Sorry thing are so stressfull for you right now. Is he planning on getting more meds? I know it's hard when he takes it out on you.
I haven't read that book so no review from me.
As to how to do this....I don't know. Honestly, I just go minute by minute. This may sound silly, but I figure I've got 6+ years until my youngest is out of High School. Given that I won't date (wouldn't even if he had died) until my D's are grown, what else have I got to do? I kind of see this as an experiment (is that twisted or what?!?), doing what I want/need to for me and D's as well as figuring out what works with regards to H. If nothing else, what I have and will learn will be spectacular. In turn it will make me spectacular. Does my modesty show?
Grace, I appreciate you checking in on me! sometimes I feel so alone in all of this.
Med's... I went and picked them up for him and he is taking them again. Sometimes it is like his is a big "little" kid and can not do things on his own... other times he doesn't want my help at all... So confusing. And yes when something goes wrong it is MY fault. I am trying really really hard to let is slide off my back, like water off a duck's back! it just beads up and slips away!!! If only it were that easy
You are already SPECTACULAR, Grace. Don't ever forget that! You are so strong and make it seem easy. I know we all have "days" but your's seem to be less and less!
Some updating. As you know court is less than 1 week away. We now have SIL (little sister). SIL filled me in on some of what MIL has been saying. SIL told me that MIL made a comment that if she doesn't win this court case she should hire a Hit Man to take me out!!!! OMG!!! what do you say to that?? I told H about this and H has FLIPPED big time. I know H is scared for us and for me (makes me believe he loves me, or at least still cares for me) but H has been scared about this so he is not talking again or at least not to me.
All I can do at this point is leave H alone. Let H try and work thru things. Maybe after court next week H will open up some to me!
I did get the book "power of a praying wife" Walmart had it here for $11. I am trying to get it read... but having a hard time getting anything done with so much on my mind
wife of an addict M 39 H 39 D18 D 16 Together 19 M17
You are doing good by letting what your H does slide off your back. In my head, when my wife acts out, I already know she is a sick woman so I don't take it personally. That would be like me getting angry at a Cancer patient.
However, I am learing through the adive from 25yearsmic, that if she does speak to me in ways I do not like, I will answer her, "Please don't speak to me that way, or I don't like it and I don't deserve."
I will not, I will not, get angry at her in any case. I pray quite a bit and that has helped me alot.
Regarding your MIL, she is whacked. Since its already in court, that is good that you have filed for your protection. Is it possible for you and your family to move away from her? She should be on medication for whatever is upsetting her.
Your husband should support you and have no contact with a crazy person who is making comments like that. He needs to stand up to her big time. I can't remember if you have kids or not.
Sorry about your MIL. It will work out in time. People say all sort of things when they feel a defeat nearing.
I am glad you picked up the book.
I like that advice of saying please do not speak to me like that. I do that with my H as well. It always makes him stop and start over in a calmer manner. When he starts name calling I tell him "I do not call you names so why are you calling me names. That also makes him stop and start over.
I know how it is letting things go. I could have argued with H earlier this week but I let it go. It makes me feel stronger wen I do that. I realize now when I react to everything I am being weak.
Ok, since SIL is the one that heard this remark does she take it seriously? If anybody that know this woman does you should file for a restraining order ASAP. I don't know if she's really nuts or not, but I'm kind of leaning in that direction given that she's taking you guys to court over the kids.
First Hello everyone, thanks for checking in with me! A LOT has happened since I have been out here last.
We had court this past Thursday(April 26th) with MIL, things went ok, still not done, now they have pushed the rest of the case out until June 14th... so we have another month and 1/2 to go until this can be over.
H was very supportive and we have stuck together during all of this. I sat down with H the night b4 court (last wednsday) and I asked him straight out! Are you leaving me and the girls tomorrow or this weekend when court is done? H said that he does still have it in his mind about leaving me and our D's but H states that the thought is only about the size of a pea now. instead of over 1/2 of his thoughts. H wants to get thru court first b4 he makes a decision and does something he doesn't want to regret.
H did admit that his drinking and the crap that has been happening between us in the past few years has been b/c he wanted to get away from it all... H said that he would think about his Mom and then about me and then it would just over take his thoughts. He would then turn to alcohol and thought that if he stayed away from me things would get better. H now knows that alcohol is NOT the answer. yes we still like to have a drink or two with dinner or go out with friends, but shouldn't everyone enjoy time out?? H now goes to the gym, states that if things start to bother him between him and I or with his Mother, he will hit the gym instead of the bottle. So is that mean H is growing up and coming out of this? I don't want to get my hopes up but it sure seems like it.
H told me during our talk last wednesday that he has been happier with me in the past 2 to 3 months than he has been in a LONG time. but right now he just thinks of us as "Friends". I asked if he thinks of us as roommates. H said no. we still sleep together and still do things together... Roommates do NOT do that. I asked if he wanted to stop those things b/c we are friends. H said NO. I like doing them . Also H said he has feelings for me, but he doesn't know if it is "love". I told him that you know that some of the strongest marriages are built on a strong friendship. H said I know this.
I did tell H I will not push him to make a decision, I will not kick him out, H does know what I want out of this. he said to me that Wednesday night, I know you want our marriage to work and grow old with me. but I am not quite back to that yet. I told him I know... he has all the time. I did tell him though that if he leaves that I can not garauntee that i would be waiting for him. H also said he knows that. H told me that I am not going anywhere at this time.
so this all gives me hope. I did talk with my DB coach, Laurie, she told me that it seems that H wants to be in this M, he just needs to feel like he is in more control. DB coach told me not to push and that since I told H I am not expecting an answer that will give H reassurance that he can make the decision on what to do.
Right now Things seem to be going too well, but I am trying to take it 1 day at a time and enjoy the time I have with H and D's alone and together as a family.
wife of an addict M 39 H 39 D18 D 16 Together 19 M17
SIL told me that MIL made a comment that if she doesn't win this court case she should hire a Hit Man to take me out!!!! OMG!!! what do you say to that?? I told H about this and H has FLIPPED big time. I know H is scared for us and for me (makes me believe he loves me, or at least still cares for me) but H has been scared about this so he is not talking again or at least not to me.
Ok, this whole situation came up in court. SIL testified to it and doesn't really think it will happen. I think I believe that. My Lawyer did tell us to file a protection order if we feel real harm. at this point I think it was just a way of MIL getting her point across on how much she HATES me.
H has been very stressed about all of this... i am trying to help but don't know how. I LOVE him and I can only show him how much I love him. b/c when I say ILY he freaks... so I just give him an extra hug here or a hug there. Also H is ok with kisses again... so a quick peck here and a quick peck there I think is helping. I am not doing it all the time.. I don't want to pressure or make him feel overwhelmed by me. I still need to give him his space.
I have to admit that H has gone out with the guys on Sunday night, but here is the kicker!!! H called me to let me know he ws going... this is something he WOULDN'T do in the past. also H made the wise decision of NOT driving/riding his motorcycle when he was drinking. This is something that H has done in the past and he told me just a month ago that he was stupid when he did that and he is NOT going to do it again! I am proud of him. I let him know this too... I told him I am so happy and glad that he was a wise man and choose not to ride his bike home after he had been drinking. This also makes me believe that he is growing up and realizing that he is a man and not a teenage boy!
Any idea's or suggestions on that????
wife of an addict M 39 H 39 D18 D 16 Together 19 M17
Is he driving at all after he's been drinking? That's a little vague to me.
Sorry the court case got drug out, on the flip side at least he's not going anywhere right now. That sounds encouraging. It was also nice that he called you to let you know he was going out with his friends.
Grace, Thanks for checking in. I know I have been a way a little while, but with the court and everything. our M issues got put on the back burner... good???? not good?????
As for drinking, he used to drink so much and then drive home... some times he didn't even remember driving home. so this past sunday when he went out. He didn't ride his bike, he didn't drive his truck and/or a vehicle. H had a friend give him a ride home. He did tell me if they wouldn't have given him a ride he was going to call me. so I think these are steps in the right direction. all I can do is praise him for not drinking and also for letting me know what is going, him calling. b4 he said he wouldn't call b/c I am NOT his mother and he doesn't have to check in with me. he can do what he wants. I never argued that. I just said I would like to know if you are not going to be coming home. H and I don't have cell phones so I don't have a quick way to get a hold of him if I need to regarding D's...
I truely think that H is starting to seem some things clearer. I am not saying we are out of this by any means... it is just nice to know that he is starting to think of more than himself.
wife of an addict M 39 H 39 D18 D 16 Together 19 M17
OMG!!! what do you say to that?? I told H about this and H has FLIPPED big time. I know H is scared for us and for me 
(makes me believe he loves me, or at least still cares for me) but H has been scared about this so he is not talking again or at least not to me. 
