ReConstruction Phase Six

[love_endures4ever]

LnL--a kick in the pants...hmmmm...smiling...thinking of other things....smiling some more...okay...gotta be serious, don't want to end up in jail now do I?

Hon--

Maybe you should journal what he is doing, the timing, etc. Or maybe you should just keep your mind on Cathy.

This I can do...keep myself on the curb and just SIT..nomore getting up to see if the rides done, when the rides going, if it's stopping. Just sit and watch and stay quiet and wait for H to get off and come get me.
The silent observer.

If you don't think the time is right, it is not.

I don't think NOW is the right time. Will wait a little longer to see how this plays out.

I was just talking to him not too long ago and the things he says! He asked me of SS had called last night I said no. Then H said did your H come home last night. I said nope don't know what happened to him. H says get used to it, I gotta get of the house, I can't take living with you (me) anymore.. I just said "I'm sorry you feel that way" But WTF...I'm the easiest person to live with and H is saying that? He's in another world, the man is living on another planet! If he's trying to push me, he's really pushing these last couple of days! I don't where he's digging this stuff out from anyway. It's like H saying I haven't changed at all when it's very clear that I have. aliens are back

Then he bounces back to a family issue about son's swimming lessons.

Cathy

[sting]

lefty,

Your h is trying to justify in his mind why he's leaving and that includes his spouting mouth saying you have a b$tchy attitude, why didn't you call him when he needed you, etc. Not that you could even have known the story. Don't take his crap and don't apologize that you hurt his feelings. He's out of control and he's looking to control you and turn you into what he'll use later and say is a dependent woman. Don't call him anymore during the day, it's really pursuing even though he says you didn't call. It's not that he wants you to call, he's using that as an excuse. I agree with you it's time to sit on the curb and just watch. Be respectful to him when he speaks to you, but don't go out of your way to please him. I hate to say this but as I've said not too long ago, he's really not as far along in his crisis as you may think considering he's bouncing all over and seems to have anger there. However, don't fixate on the stages too much because they're only a guide and when Hearts Blessing wrote her thread on the stages, it was before she filled in some missing pieces which she hasn't updated because she has moved on and is concentrating on her marriage, rightfully so.

Only you can decide what to do, but if you make no other decisions, please don't cater to his every whim.

[BoldNBeautiful]

Hi Cathy,

This is a difficult stage for you and also for me. I can foresee this will happen to my H id we move in together. We are due to move in end of this week, but I have given him the option to back out from the deal and has asked him to call the landlord himself but so far he hasnt. If we really move in our Hs will be twins.

I understand when you say now is not the time to give ultimatum yet. I know the feeling of just wanting to give up many many times. People around me also has asked me to just walk away, and he is not worth it. Somehow in my heart I know that I am not ready to do that yet and I am still holding on. There will come a time and place when we really cannot tolerate it anymore and just say enough is enough but maybe NOW is not the time yet.

Hang in there for a while more. I am too. This is the most difficult stage I can say. And maybe if in the end it is just not meant to be, we will be remembered by our children and maybe our Hs (eventually when his head is not too screw up) as the pillar of strength and patience.

Take care..

[freckles1]

((Cathy))

"When you are in doubt, be still, and wait.

When doubt no longer exists for you, then go
forward with courage.

So long as mists envelop you, be still. Be still
until sunlight pours through and dispels the
mists -- as it surely will. Then act with
courage."
White Eagle

The above has helped me a lot to focus on doing NOTHING when required!!

Hang in there girl, I'm thinking of you a lot and praying for you.

Hugs,
Mary

[love_endures4ever]

Thank you all for your kind thoughts and prayers.

When I got home for work last night H was here and had his boat with him. H had also picked S up from daycare, must have taken boat to work him straight from OW's. I really don't know, didn't ask.

H hadn't shaved in the two days that he's been gone, he looked awful. H is an A** and has been the last few days.

H was nice enough, but I just feel like H is going backwards for some reason, back into the tunnel maybe. Whatever.

H was in the bathroom, I was in bed, S was in our bed goofing around. At one point he said "mom watch this and he was just going fall backwards, I tried to stop him, but kids will be kids and he fell backwards and hit the head boat with his head. S immediately started crying, well of course, and H comes in and says what happened, did he hit his head on the headboard, I said yep. I mean what can you do he's 4 and things like this happen. S recovered very quickly and stopped crying.

H comes into the bed room and says "why did momma let you fal and get hurt! (the A** like it was my fault of course) but S came through for me. S said "no she didn't" then H said something else and S replied, I kept my mouth shut. S defended me and took the blame.

Then H was trying to set the alarm on his clock radio and at one point said "who's been messing with this" well duhhh H is the only one that "messes" with it. I just replied "nobody has been" He thinks little elves run around reeking havoc in his life. I'm sure it was my fault that his truck broke down, too.

I have a bit of an "attitude" right now, but just who does H think he is anyway. Really do wish H was out of my life right now, believe me I have been wondering if this is worth it H's attitude and anger are just too much some days.

Feeling like I could care less about H at this point, wish he wasn't here, he could care less about me. Thinking wouldn't it be nice to have an H who cared, somewho can give me the love that I deserve. This back and forth stuff IS hard, my life is constantly being disrupted by his little "poor me" attitude, his lack of moral strength, the OW thing, just everything.

The weather is great today, I'm off to a craft fair and maybe to hit some golf balls. S and I went to the driving range last night and S4 isn't too bad! H isout in his boat.

Cathy

Mary I like your post to me, for now I am just going to be still and be quiet.

Thanks BnB for stopping by, I think you are a very strong person for telling H it might not be time for him to move back and yes we will be twins, he will be going back and forth. Some days I wish H would go away for a month, to the mountains or wherever and figure things out for himsef.

[water_runs_dry]

Hi Cathy!

I hope you have a wonderful day... crafts and golf Awesome!

It appears the Mother Ship is not quite ready to release them as men and keeping them aliens for a while. They must have also installed the latest version of alien thoughts/actions as this seems to be coming through with a vengence. On many threads today it seems...

Keep your spirits up, focus on you, S and SS.

Blessings
Water

[love_endures4ever]

Good evening all,

Had a good day today. Arts and craft fair, sat at the local park for about hour just reading and then went to Target to purchase some things I needed. Got home H was working on his boat, S was sleeping.

Said hello to H, H said hi back. Asked him about some fishing lures he had in his boat and how he doesn't ever use them and he showed me what he should do to them to make the work better. H told me he went to his parent's house, they had some storm damage in town but nothing at his parents. H's good friend found out at he has postate cancer. This man has been to death's door once before and through one health problem after another and now he has prostate cancer. The man is 45, has had both hips replaced before he was 40, back problems and now this...for some reason I have a feeling he's going to pull through this too.

H said he stopped at our friends house while he was in town. P and D are going through marriage problems, D purchased a Harley the same day my H bought his bass boat, but they were out on the Harley. H hasn't stopped at their house in AGES.

Almost forgot, when I called H this morning he was out on the lake fishing. I said good morning, he said good morning back, his voice was dead, no emotion. I'm beginning to think this guy is depressed again or worse or whatever.

I've been really struggling these last few days, can't quite figure out what is keeping me stuck. For some reason I feel like I'm back at the beginning of this nightmare, can't shake the mood, it's like a heavy weight is on me, something is not letting me think clearly about things, I keep flashing back to last spring when this all started. I've been praying a lot today, putting the focus on me, trying to clear my mind of all the cobwebs, it helps, but then I regress again, like right now, just can't shake the thoughts that have been playing in my mind or this heaviness. I really believe that Satan is giving it is ALL right now! REALLY pushing to make this marriage fall apart. Today I was thinking that maybe H isn't the one I'm supposed to be with, that this marriage wasn't mean to be in the first place and it was just a huge mistake...see these are the kind of thoughts I've been having.

I was coming in from outside right behind H and what does he do he closes the door in my face...I ASSumed he knew I was right behind him and said something to him about it when I got in the house...how rude. This is the kind of crapp his pulls. Or maybe he's so absorbed that he doesn't realize it...nahh he doesn't do it to our S.

A few weeks ago H came home with a food container from OW, it was in H's lunchbox and he put in our refrigerator as there was still some pineapple in it. At first I didn't know what to do, then decided to mix the pineapple with cottage cheese and ate that, put the container in the dishwasher and stuck in the cupboard. I was thinking I'd put my name on it and let H return it to her I think it was one of the nights H was at OW's that I threw it in the recycling,covered it with something, too. Well this morning H asks me why I threw that "plastic container in the recycling" I said the lid didn't fit on it...H said "was it because it was from someone elses house!" I mean WTF--BUT as of right now it's still in the recycling....I don't want the darn thing.

One other thing, was wondering if H treats OW the way he treats me? I know it doesn't matter, but it would maybe give me some kind of sick comfort to know that he was just as rude/mean to her as he is to me. Or does he treat her differently, respect her and show concern, sympathy, compassion for her fears of H not returning to HER, of her being alone and not knowing how to handle things. Does he HUG her and KISS her the way he should his wife, does he treat her like he should treat a wife, someone he's married to? Just some rambling thoughts.

Good night.

Cathy

[holdingon]

{{{{{Cathy}}}}}

You are having some difficult thoughts. You remind me of someone I know Get out your Power of Now and help yourself to focus. Get out the Circle and think of your wish, your positive thoughts. Keep praying. Tell the Lord specifically what you want. STOP filling your head with the worst. Tomorrow is Sunday... is H home or moving out? Does your mood help or hurt your situation? What can you do to make tomorrow better than today?

[MovinOn]

Cathy,

From my very limited view, I can tell you my H treats ow in much the same way. He can ignore me, and I know he ignores her. Over the last 2 weeks, it has made her livid. It has not however made her leave.

Lightbulb went on earlier this morning. He has stated repeatedly that she will go away. By doing the ignoring, he is hoping she will. Instead he gets very carefully worded messages.
So does your H treat ow the same? I would imagine so. Especially since he gives you the responses about he doesn't care where/who he ends up with.

Seems to me they (yours and mine) do care. They just don't know how, don't have the strength or don't want to be responsible for the hurting, to end it with one of us.

Aliens!!! Wish I had an answer!

[love_endures4ever]

Hi Hon,

He is not moving out today, he never was. I have to remember when he says stuff like that, that he's spewing. In the back of my mind I knew this, but seemed I got sucked into the drama and feeling sorry for myself by believing him and making it true in my mind.

A few months ago H told me he was going to move out, actually he says this all the time, but this time he did tell me that "he would need to talk to OW first" which means he's not moving out to be with her, he's moving out period. H is thinking out loud, venting, spewing--an outswing perhaps trying to make himself feel better about his behaviour. IF he's moving out then in his mind it justifies the visits to OW. He also told me "I don't know where that relationship is going" which to me means he's not moving out to be OW either. H also said "I THINK I can be happy there" as part of the conversation.

Just how to keep this perspective when H pulls an allnighter.

And with H calling the other night from OW's I did wish that instead of just not showing H would let me know where he was..well look what happened. Be careful what you wish for.

I need to get back to the basics, get back to what I want/need in my life. Get centered again.

Tomorrow I'm at a golf outing all day. I'm taking the foursome shots which include our guest for the outing, a progolfer. I will be stationed on a hole with him all day and taking photos. This is something I wouldn't have been able to do a few years ago, it's a huge step out of my box, one I chose to do for ME.

Today H is fishing all day, he's in a fishing tournament the second weekend in July so he needs to "fish around" on the lake to find the hot spots. So I have the day to myself.

Does your mood help or hurt your situation?

Good question, it's NOT the best for the R that's for sure. I worked really hard to NOT let it affect it yesterday, didn't really talk to H a whole lot, minimal, yet our interactions were all good. He animatedly told me about a fishing pole floating in the the lake yesterday morning that he pulled into his boat and it had a fish on it to boot!!

Yesterday after the craft fair I DID NOT want to come home, I had my Power of Praying Woman with me so ducked into a park new our home and sat there until I could get myself grounded again. I just couldn't come here and H didn't call me once to see where I was yesterday, when I was going to be home, blah, left me alone.

Cathy