing - esp. if we -- Hey, sound familiar? -- get out & DO things, act as if we want to get better, stop focusing on [the death, the lost job, etc.]) and, while in the deepest part of the depression, meds are useful to 'even out' the emotions & allow us to function w/o feeling overwhelmed by thoughts, emotions. I told him that if I'd been offered a A/D rx in Jan., I would have filled a candy jar w/the things & been quite happy. Now - not so much.


Sooooo, N:

It's about 3 pp. right now. 10 point font. It's really more of a summary of DR, with my personal; stuff (goals, strategies mixed in). I want to be able to review it frequently. I also feel better when I have my hands around a solid, well thought out, complete plan.
Actually, I am a little nervous to put it out there. What do you think?

I think it will be amazing & insightful & very very useful to everyone, not the least of which is you. (Gee, am I focused on myself a bit TOO much, ya think?) Seriously, I would love to form a plan around my sitch. Sometimes I just can't see my own forest. . . ya know?

And I think you have been extremely helpful & giving of your time, thoughts & insights of others' sitchs in your analysis-posts, esp. the last few days. Cheers to you [*glass raised*]. You'll be the DB-Hero! (Shoot, should we just start a dang Fan Club for ourselves?)

[Reincarnated]

I think we already have ;0)

Still, hope the sleepover goes great! And the info from the C about the kids was very insightful. My H does the same thing about saying the kids are "doing fine." Says I am coddling them.

Last night, both S & D asked to sleep in my bed with me again (at separate times). I coaxed them into their own rooms. The night before, S came in about 9:30 and said he couldn't sleep (went into my bed), and D showed up sometime in the overnight with a bad dream.
Last night, S shows up sometime in the overnight--he had wet his bed! The boy is about to turn 12!!! He hasn't had an accident in YEARS!! But they are just fine, right?
H saw him in the bed with me again this morning and asked what was up--I told him, but I don't think it registered. When S went to bed tonight, he laid out a sleeping bag on his floor--H asked him why, and made the poor kid tell him again! Even with the bed stripped, he doesn't want to sleep there until I can get a new mattress pad (in the plans for tomorrow).

Sorry to highjack a bit (I'm going to copy this to my thread, too, before I forget).

Hope that your little ones rest well tonight.

[Nomopo]

Good Morning!!! PMA is great today!!!!! You???

[stillme]

PMA's great!

Killin' time b/f girlie & I go to the mall. She wants some girl-pajama pants like I wore last night, and S needs more shorts. (Seems the ones he has all end up at daddy's house, so I'm gonna stock up.) Actually waiting for a guy I just 'met' in WalMart to come by. I overheard him (in the F'Day card aisle) on his cell saying he was gonna buy a VCR for someone; and I said that I had one sitting in the garage (obsolete since we bought the kids a tv/dvd/vcr combo thing last yr). So for $25, it's win-win. (And part of my 180's by being more outgoing & not ignoring the rest of the world.)

Took 2 boys home at 11, chatted w/their mom for a while. Oh, before that 2 of the moms of D's friends who we'd called for sleepover last night called back, and now D has 2 'dates' for next wk - plus I spent a while on the phone w/one mom b/c it turns out she is D'd & she had an interesting take on the S-thing: When she got to a WAW stage, she told her H she needed to S for a while to think about the M/R. She was thinking it was a good thing (After all, her parents had S'd for 6 mo. when she was 10yr old, they realized they wanted to work on the M, did, and have stayed M ever since!), but her H got angry, ASSumed it could only end in D, filed first &, bingo, it was over in just a few months. She still regrets it, and says there were things she never got to say to him. Interesting.

Oh, kids got black wooden picture frames (a 3-framed one & a single 5x7) for H, plus cute cards. We came home, put things away, wrapped the presents, had lunch and now S is at a friend's & as soon as WM guy comes for the VCR, D & I are off to the mall. H (Did I say he called yest.?) is working until at least mid-aft. & will p/u kids then. Hopefully, I'll have time to run to cellphone store & cable place to revise our plans . . . If not then, then Mon. Oh, also got to go fill that rx.

Plans to have lunch/play/swim w/(another)friend & her 2 boys got cancelled last min., but that turns out okay. Her 3yr old launched from the bed into the closet & tore a gash in his leg on the metal floor door-track piece. But now this friend & I are going out to lunch etc tomorrow w/a friend of hers sans kids (whoo-hoo!) after the in-house jiu jitsu tournament the boys will do from 9-noon.

Yeah, PMA is up, and another busy day.

[Nomopo]

PMA may be up, but I'm exhausted just reading about your days.

Actually waiting for a guy I just 'met' in WalMart to come by.

Don't forget that you are still committed (and I don't mean like in an instituion).

she had an interesting take on the S-thing: When she got to a WAW stage, she told her H she needed to S for a while to think about the M/R. She was thinking it was a good thing (After all, her parents had S'd for 6 mo. when she was 10yr old, they realized they wanted to work on the M, did, and have stayed M ever since!), but her H got angry, ASSumed it could only end in D, filed first &, bingo, it was over in just a few months. She still regrets it, and says there were things she never got to say to him. Interesting.

Very interesting. Wouldn't it just be easier if they would tell us what they were thinking. But, seriously, that should give us all hope. Not that our WASs are necessarily thinking like that, but they could be. Thanks for sharing.

Nomopo

[stillme]

[big sigh] Can't wait until bedtime. I'm (to use my British friend's word) fashed.

WalMart guy came by for VCR - Turns out he was buying it for a handicapped friend. Made me feel even better I spoke up. He was very chatty - talked about moving back to area after being in NC (I think), asked what Pilates was (saw my car sign), said he did Akido (ph) (martial arts), asked if I knew a massage therapist in my 'line of work' & would I call him if I came up w/a name . . . After he left, I had a lightbulb moment & thought: "Was that. . .?!" - Guess my M-blinders are still firmly in place. LOL. I did not even notice if he wore a ring or not. I swear! And, as my Dominican BFF's mom would say "No es feo." (ph) So, yeah, I'm still committed, N. No worries.

Did the mall w/D - Bumped into acquaintance mom/kids I haven't seen in 6-7 mo., got caught up, exchanged cards. She wants to get a Pilates class going w/her friends/coworkers at the country club/med.facility she works at! Yay!. Dropped of the rx, got the cable taken care of, then the cellphone place, ran to ballet studio to p/u D's recital book, back to the pharmacy. While waiting there, I get a call from someone who saw my car/Pilates sign and SHE wants to take private sessions! Yay, again! Finally got home. H called just after 5pm saying he still had about 2 hrs work & could I feed the kids; made supper (tacos & leftovers), cleaned the kitchen, & now S is watching Angels in the Outfield (he likes the 'classics') & D is sitting on her swimgset pretending to make calls on my cell "like a teenager" (do they have an eye-rolling smiley face?) & waving at me thru my office window. Friend A called & asked if I wanted to meet at our fav. Scandanavian bakery/rest. w/another friend for dinner. When I told her I'd already eaten & still had the kids, she said to bring them over to swim if H was going to be much later, but I'm not budging. I hear my bed calling me early tonight. (Oh, yeah, I did end up sleeping in D's room last night - she even gave me her "Princess bed" & she took the trundle. But stil . . .)

So, journaling re: the kids -
While we were driving, I brought up D's request that I call ehr when she was w/H - asking if she wnted me to call EVERY day she was away. She said, "If you WANT to." Me: "I thought you told Miss.B you wanted me to call you. I just want to know if you want me to call you every day or only some days." "I don't know. I don't miss you every day." "Okay, how about this. If I see you that day - at home or at jiu jitsu or something - I won't call you; or if you call ME, I won't call you - but if I don't see you or talk to you, then I'll call in the afternoon, okay?" "Okay. If you want to." (Try reasoning w/a 6yr old.) Then, about 15 min. later, after she had talked about pets (H has said both she & S could get pets when he has his new house.) D asked, "Mom when are you & dad going to be living together again?" Said H&I don't act mad at each other on the phone anymore, and besides her friend's mom & dad got D'd & now they love each other again & are back together. (Actually, they were S'd for over a yr, and recently got back together - moving to Alaska to get away from family influences.) So we talked and I tried to ride the fine line btwn giving her false hope (sheesh), saying anything that might put H in a bad light, & reassuring her that H & I were working on being nicer to each other (1/2 a white lie) w/o taking it any further. Very tricky, but I think it went okay. Funny how she didn't seem to want to talk at all when I brought up the phone calls/at H's apt thing, but then had all kinds of questions about M & S & why we don't get along. . . Whew! Makes me wonder how H would have (has?) handled that same convo.

So, I'm off for a while. Hope everyone's doign well.

[Nomopo]

Great post J. And good journaling. Your P business is booming! And you did a good job with D's questions. It is a very fine line, but you handled with skill.

Nomopo

[SuperDad]

J,
You are the queen of everything! (and Nomo is the king) I am taking so many mental notes for when the kids find out that we are separating. Thanks so much for posting so many details, I have no idea how you find the time.

Have a great weekend,
SD