stop being obtuse LH, it doesn't suit you and you're much smarter than that. So am I.
As a farm boy I would normally have to get out a dictionary but luckily I saw Shawshank. Thanks Andy Dufresne.
T
M57 (53@BD) XW55 (50@BD) S24 (20@BD) S22 (19@BD) Married 25 (22@BD) Together 28 BD 9/29/19 (moved out unannounced while I was on fishing trip) W filed 10/19/20 (Informed me via text) D final 11/10/22
No, there is only separated. He is a legally married man, who is separated from his wife and not divorced yet.
I'm with you on the "still married" thing, but also separated two weeks with tons of mixed emotions is a lot different than separated 10 years and not D'd just because insurance / finances are more favorable. There's a middle point in there.
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I don't disagree BL but whatever the reason for not being divorced, the person has not moved on from their ex spouse. It may be ok in the short term but the odds of complications in the long term are high. Based on what G said she is looking for in a partner, this should be a big red flag in my opinion. Also, based on what I have seen in the past on her thread I don't think it is a simple 'investment of time to see where this goes'. There will be an emotional investment and consequences if this thing does not work out.
Originally Posted by kml
I dated within a few months of my ex leaving.
I am curious if any of these turned into a long term meaningful relationship? If yes, why and how did it eventually end?
On the discussion about statistics, I want to ask a simple question. If you walk into a grocery and notice a carton of milk that is past it's expiry date, would you purchase it or try to find another one that has not expired yet? If you notice the milk is expired after you bring the carton home, then you may choose to still use it since it is very likely the milk is still good and you have invested time, money and effort in bringing it home. You will however scrutinize the milk a little more than you would otherwise. Why? Because statistically the odds of the milk being bad are higher once it is past the expiry date. The risk is higher not just in having to throw the milk but also falling sick by consuming milk you think is good but is not in reality.
How does this apply to G's situation here? Being separated and not divorced is a huge red flag based on G's relationship goals for a long term stable partner. Even if the guy is over his ex, he may only be dating G on the rebound and not ready for an LTR. The earlier she notices these red flags and acts on them, the better her odds of making a good choice are. The more dates she goes on with this guy, the more things she will likely need to overlook because she has already invested in the relationship.
This is one reason why statistics are important in decision making. Yes, you can always beat the odds but odds are you won't beat them as often as you think.
The more dates she goes on with this guy, the more things she will likely need to overlook because she has already invested in the relationship.
Reminds me of the example of the Texan where more red flags surfaced later in the relationship but were ignored because a lot was invested in the relationship by then
Originally Posted by kml I dated within a few months of my ex leaving.
I am curious if any of these turned into a long term meaningful relationship? If yes, why and how did it eventually end?
The first guy I dated, I dated for about a year. It ended when his high school first love found him, and they are still dating ten years later. He and I have remained very good friends. If I hadn't had to compete against the nostalgia for the first love, we might still be dating - although more likely I would have eventually felt I wasn't getting enough out of the relationship. But he still ranks as one of the most compatible (mentally, emotionally, and physically) guys I dated since my divorce and I love him to pieces as a friend.
Since then I've had a 5 year relationship (ended when his crazy mental illness and duplicity came to the fore) and a 3 1/2 year relationship (ended with his cancer death). Scattered more casual relationships in between.
And yes, the only one that I didn't meet online was Mr Big Lots who picked me up while shopping, we dated only maybe a dozen times before I got tired of his Love Avoidant ways.
G - in his favor so far, he scheduled a date in advance, made the effort to schedule it before he's gonna be out of town, and I like the forehead kiss. I think every man who ever kissed me on the forehead had a kind heart.
Do sit back and gather a lot more data though before you jump in with both feet. And don't ignore any red flags.
Originally Posted by kml I dated within a few months of my ex leaving.
I am curious if any of these turned into a long term meaningful relationship? If yes, why and how did it eventually end?
The first guy I dated, I dated for about a year. It ended when his high school first love found him, and they are still dating ten years later. He and I have remained very good friends. If I hadn't had to compete against the nostalgia for the first love, we might still be dating - although more likely I would have eventually felt I wasn't getting enough out of the relationship. But he still ranks as one of the most compatible (mentally, emotionally, and physically) guys I dated since my divorce and I love him to pieces as a friend.
Since then I've had a 5 year relationship (ended when his crazy mental illness and duplicity came to the fore) and a 3 1/2 year relationship (ended with his cancer death). Scattered more casual relationships in between.
And yes, the only one that I didn't meet online was Mr Big Lots who picked me up while shopping, we dated only maybe a dozen times before I got tired of his Love Avoidant ways.
Just woke up from a nap. Being at the dentist for 3 hours knocked me off.
Well. I’m lost on the commentary with the Texan on what I over looked and invested. I didn’t overlook anything. I saw what I saw and when it wasn’t working for me I ended it. No investment. No heartache. I did what I needed to do when I needed to. I wasn’t invested.
I known probability isn’t on my side. I have many many situations and occurrences that went against the odds that weren’t in my favor. Relationship wise and not relationship wise. I’m leeway sure the stats on my ex getting married to his AP and staying married for 11 years was slim to none. I just know that in the end I don’t know how much the stats matter.
This guy does have green flags. He does know how to make a date. He chose the place , made a reservation, everything . Was very kind to wait staff . He has a fantastic relationship with his family. Gainfully employed. He’s a dog lover like me . He has no kids because he can’t have them but he loves his nieces and nephews. He has friends. He plays hockey a few times a week, goes to the gym often. Stays in shape and stays healthy.
I feel given all of that I would be an idiot to just walk away. So I’m going to just play it by ear . Play it cool too
I’m lost on the commentary with the Texan on what I over looked and invested. I didn’t overlook anything. I saw what I saw and when it wasn’t working for me I ended it.
I felt there were many red flags that you overlooked and it had stopped working a lot earlier than you saw it and ended it. Just my opinion…
