Since mine is only a year old I remember it like it was yesterday. Memorial Day 2017 we were at our gym watching the kids swim. I could tell she had been off for several weeks but I thought it was just married life and since we had never spoken about D before or really had any huge fights for that matter I had no clue.
We were sitting there in the lawn chairs talking about something and she just looked at me, told me she was done, and wanted a Divorce. I think I was in a state of shock. I remember asking her if she wanted to go to therapy and she said no it wouldn't do any good. I think I got like 3 hours of sleep that night the most, she immediately went and slept in the spare bedroom herself and then she flip flopped a couple of times before finally moving out of the house.
At first she wanted to stay in the house until the summer was over with. I remember she called me one day saying she had been out looking at apartments. I told her if that is what she wanted to do then go ahead and sign the lease because I could not go on living together for 3 more months knowing that I was Walking The Green Mile.
She did cry quite a bit, was emotional, etc. but as soon as she moved out and got into her apartment her attitude changed quite a bit.
Anyway soccer today, date with the DR tonight. I have not seen her since Sunday so it will be nice to spend some time together. Last night while we were talking she mentioned our kids meeting in the future and hoping they would get along. It does seem that we are both on the same page, not wanting to rush things, scared, afraid of being vulnerable and both finding someone that we don't have a reason yet to disqualify. So it does feel that we are very much on the same page with neither one of us putting pressure on the other.
Just like many of you - I doubt if i will ever forget BD. I don't remember the exact date anymore, but it was in early May. Probably around the same time as you J if I remember correctly.
Came home from work, made dinner and we had a great evening. And then kids were put to bed and dishes done and exW sat me down at the dinner table and told me that she wanted a separation. It hit me like Whoaaaaa!! What a whirlwind of an evening, and the next weeks that followed. It all kinda became a blur. I do also remember the exact conversations I had with her about trying to make it work. The last one was in October 2017 - she had long moved out and I was just waiting for our house that we had purchased a year ago to be possessed by the new owners by the end of that month. I had gone over to her place and sat in her small backyard and had a glass of wine and poured my heart out and said I was willing to put in the work. Her exact words - this separation is permanent. I had been DBing by then and I told her straight up that I was taking her words exactly as she was saying them - no subtext, no reading between the lines. She said she was done - no second chance, no nothing.
I walked out of her place that day and didn't look back. I sometimes still wonder if I had done something differently, maybe we would've had a chance. But I know it's all futile thinking and the ball was in her court and she didn't blink.
I know that I did everything I could and so I have zero regrets. I have carried myself with dignity and self-respect.
"People who make emotional decisions undoubtedly suffer the consequences in the future"
Now Saban is a coach I can definitely appreciate.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
The Dr and I had fun last night. We were with each other from about 4 yesterday afternoon until about 10 am this morning. We will see each other again on Tues. No major developments....just hangng out, hooking and having fun. Her longest post D relationship has been 3 months so we are coming up on a record for her. It is actually really nice that both of us are on the same page, not pushing each other and just letting things develop. Her D was final in Sept of 2017, mine April 2018 so our timelines are very much alike. I am learning that with post D relationships to be successful there is much more involved than just compatibility so I can see why post D is so hard. Well maybe not dating but entering into a R with so many other things to consider and at stake. As mentioned in JU thread and earlier in mine I might have hit it off quicker with other ladies but since we were not on the same page nothing developed.
Sounds like you guys are really enjoying ea bothers company. Which is good and what you should be doing at the 3 month mark. Really, there is no rush. M and I weren’t this cosmic connection when we met. I’ve had those, but nothing else was ever aligned and really, those are a bunch of BS when life gets real. And yup, much more is at stake and involved having an R with kids post divorce .
Enjoy it, don’t rush it. You guys actually do get to see each other often. And yup, 2 times a week is often with all the variables. M and I can go over a week. Twice a week are good weeks for us. Your pace is good, just go with the flow
I hear ya G....I would say that there is sexual chemistry but the emotional connection is not off the charts however our lifestyles are very similar. The weeks that I have my girls I only get to see her once. On my off weeks I usually get to see her twice. Our weekend are currently aligned so that has cut into some of our time as well. The saving grace is that she only lives 3 miles away which makes seeing her much easier.
J9, what kind of events do y'all do on the weeks when you have your kids? I'm getting to a point where I need to figure this out for myself, since I have my kids for a week at a time. It's looking like I'd have to just do an early dinner one night, but I don't think that'd be enough if I got serious about someone.
And my BD, yep I still remember that vividly. There are actually 3 of them in my mind. BD1 was when I got fooled into attending an IC session with her, when she blurted out "I've been thinking about leaving". BD2 was a few months later, the day she told me she wanted a D. I had to force the words out of her because she was too chickensh!t to say it. And BD3 was about a week later, when we told the kids and she played the role of ice queen who made the kids brownies afterwards. BD3 was the worst, as I didn't want my kids to have to suffer, and there was nothing I could do to stop it from happening.
Me-47,XW-43 S13,S16 M:18 BD:4-23-17 W filed:7-17-17 (5 months of in-house separation hell) W moved out:1-6-18 D granted:2-15-18 Decree signed:3-29-18
H....her mom lives in town so her kid will spend the night with her and mine will go to a mutual family friends and spend the night. I have also hired a sister as well but usually we just go out to dinner and back to her house for a sleep over.
