hi there - just checking in to see how you are. it is good that W is acknowledging your changes. try to ignore the 'i might still move out' at least for now. it is so important to keep your PMA up, so build on every baby step that comes your way. keep us updated, moral support is vital during this time lots of hugs, slowly
Had another counseling session last night. I think one of our obstacles is the "court room circular arguments" that couples sometimes get into; you know, the ones that go “you did this”, then “ I did that because you did that” and so on. Once the self-defense mechanisms kick in, no meaningful conversation takes place and neither person is interested in the constructive conversation or listening to the other. I am finally starting to sense some consideration by the wife that this can be salvaged. She agreed to the counseling earlier to see if this was possible and now we are in the fifth week of it and will return next week.
Most problems deal with my small habits that need to be broken. I have identified some of them myself (that I must have inherited from my parents) but I need confirmation from her on what needs to be changed. Breaking habits are hard to do but I don't smoke, drink or abuse drugs so the chemical dependency isn't a problem. If that's all that keeps us apart, then why is she seeking a divorce? One of the things that is difficult to understand is that my wife indicates that she wants me to understand what she wants without having to tell me all the time. Well, unfortunately, most of us cannot read minds. I wish I could. I was watching that Mel Gibson movie called “What Women Want” and I wish I had that ability for a week.
I think the part of the books that Michele discusses about changing yourself is going to be very true. I am upbeat now (and always try to be that way) and actually think this can be turned around. I do not believe in divorce from a religious standpoint or a practical standpoint. I think my spouse doesn’t really either but perhaps really needed to get my attention and this method was the way to do it? Now if we can just have some open and honest discussion without the blame game. Stay tuned.
