Let's Create Some Mystery.........

[Laurie]

This is a great thread, so I hope all of you keep it going! I am using it to refer callers too - so again, many thanks!

If you're disappointed because you are not seeing results, please - please - please read "Why Nothing Changes" (p. 146) from DR!!! Reading that will greatly assist you with your changes!!

[Tom_Servo]

Aw man, W threw out my copy of DR months ago, now I gotta go buy it again!

[odga]

Great Thread - Glad I found it - lots of good ideas.

[odga]

Finally got my copy of DR back from a friend and looked at the section on Why Nothing Changes - I believe in my sitch there are two reasions I feel that nothing is changing -
1. You haven't given a method sufficient time to work before trying something else - This is where I need to really be patient and

2. You're overlooking the small signs of change This is where I need to review my journal and take note of the small changes (and there are some) after all - in the Shawshank Redemption it took years to get through that wall with his small hammer.

Thanks Laurie for pointing me in this direction.

[Flyer2000]

This is a great thread.....

Just like to mension my affects, I am not sure if this was a good sign or not. hope you all can share some light....

I went out about three time for the past couple of months.
First time I just wanted to get out b/c I am always home and never went out. So i just told w that I was going out for a few hours she jumped up and wanted to know where I was going, I just replied going to the mall and get some air. she was still demanding and when I still repeated the same answer she just got upset and said " I dont care who you are going with!!!" and slam the door.

second time I went out longer and drove aroung and went to a coffee shop and stayed their for a while just watching how the younger generation was doing and how it brought back memories. When I got home she was all over me and said I always tell you where I am going (yeah right, if she really goes their), she just got out bed and sleep on the coach. The next day she did not say a word about it....

Third time I went out again and went to a sports bar by myself and when I got home she blasted me and wanted to know where I was.... She was so upset she accused me that I was wil OW (WHAT!!) I did not argue that fact, I only said I was at a sports bar and she did not belive me. She got really mad and said she want out and a divorce in 6months...
The next day she did not say anything about that night or about get a divorce???? She just said lets go and get some thing she wanted to organize the house... I hope someone can share some light on that.....

I dont know if these are good sign but I hope some one can give their opinion, I feel that was a being mysterious.
Flyer

[Trying_To_Save_It]

It's sounding pretty good. Sounds like she still wants you very much. I would be cautious on going out yourself too much. Just because something works, doesn't necessarily mean to increase the behavior. But I would keep it up here and there. Hopefully it will lead to her initiating a R talk.

[Flyer2000]

i felt that too but if she still wants me why would she still tell the OM how much she loves him....
This is very confusing to me.
Flyer

[Laurie]

Tom...Good news...DR is in paperback! (By the way, so is 'Sex-Starved Marriage)

[odga]

Laurie - thanks for the news about DR and Sex Starved in paperback - I have a friend that needs a copy (since I got mine back from him)

Also folks - lets come up with some ideas on mystery - I started going to the gym 3 to 4 days a week - altho my ex knows that I go, she also knows that a lot of single women also go to the gym only to meet eligable mates. Even though she knows that I am only going to work out and work on me and I am not going to meet other women, the possibility that someone might hit on me can create some mystery.

I also started flying lessons again - not much chance of meeting lots of women there but my instructor is female. Regular meetings with another female (even for a legitimate reason) does kinda ring the jeolousy bell a little.

Was thinking of other activities to do by myself that are innocent but that do have a chance of meeting someone, (like maybe going back to church by myself on a regular basis, starting some class activity of some kind, etc.)

Any Ideas - we don't want to actually go to singles bars and all but .... Let's put our collective minds together and come up with some good ideas on "WORKING ON ME" activites.

[Jamesjohn]

Great thread! Needin' a bump!!!