Enjoy your nice time together. I understand your feeling after being rejected few times, it discourages you to initiate again. But a man feels love again being intimate, while woman makes love after feeling close. Maybe provoke your H some times with some flirting. Of course there is risk of being rejected. It could hurt you.
My W enjoys a full body massage I offered, but she did not like having sex afterward. I am discouraged to offer her again. Until the infatuation dies down, it seems that my W can't accept intimacy with me. Why can't my W make a decision. She can leave and live with the om. Or she can stay and work on our R. Why can't she see that staying without letting go the om will only prolong the misery of all parties involved?
H did not contact me or the kids the entire 3 days he was gone. And, he came home acting very distant for a couple of days. So much for wishful thinking that we were drawing closer together.
I had a very uneasy day yesterday. H spent the entire day at home, but was in the garage for most of that. For several hours I would look out there, or poke my head to briefly talk to H, and all I could see was H sorting and cleaning. (Of course to me, that means that H is getting his stuff ready to move out). Come to find out, H had been searching for stuff to put up a light in the garage so that I would be able to see better when I work out on the BowFlex he got me last week.
I no more need another light out there than I need a hole in the head! Besides, I plan on moving it into the house when it starts to get colder out.
But, I didn't let H know any of that. He spent so much time putting the light up (rewiring, mounting supports.....) that I had nothing but good to say about it. H even moved the BowFlex to a different spot in the garage and then put a carpeted rug underneath it so it would me nicer for me. In different ways I tried my best to let H know how much I appreciated what he had done. I even made sure to take S15 out there to show him what his dad had done (after making sure H could hear the praises I was saying). Then, of course, I used it last night then came in and told him how nice it was to be able to see the directions I was reading, and how I felt the machine would really help me to build up my bad knee.
Our pastor called earlier in the week to see if we were still willing to set up for communion today. (Pastor was over the night H moved out, and then saw us in church together last week and was wondering what was up). I didn't commit until I had asked H, and H was willing, so we set stuff up last night. Then this morning we had to set more bread/juice out between services, then clean up after the last service. It was H and I doing it and things were very nice, relaxed and enjoyable. (I wish it would dawn on H that we work very well togother!)
Between services H had asked S15 and I if we wanted to go out for breakfast but son didn't want to,but I said I would like that. So, we ended up going home. We were all out of the car and almost in the house when H stopped and asked me if we should just leave son at home and he and I go out for breakfast....so we did. Unfortunately, the conversation wasn't the best....there was an undercurrent there, but it was still OK.
D22 is taking S15 back to her place for the night so it will be just H and I here. In a previous time, that would have been a wonderful, exciting time alone with just the two of us. I guess I can only hope for that again!!
Guessing what your H is going to do or not does not help. It can only lower your PMA. I know it is easy to say but very difficult to do. I had the same problem. I try not to ask what my W is planning to do until Dec.
IMHO, your H is still at home, don't speculate what he is going to do. Just act as if he is at home and lives happily. Guessing about negativities does not help your PMA. I am myself also thinking that may be my W is planning to move in with the om after he was thrown out from their house by the om's W. I can't stop her anyway. When she wants to go then she will go. I don't see what I can do. Why bother thinking about it.
I notices yesterday that the love messages between my W and the om last year that I stored in my other unused cellphone has been erased by my W. She must be very embarrased to know that I knew.
Wishing, It wasn't anything I did, it was H making the decision on his own. I still don't understand why, or what was the trigger. Learning how to be at peace with whatever he decides he needs to do is a big part of it. That got rid of a TON of the tension for me - I was creating it, not H, by trying to second-guess his actions and predict the future. I couldn't do either, and came to terms with that. I came to accept that I could cope on my own, and would be okay. Next, I went ahead and made some overtures - letting H know that I was open for him to return. Physical touch, kisses on the forehead as he sat at the bar. I remember one night when he did sleep in another room, I told him it was his bed, and his room, and I wasn't asking him to leave. You have to be ready for rejection, but someone has to make the first move.
Wow, H is really being considerate - I think you're really on a roll. You are in a good place, learning to let go of control - keep that going.
Don't stress too much about your H's moods. He probably still has a lot of conflicting thoughts banging around in his head. Probably having a hard time figuring out his own changing feelings. Or it may be a problem related to work or something totally unrelated to the R.
H and I spent many months in the situation you're in - it's a good thing. It's slow, but steady improvement. Your getting really great baby steps from H - it's easier to see from outside looking in. Just keep up your changes and let it continue to slowly get better each week.
Between having internet problems and my sitch going downhill I really haven't felt like posting much.
After having a tension-free several weeks, they returned big time last weekend. I have finally figured out what triggers the tensions.....when H is up front with me we get along well, but when he is hiding or plotting something, he becomes very cold and nasty.
Last weekend we were headed out of town at 7am and were running late. H and I were in the car and he asked if we could stop at a garage sale and look at a bedroom set. H already knew the address so he must have looked in the paper. H didn't say for sure what he wanted the set for and it was not one that I even wanted, but H seemed determined to get it, so we did. He didn't even make it clear to me where he wanted to put the bedroom set.
Then, last night H asked if we could get the bedroom set moved into the house. He then went up to our bedroom and started taking his stuff off the bookshelves so he could put the tall dresser there. That led to a R talk.
H told me he had got the furniture so he could take the dressers from his grandma that I was using and take them out to his place. What a slap in the face since those dressers were given to ME.
I told him I wouldn't help him if it meant he was now moving out for good. H told me that he wasn't leaving immediately but was just going to move a little bit out at a time. (I did notice that he had already moved some stuff out of his closet).
Basically I told him "no". I have had enough. If he is leaving, then LEAVE, now. Get it done and over with, but I was not going to watch him move out a little bit at a time.
However, it was crappy timing since I am in the middle of a heavy workload at school, our daughters are now off to college so I don't have their support, and S15 is struggling in school, and this wasn't going to help matters.
I then asked what was up during the trip when we took D18 to college. H was touching me during the day, and snuggling and feeling me at night. I told H that him moving back home after only being gone for 2 days, then asking to stay longer, not moving out, and then touching me during the trip, on top of the tension being gone, well, that had given me some hope. H said he was sorry for leading me on, but it meant nothing to him.
I did tell him that I felt it was more of the control monster coming out and I was tired of being controlled. For a change I told H what I wanted.....I either wanted him to move out NOW, or stay and try marriage counseling until Christmas. (I also said that I would like to have sex again before I forget what it is like). After several minutes of silence H said that what he wanted was to go downstairs, get a drink and watch a late show....so we did.
I still have no idea what is going on, but I am at point that I NEED to know. Those 2 days he was gone in Aug. were pure hell and at that time I was ready for it be done with. But when H came back home, and things seemed to be going well, I guess I took hope in that. To have it crushed again is just pure torture.
I understand fully what you are going through. I wish your H can make a decision one way or another. It is a torture for your if he is moving out slowly. I was in that situation before. I aske my W to move out ASAP once she has decided to move out and lives with the om. I am moving on with my life now.
Surprisingly I slept well in the last couple of days. No wake up during the night.
S is still very sad. That is what I worry the most. I am OK. Many friends called me and try to comfort me. Some of them came to my house yesterday. We talked and they pryed for me.
God has His own plan for me. Not the way I wished for. But maybe He has a better plan for me. Who knows?
Wishing, I think he's waiting for you to loose it and toss him out. That way he doesn't have to be the bad guy. This is probably not helping S in school much, with how quickly you can be preoccupied. I was just as dumbfounded about why my H decided to stay and you are about your h's lack of direction. That is probably the most difficult part - you cannot start healing anything, not your heart and not your marriage. I often think of you.
I fully expected H to be out of the house on Sunday. Instead, he asked if I would go to Menards with him and pick out new faucets for the kitchen and upstair's bathroom sinks. But first he went to the office for a couple of hours, then we watched the Notre Dame football game, then got the faucets, ate supper together and then put the faucets in. It was almost bedtime when we were done. All in all it was a nice day between us.
H continues to the little things for me and I really have a hard time understanding that. H is making sure the cars are OK, buying me a Bowflex, adding a light in the garage, putting in new faucets, unloading the dishwashe, drying dishes, helping with the bunnies, fixing me snacks at night.... I just don't understand. If he wants out so bad the door is open; this indecision is killing me.
Last night we went to a swim-team parent's meeting where H was running for a position on the board. I had told him during our talk Sat. night that he might want to have second thoughts about running since it was a 2 year committment, and if we end up D, then I was planning on moving. (I have made my intent to move with S15 very clear to H over the last 32 months). H was elected last night but I am not sure he was too happy about it.
The boxes H packed from his dresser are still in his closet but I fully expect him to move out shortly. I do wish he would get it done and over with. This whole ordeal has been 32 months for me now and frankly, I am tired of it.
I am not quite at a point where I am ready to actually tell H to get out, but I see that coming if he doesn't make the move first. I guess I am ready to start the healing process but am not ready to do the actually filing. Besides, I don't want to make H angry since he is still very agreeable to giving me a decent financial settlement and, unfortunately, I am very dependent on that.
Most days I do OK with the current sitch but am getting weary.
And, he came home acting very distant for a couple of days. So much for wishful thinking that we were drawing closer together. 
I guess I can only hope for that again!!