Easter was good!!! H had to work so I went to my parents alone with D's. had yesterday off. H did too... D's didn't have school so we spent the day as a "family" The day was good.
At lunch while sitting together as a family D9 told H that she doesn't like it when he doesn't join us to go to Grandpa and ma's. H looked at me and I said you need to talk with her. obviously it is bothering her and they need to talk. So H did tell her that he is going to try harder to get more time off from his job this summer and spend more time with us. but also he will not be able to go to EVERYTHING like Mom does. D9 asked WHY??? H said b/c of the type of job he has. He is sorry but right now this is how it is.
I was just glad that H talked with D, instead of letting me do it. b/c I have tried and it just isn't the same. I know D doesn't feel comfortable saying things to dad b/c of how he has reacted in the past. so I think that is why she brought it up at the table while we ALL were sitting there. She is such a smart little cookie!
H talked about summer plans and going out East with us and what he wants to do to the yard this summer and then we can have friends over... so this all looks good, but then I think... Court with his mom is 04/26. so what is actually going to happen at that point... So it gets my hopes up when he talks like this yet then again I am scared b/c he does say these things.
Thanks for listening to me babble.
wife of an addict M 39 H 39 D18 D 16 Together 19 M17
Glad Easter went well for you. Your D9 is sharp and I'm glad he talked to her instead of having you do it. I know it's hard to tell the kids things b/c we don't really know what they're thinking and I know I don't want to lie (or give false hope) to my girls. Mostly I encourage them to talk to him (not that he says too much).
I know that fear. Just try to keep the expectations to zero (easier said than done, I know).
I just picked up a new book that, if you haven't read you might like. It's "You don't have to take it anymore" by Steven Stosny. I find it very enlightening. It's actually helped me (I'm only 75 pages into it) make some decisions for myself that I thought were a long way off.
yes, I think that it was best if H would explain. b/c I have been trying to explain these things all along. It was good for H and D9 to talk about these things.
You're right Grace, I don't want to lie or give false hope about anything. our D's know that things are not 100% at our home, but they do know we love them and they mean the world to us.
FEAR!!! expectations at zero. I can say it over and over and over, but when it comes down to it. it is SO DAMN hard. I am working on it though.
I haven't heard of that book. I will check with the library and see if they have it. I am glad that it is helping you Grace, you seem strong and so wonderful most days. b/c I know we all have our days.
Thanks again for checking in on me!
wife of an addict M 39 H 39 D18 D 16 Together 19 M17
That was sweet of you to say I seem strong. I'm not. Like everyone else here my heart has been crushed. I read and learn as much as I can, it seems to help.
I am glad you had your H talk to your daughter. It is important we can not always cover for them.
My kids run to me for everything I am trying to have them run to dad more otherwise he thinks that they do not think about him. On easter he was really good about playing football with them. Having him quite smoking has been making him more involved in other areas. So its a really really good thing.
HS, I know exactly what you mean, my H has said to me b4. the kids ask you for everything. at that point in time I said, well I am the only one here most of the time for them... So if you work on being here for them, you will see things change.
b/c b4 D9 wouldn't have cared if Dad was there or here with us. now it seems to bother her, so H is making an impact on the girls. so that is a good sign.
well YUCKY here today. we have been getting snow for the past 2 days, but yet this weekend it is supposed to be in the 50's so it should be gone... just weird having snow this late in April.
wife of an addict M 39 H 39 D18 D 16 Together 19 M17
Well MIL is trying to throw a wrench in everything... she is trying to get some people she knows to write a letter about me being a bad mom, a misfit mother, an abuser to my H and everything for this stupid court case...
H is now very very stressed and I am worried, b/c I know this has been a strain on our M. I am afraid that this will get to him and he will actually leave. I know there is nothing I can do . OMG!! I just wish this was over and H was "sane" again!
wife of an addict M 39 H 39 D18 D 16 Together 19 M17
Just make sure to be there for him to talk to. I know you are going through it too, but he may feel added guilt because she is his mom. Hopefully everything will work out fine. I just can't see him investing all this time with you and the kids if he is planning on walking after the court case.
I think that your right, about investing time into our M and family. And then to just walk. But I don't know for sure that he is completely "sane" yet. I guess next week we'll find out!
He is so excited about doing things together this summer, that it leads me to believe or gets my hopes up... I know I am supposed to keep them at zero, but OMG it is hard when he is there doing things and being more loving each day!!!
wife of an addict M 39 H 39 D18 D 16 Together 19 M17
Well, things have gotten a bit scary around our house. Court is about 1 week to go. MIL is being VERY crazy. it is hard and we have to deal with it ... it is making H more drawn away b/c he doesn't like to talk about things and let alone talk about something like this...
H has been out of his Testostorne meds for about 1 week and boy can I tell, he is crabby and is making "bad" judgements regarding the family... Yes I know that it can be part of the MLC, but I asked him if he could tell he wasn't on the meds and he said yes... so that is probably what it is and I shouldn't get bent out of shape, but it is so hard! Just when you think you are making good progress, then things like this happen! Staying out late again, getting mad at me for stupid little things that are not my fault, but you know that he sees it this way!!!
how the heck to you do this? HS, suggested a book that she is reading 'POWER OF THE PRAYING WIFE'... I was thinking about getting it if it isn't too expensive. Anybody else read it?
wife of an addict M 39 H 39 D18 D 16 Together 19 M17
