I really felt that H was trying to figure out how to move back together into our bedroom....but I guess I was wrong.
I woke up in the middle of the night and our bedroom light was still on (and H was not in there (I had been sleeping in another room). That scared me so I went looking and found him in the basement asleep in another room. I woke him.....and he said that he thougt I had gone to sleep in our bed (I haven't been there for 3 weeks now) so he went elsewhere.
I know....don't get the hopes up, but that is so hard after the way he was last weekend.
I wonder what happened.....when he left on a "business trip" on Monday night he was almost loving, but since he got back last night he has really turned cold. I didn't talk to him while he was gone....so I know it has nothing to do with anything I did.
Wishing, after being gone for a while, I felt compelled to check on you. My heart aches for you. But, you are showing your characteristic strength and resolve. Hang in there. The important thing is you, and your kids. Take care of you, and the rest will follow.
As for the lawyer, the same applies. Take care of you. It is not your R, it is business.
You said it yourself
Quote: H is on his own journey now and I am just watching from the sidelines.
. Let him go to take his own journey. If it does not return your direction, it will be okay. If it does, it will be okay. We have both watched this happen since we were drawn to this board.
My advice is to take it one step at a time, no expectations, no plans, and put yourself first. I will be praying for you.
And, remember, he moves very slowly, and is going through a phase that has happened before. My H went to the point of renting a place, and also told our S before telling me.
I'm sorry you are feeling down. But, I was wondering as I was reading your posts - do you think H was looking for a sign from you that you welcomed his advances? Do you think maybe he was testing the waters and thinks you were not interested? Just a feeling I got as I read your account of the last few days.
Maybe he was 'hoping' that you were back in your bedroom? Could he be feeling a little rejected?
I may be way off base, but it's something to think about. Any ideas to check this possibility out? Maybe it's time to make his very favorite meal and make a little fuss over him. That is, make an overture, but one that won't make you worry too much if you're mistaken. Or just jump his bones if you're braver than I am. I mean, he did feel you up right? - well, turnabout is fair play.
I agree which what In4Ride suggested, maybe you sleep in the marital bedroom. Your H may decide to be back. DO some nice things for him. And watch his reaction. Maybe you'll find his positive button.
In my sitch I know I need to fill my W's love account at the moment. I can't take any withdrawal (R talk) until the account is in good balance. I don't mind to get hurt sometimes by my W as it is part of the process in our journey to heal.
How about giving me some clues as to what you did to get H back? I have always felt that our H were alike in a lot of ways but I just chalked that up to the whole military experience. But, it was almost freaky when you mentioned that your H also spoke to son before you, and then did the whole renting apartment thing. Not to mention being very slow in making decisions.
Since H returned home 3 weeks ago I do seem to have a new sense of inner peace. I am sure it has something to do with H actually still being in our home but that is not all of it. For the couple days that H was moved out and I did not hear from him, I cried my eyes out but at the same time I felt a burden lifting from my heart.....and my heart still feels good. I think it was very much an acceptance that, no, I do not have a bit of control over H's actions, only my own.
Even though H has been home for 3 weeks now, I feel deep in my heart, that he will me moving out. And while that still hurts deeply I am not consumed with grief. As a matter of fact, I was in the garden this morning and H came out and said he was going to the office and to get a haircut and some other running around. Since he took the pickup I am 100% certain that the "other running around" is to move furniture into his trailer. And that is OK. H has to do what he has to do.
Things have been good between us the last few weeks, and if that is what I am left with, well, it is better than the tension.
See if you can believe this one. H called me in the middle of teaching class yesterday to say that he had stopped at a garage sale on his way to his trailer to check his mail. There was a Bowflex for sale and since he knew I had mentioned wanting one, he was wondering whether to buy it. I told H that I had wanted one and that S15 would probably really like it. H said he would not buy it unless it was something that I was going to use.....I told him I would so it was in our garage when I got home. How considerate and thoughtful was that???? And this from a guy who is planning on leaving????
And about the flirting....I have been working that in lately. I had worn a short skirt yesterday and still had it on when H came home. We were then out looking at the Bowflex and I was trying all the exercises...so of course the skirt got hiked quite high.. At one point I was trying the leg curls and H actually grabbed by ankles and was showing me where to put them. Things were great....but about that time SIL and a friend walked in....so it spoiled the mood. But yes, there has been some flirting going on on both sides and that has been nice.
There is just some stumbling block that H can't seem to get around and for the life of me I don't have a clue what it is.
I like the way you think, probably because you have some of the same thoughts I have.
I have been going over and over in my head what the "feeling up" incident in the motel meant....and to tell you the truth I can't figure it out. H had to be able to tell by my responses that I was very receptive, yet, when I tried to feel him he moved my hand away. That, in itself, shocked me.
My initital response to H not sleeping in our bed was because he thought I was there and didn't want to sleep with me. But, after reading responses to my post, I DO wonder if H didn't sleep there because he felt I didn't want him to sleep with me.
Once I woke him up that morning to see if everything was OK, and told him I had been sleeping in a different bed, then he made the bed he was in and went into the master bedroom. Since then, H has been going to bed about the same time I do, I am often times in our bedroom getting stuff for the next day when H is getting into bed. Even last night, H was standing in the door in his underwear as I was coming out of the bathroom. I don't know if those are clues that he is ready to share a bed again.....but I just don't feel that I can be the one to take the lead on this.
You are absolutely right about being scared. If I wasn't I would have jumped his bones a long time ago. As a matter of fact, I almost did jump him the morning before he told me he wanted a D. I even told him that as I was crying that night, but I was to emotional to have a clue what response he gave.
Kelli and In4Ride may be able to give you a good advice how to approach your H. As a man I will be very happy if my W make a move on me. But I am the one who still want our M. I am not sure how your H thinks. WAS probably thinks similar. So my W does not want to show anything intimate to me, not even caring gesture. It makes me easier to let my W go, when it is time to make decision.
It is hard to do any initiating when H has told me several times in the past that he does not welcome my touch.
I had a pretty good weekend...fairly tension-free and relaxed. We even went to a football game to watch S15 in the marching band. That was a nice time and so was the joking around about my not liking to wear pants but it was cold so I didn't have a choice.
H asked how I felt about going to church on Sunday and I told him I was planning on it....and he just shook his head OK. I was dressed for church when I took H his coffee...and lo and behold H dressed in matching colors. That could have been a fluke, but he wore a pair of pants he seldom wears so I do think he took notice of what I was wearing. In the past one of our customs was to wear kind-of coordinating clothes to functions.
H, S15 and I went out for a nice breakfast after church, all 3 of us cleaned our cars in the afternoon, then H went to the office for a few hours. H was very late getting home for supper but I had held supper and we had an enjoyable meal. (I really am trying to not let the whole time we eat meals be a control issue).
When I got into bed there was this weird metal noice. H had just come upstairs so I asked him to check it out. It turned out that a screw had come out of the bedframe. H joked and told me to hold down the activities in the bed. I just laughed and told him nothing had been going on.
As we were lifiting the bed up and moveing things around we were constantly touching arms and body parts....and I was in a lowcut short nighty so I know H got his eyes full. He was in a really good mood.....I was really hoping he would suggest I just sleep in our bed with him....but, instead, he fixed the bed. However, our interactions were light and fun.....and I take that as progress!
H left early this morning so was up when I left. I wished him a good trip and he said several times that the plan was for him to be home Wed. night so he would see me then.
At one point I was trying the leg curls and H actually grabbed by ankles and was showing me where to put them. Things were great....but about that time SIL and a friend walked in....so it spoiled the mood. But yes, there has been some flirting going on on both sides and that has been nice.
I just laughed and told him nothing had been going on.