Hi all ,not been on here for a while needed a break from this madness lol ,haven’t really got a lot to update really ,see W every now and again I don’t contact her in any way ,I need to do that for me .
Last time she was here the expression on her face told me something was up ,another bd ,sure was,she sat there woe is me ,I can’t stay in a shared house for ever well have to sell the house ,errr no ,not happening ,well long story short I’ve decided to give her some of the equity from the house I’ll go and remortgage ,but I did try to explain that it’s not a good idea to burn all your bridges in one hit ,bad choices =consequences ,whether it got through to her I have no idea but that’s on her not me ,
To be fair I think I’m being quite accommodating,I don’t have to give her nothing from the house unless she wants to go and get a divorce and that’s on her not me ,not my circus ,not my monkeys .
were 15 months into this since BD ,I’m still cycling ,not as bad now I try and figure it out as to why, if I can get through all the white noise ,sometimes works ,sometimes doesn’t but I’ll get there .
So where’s the mlcer at ,well we don’t have any more spewing ,I guess she’s reached her objective there ,as in spew and project to break the marriage down ,objective achieved ,replay ,yeah were still in there ,any growth within her ,I don’t know I don’t see her often enough to draw a conclusion on that one ,but I don’t think any inward looking work is happening yet ,she stil has the habit of coming to the house when I’m at work ,well that’s going to change because I give her some money I’ll be changing the lock ,that’s a consequence of your actions I’m afraid you reap what you sow,and it’s not only that why should I let her come in when I’m out ,snooping at I don’t know what ,taking I don’t know what ,well I’ll. put a big boundary on that one .
It is strange because when this started and you were destroyed by the mlcer at bd ,you think you’re never going to through this but as it goes on time passes it does get easier ,the operative word again TIME,but it’s true it does,yes I still love her,yes I’d like to think that someday we could reconcile ,but ,I have come to terms with the fact it might not happen and that ,I think is a big step toward healing a sort of acceptance as such ,but, it it what it is unfortunately and all the denying in the world is not going to alter the fact it’s happening so you might as well accept it and carry on .
Well ,that’s it for now nothing else to report ,I hope your all doing ok ,walking your road back to wholeness ,it is a long hard road but worth doing in the long run ,for yourself ,because no one can fix you but you .stay strong my friends .R678
Last edited by job; 08/14/1906:29 PM. Reason: added space between paragraphs
Nothing to report on the mlc front ,no contact as usual ,I sometimes think oh what’s the point if it’s done it’s done . I read some of the posts and see the mlcer treating the lbs like rubbish ,why allow yourself to be mistreated like this ,if they want out then go ,leave to do your worst ,nobody should be disrespected like some of them do ,i know we still love them but I just think sometimes it’s like trying to hold the sea back, not going to happen . I know it hurts ,the pain ,the feelings that keep on flowing from us to them but for what, there’s no reasoning with them ,they’ve gone and got into another relationship with someone ,where’s the self respect ,it’s buried because you so badly want the relationship to come back together but as we’ve been told on numerous occasions it’s a long old process so it’s not going to happen anytime soon so why prolong the trauma ,why allow yourself to be treated as something that they’ve just stepped in ,don’t get me wrong I was the same for a long time fearing the fear of wha5 could happen but for why ,it’s already happened they’ve told and shown you that you don’t matter to them anymore ,your nothing but white noise now . They’ve blown their lives up so now what do they want to do ,they want to do the same to you ,to hurt you,to inflict as much pain as possible to blame you for all that’s wrong in their lives ,don’t fall for it ,it’s their problem ,their issues not yours ,just work on yourself,and if they keep threatening to leave then don’t bother threatening just do it ,go ,leave to fall on your face and it will happen because they all think their all sooo rational and right but we know the truth ,they don’t ,so that’s on them not us .don’t get me wrong yes I love my W but what can I do ,nothing, but work on me ,look at it that’s it’s already lost for now ,let them go but keep your self respect that’s something they can’t take away from you .
You are correct. No one can take your self respect. We give it away. We can take it back. People will treat you however you let them.
Excellent view on the counter-intuitiveness of all this, how at first it just feels like the wrong thing to do. As the fog dissipates things get clearer and clearer.
And the fear - that’s it!
Originally Posted by R678
...long time fearing the fear of what could happen but for why ,it’s already happened...
It’s wonderful when we understand and feel this. You survived something you feared; it’s very freeing.
It’s really nice to see where you are, how your doing, and read your wisdom. Keep moving forward, you’re doing great.
DnJ
Last edited by DnJ; 08/25/1902:06 PM.
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
