Underdog suggested that I visit. I have read the book and attended his seminar by the same name.
First, I suggest that you finish the book and digest it a while before doing any in depth analysis of Elderedge's message. It's not as obvious or clear to many on the first read.
Second, I suggest you consider it not from an all-or-nothing perspective, but that he is merely pointing out that girls and boys (and thus, men and women) are different.
How many boys do you see holding tea parties? How many girls do you see playing army?
He is suggesting that God is reflected differently in men and women and perhaps the modern church and our society has emasculated men and their true nature....(WAH is aimed at men, obviously, but the same concept can be applied, albeit differently, to women as he touches upon in the book
I understand what he is saying about God's light manifests differently in men and women.
What is making me uncomfortable is that the behaviors he's describing as normal are ones that I've grown up being taught (and believing) are not normal and need to be changed. I read what he's saying and find myself telling my husband that I can not be a single parent. That there is something in me that is lacking...that I CAN'T be a father to my son. (And that part, is new to me...but mostly ok. I was raised to be a superwoman, but this is one thing I'm happy to not have to do. ) That there is something truly special about a boy getting the message from his father that he is a force to be reckoned with...a MAN. And that as a mother, I can't give my son the same message and have it mean as much.
But, I was a tomboy growing up. I climbed trees, played with boys. Hated barbie dolls. "You mean that all you do is sit around putting different outfits on them? And that's fun?? Sounds boring to me." WANTED to be a boy cause they got to play sports...I hung out with a group of boys and we all played cops and robbers. Although, thinking back on it...I WAS always the damsel in distress in our games. I was absolutely angry when my eldest older brother told me that I could not walk around without a shirt on...wearing only wonderwomen underwear...all because I wasn't a boy. I was 4 at the time. In my mind, boys got to have ALL the fun. They got to cuss and spit and climb trees...and NOT have to wear dresses. Yuck.
Don't worry, I grew up and now delight in doing girly things too.
Husband and I had a long talk over dinner last night. I touched on some of the things I mentioned in my previous post. He said, absolutely, this is what being male is about. And he lit up and opened up to me. Seemed delighted and comfortable to talk to me about this. He told me that it wasn't about hurting the other person...just being powerful and strong.
I have no need to prove that I'm powerful and strong. I just don't want to be told that I can't do something because I'm not a boy.
So part of my difficulty in accepting this...is that IF this is normal behaviors for boys/men...then I have misjudged my husband and am guilty of immasculating him. AND that if Husband and I have a son..they are going to be off doing things that I'm going to be left out of.
I'm just trying to get my mind wrapped around this.
I know men and women are different...but this different? Really??
Just tell me straight cause I really want to know.
I'll be happy to guide you through it. Be patient with me, because I don't get here often anymore and it'll be a little while before I can devote some time to this subject.
But I definitely want to, because "I get it" now. I certainly didn't on the first read-through, but after a second time through, plus hearing John present it in person...well, like I said, now I get it.
Yes, I think it does mean that the best thing for your son would be a dad... that you cannot and should not expect to be a mother and a father. And that, hopefully, the men will be out together, and you will not feel left out, you will feel honored that your H finds it important to do so. Besides, you and your D will want girly time, no? You would neither want nor expect your S to join you for a manicure or a facial, etc...
The book is about BEING a man... true to self, not what we think a man should be... and yes, we spend a lot of time emmasculating men, I've been guilty myself. But when the going gets tough, I want my boys to stand firm and fight, not high tail it and run... just as I wish my H would return and do.
It has nothing to do with what YOU can and cannot do as a woman, but everything to do with what a man needs and in his heart, wants.
Yes, this different, really...
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Actually, what holdingon said makes a TON of sense in the context of "Wild at Heart."
It is a book designed to allow a man to discover his heart, and that must be a VERY personal journey. Eldredge has other books designed for a broader audience, such as his latest, "Waking the Dead."
But let's focus on the message of Wild at Heart that is focused on men.
First, a man must find his heart by seeking a relationship with God. He must deal with the wounds of his past (we ALL have them, whether they are inflicted by a parent, sibling, teacher or friend...we have all been wounded in life). He must face his wound(s) and, with God's help, begin the heart-work necessary to heal.
A man should not seek validation from a woman. In other words, a man should not go to the woman to have his question (the question that EVERY man has - "do I have what it takes?") answered. He must find that answer in his walk with God. And then, he can go to the woman to OFFER his strength.
As for parenthood, the father has a particular role, just as the mother does. A mother is a nurturer (who do children run to when they are hurt?)...the father conveys to a child, whether girl or boy, that child's identity.
And that's done through the father investing his TIME with his children. With a girl, he is answering HER question ("do you see me? am I delightful?")...he notices her when she's playing dress-up, for instance. With a boy, he is answering HIS question ("do I have what it takes?")...he takes him on adventures like camping or fishing trips.
The point is, these questions are dealt with primarily by the father.
As for the H/W relationship, the ultimate goal is deep intimacy. The man has to fight for the woman...DAILY. Show her that she is DELIGHTFUL to him (remember every girl's question?). Offer her his strength, which he gets by fulfilling his need for adventure and taking up daily his battle against the enemy and all that the enemy brings against him and his family.
Much, much more to this...but hopefully, some of these thoughts on the Wild at Heart ministry will serve to clarify some things for you.
More later...meanwhile, let me know how it's going and what you think.
) That there is something truly special about a boy getting the message from his father that he is a force to be reckoned with...a MAN. And that as a mother, I can't give my son the same message and have it mean as much.
I was absolutely angry when my eldest older brother told me that I could not walk around without a shirt on...wearing only wonderwomen underwear...all because I wasn't a boy. I was 4 at the time. In my mind, boys got to have ALL the fun. 
They got to cuss and spit and climb trees...and NOT have to wear dresses. 
Seemed delighted and comfortable to talk to me about this. He told me that it wasn't about hurting the other person...just being powerful and strong.
