I just quickly went through the index and saw some names I recognize - it's good to see you all here. My R is heading in a more positive direction so I thought I would start a thread here. Here is a quick rundown on my sitch: Married 7 yrs, 2 kids, W had EA from 12/02 to 4/03, ILYBNILWY back in January and Feb, dropped bomb about OM in Mar., stopped A in Apr., things went well in May, I screwed up in early June, was in limbo until the first of August, then started heading in a positive direction.
Nothing really to post, just wanted to start the thread while I had a minute. Hope everyone has a nice weekend.
Had a nice weekend. Each day W and I seem to get closer and closer. We actually hold hands on a regular basis these days - and she has started initiating some of the contact!
She is still struggling with the events and consequences of her A, but each time a sitch comes up, we talk through it and I reinforce how committed I am to her - and it really helps her get through it. I can really feel the apprecation from her.
I just moved my office and wanted to check and see if our internet access was working - so I thought I check here first. I'm still unpacking and will try to make my way to some of your threads soon.
I am so happy to hear that things are continuing to go well with you. Keep us posted when you have time.
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
I figured I'd see you here some day. Keep up the good work, things seem to be running so smoothly for you right now. You are very fortunate that this happened relatively quickly for you, but don't let that fact cause you to ease up any and fall into old habits. Keep us posted.
A dream it's true
But I'd see it through
If I could be
Wasting my time with you
-Band:Phish Song:Waste
Man it sure made me feel good to see messages from "old" friends - you guys are great and I appreciate you checking in on me.
Rob - I'm checking in on you as much as I can - I'm confident I'll see you in this forum soon!
jorge and mockers - send me links to your latest threads so that I can enter them into my favorites list.
Just a quick update: W has been wanting to change the setting of her wedding ring and the 5 yr anniv band that I had given her (she wears more silver colored jewelery now and the rings are set in gold) She met with a jeweler friend today and then called me and went through what she wanted to do. After she was done, she asked if it would be okay since I had given them to her - she didn't want to hurt my feelings by changing them if it would bother me. I told her that I had given those to her as symbols of my love and that exactly what they looked like didn't matter to me - they were hers to wear/display however she wanted. She then said it might be a little expensive and before she could tell me the price I said that cost was not a factor - I wanted her to be happy to wear them and be comfortable wearing them whenever she wanted. I could feel the appreciation in her voice when she said thank you.
I tell you this b/c this is a simple example of a 180 for both of us - and an example of how the DB/DR theories work (even if you know nothing about them). This time last year, she probably would have gone ahead and done what she wanted without even asking me what I thought. That would have lead into a fight and more resentment on both of our parts. Now, we both approached the situation with the others thoughts in mind and we both feel great about the resolution to the issue and how we involved each other to get there.
Like I've said before, this is a way of life and once you grasp that concept, you're well on your way to a successful relationship - first with yourself, then with your spouse or SO.
Quote: This time last year, she probably would have gone ahead and done what she wanted without even asking me what I thought. That would have lead into a fight and more resentment on both of our parts.
What will you do when at some point in the future she does do something without asking you that annoys you? And you know it will happen eventually. How will you handle it with your new solution oriented way of being? How will she react when you do something that upsets her? I'm not trying to be negative...just putting some thoughts out there. How will you keep the positivity going?
A dream it's true
But I'd see it through
If I could be
Wasting my time with you
-Band:Phish Song:Waste
Very good point. We've actually had a few small issues along those lines that we have talked through well. The thing that I've noticed that we both do (and I'm able to recognize alot better now) is minimizing our attacking of each other. We talk about the issue at hand and we don't bring old issues into the mix that could lead to an argument.
Of course I've got no idea exactly how we are going to handle future sitch's, but I sure feel alot better about the tools that I have now when those sitch's arise.
Thanks for the input - and I definitely didn't take it as negative. I think its good to have those kinds of things to think about, b/c, you're right, its not always going to be positive.
