Well, Bruce the great white shark has been doing pretty well staying fish sober (not eating her fish friend, Mr. Wonderful), abstaining from any crazymaking attempts and losing weight by eating more healthy and continuing to exercise.
As we used to say in Weight Watchers, I hope you see less of me next time you see me! It's been nearly 3 weeks since I started my new eating regimen, and I'm happy to report that I'm down almost 13 lbs. Everything seems better now.
The previous episode of the shark soap opera left off with me scheduling a MC appointment again and informing Mr. Wonderful of the plans--as well as invite him to attend with me. After his initial shock, he said he would probably skip the first appointment but go to the following one.
Although I'm hopeful that it will signal the beginning of a new chapter for us, there is still lingering doubt on my part. I didn't tell him this, but if he's not going to commit 100% to the reconciliation process, I'm going to ask our MC to counsel me out of our M. I won't put the cart before the horse, but I'm a pretty pragmatic person. I WILL get something for my investment, and the result will be that I'm in a better place, regardless.
So here's the ocean journaling for the morning...
Mr. Wonderful hung out at the house last night far longer than he has in the past. He was helping D10 with her math homework, but he appeared as though he had something on his mind. I left it alone and went about making myself dinner, which was a modified version of french dip and it was really good.
I sat down at the dinner table and he walked over to me and commented, "Wow, that looks really good!" Well, it WAS good, but I'm sure I would have enjoyed the quarter pounder with cheese that he had a little more...
He was staring at me and my food, which made me a little uncomfortable. After a minute I asked him, "Are you thinking about joining Slim4Life?"
MW: "Yes. How much has L (my colleague) lost?"
Me: "He's down 30 and has 3 left to goal. He looks really good."
MW: "And you're down 12.5? Good job, BTW."
Me: "Yes, thanks."
MW: "Maybe sometime you could show me what's on the food list?"
Me: Getting up to get it. "Sure, take a look. Oh, Mr. W., L said the hardest part for him and his W was giving up the beer and wine. Where I have the issues with dessert, he has been really missing his happy hour."
MW: "Well, I'm going to have to do something, because D10 says my gut is getting big, and she's right. I don't want to have it anymore."
And that ended that convo. I commented later that D (my boss) had told me they were going to dinner tomorrow night (which is now tonight) and he smiled and verified this. I didn't tell him that D had been pacing outside of my office a few minutes before the end of the day...
I finally asked D what he wanted to say? He told me that he was a little nervous about what might transpire in any convos with Mr. W. I smiled and spoke up:
Me: "D, please go and enjoy yourself. Are you worried he might tell you something in confidence and you might feel obligated to tell me?"
D: Never coming out and saying yes.... "Well, I don't want to be the person who knows more about his intentions than you. You know I love you best and feel protective of you and the girls...."
Me: Smiling... "Yes, I know this. But D, I am truly content to be on my path, whereever this leads me. Please don't put pressure on yourself that isn't there. I won't ask you what was discussed at dinner, because I really don't want to know. Just enjoy yourself.... for once, someone is treating YOU to dinner!"
D: Grinning ear to ear. "That is a switch. And sweetie, I know you're okay. Talk to you tomorrow."
Seems as though all my loved ones are nervous about the landing module returning to earth. That includes me!
Karen, I'm a fast typist and manage to get my work done in between posting. I was on about a half hour yesterday, though I did have a chat with Triple J before I left the office...
GD, I love hearing your insights. You will definitely be in my constant thoughts and prayers next week. No matter what happens, you're a winner. Just ask anyone here or your D!
And to all who are wondering, I had a nice verbal chat with Meredith last night. She's doing okay and says hello to friends here. Please keep her and her family in your prayers.
On that note, have a B-E-A-UTIFUL day!!!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
I like the new title. Let's hope more new good things come with new threads.
Quote: Although I'm hopeful that it will signal the beginning of a new chapter for us, there is still lingering doubt on my part. I didn't tell him this, but if he's not going to commit 100% to the reconciliation process, I'm going to ask our MC to counsel me out of our M.
Hmm. This is just me talking out of the side of my neck maybe, but this sounds like boundaries, limits, controls. What if he only gives 90%? Is that not enough? What if he misses a couple sessions but seems really serious about working on the M? Where do you draw the line with this sort of thing? Have you set goals? Might you not need to be honest w/ Mr. W about this at some point, maybe say several sessions down the road? This raises a lot of questions for me.
I've found that while words are wonderful, Husband at one point told me that if he moved back in with me, we would make this work, no matter what.
But the reality was that as time went by...as I showed him tha he was safe with me. That our house was a happy home...his committment became stronger and stronger.
He said something recently that let me know that if he's not 100% he's pretty darn close.
He said, "No, we can't buy that...we have a house to save up for."
So...what I'm trying to say, is the committment will grow..don't expect to get 100% before you move in and he sees that he can be safe with you.
It's been nearly 3 weeks since I started my new eating regimen, and I'm happy to report that I'm down almost 13 lbs. Everything seems better now.
