He sounds like he is now at the stage whereby burning the candle at both ends may have ended if he's saying he's old. Depression will make you feel old, tired and sad. Maybe he doesn't realize he's depressed, but he sure sounds like it.
Whatever you decide to do, we will support you. You've definitely got a passive-aggressive man who still hasn't moved too far and is stuck in the mud and can't seem to get himself back on firmer ground.
As for sending your son 3 texts, I could be wrong, but he's afraid that all contact will be cut off after the talk over the weekend. He is still holding on by a thread to his pre-crisis life.
I wish I could offer you more advice, but you know him better than we do. Hang in there!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you. I know that for the most part these perceptions are merely speculation, but as pertains to where OD is right now, I think the following are pretty accurate:
1. He is overtly depressed, very tired and highly mood reactive; 2. He is cycling between coming forward and pulling away; 3. He is completely unwilling/unable to look at any of his actions or what transpired in the past or try to make amends or resolve his internal conflicts about any of it; 4. He is still with OW2 and still drinking (again something he began at age 48, never having consumed any alcohol previously); 5. He is teenagery or rebellious about voicing how changed he is now; 6. He very much fears the loss of contact with S.
I think this is really all I can know now. His behavior since our talk is indicative:
Day 1 (after talk) he tried like mad to poke and prod to get a negative reaction from me (I did not respond, other than to lock down my accounts-which I assume he has figured out); Day 2 he was silent (as far as I can tell); Day 3 he was excessive in his contact with S (including an article on aging and another alluding to Odysseus) and using lots of punctuation to prove that he is indeed "happy" and likely testing to make sure he was not blocked; and Day 4 another text to S (at 6:30 am no less) complete with good morning, I love you, did you get your homework done, have an excellent day, and rife with punctuation (four exclamation points and three question marks in all), again showing how gosh darn happy he is (see S and OA--you are wrong about the depression).
As for me:
I am way happier if I have no contact with him whatsoever. I challenged several of his charges and have had credits issued. I am determined to pay $0 toward his tax bill.
A lot to process, but it seems like more of the same Im sorry it didnt go better-
I don't sense he has done enough or any work to make a real move either way-
But you never know what the MLCer will do-He may surprise you and let go
I never thought my XH would file..it took him 1.5 years but he did and promply M Ow-
You probably have to let go again and work on you to really decide what you want and then figure out the best way to get it done- I find my best decisions are made when I am grounded, centered intuitive-
All the best-
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Thanks Peace. I went back and read again my last post and thought to myself, how different is this from the beginning? I would argue it is an issue of scale only.
I am working on stepping as far back as possible in every regard. I just have to get through the tax filing and then I'm going to make it clear that the only person I want to talk to about our relationship is his lawyer (I won't be lawyering up for the next round, I was writing all of my own pleadings anyway and will only consult with mine on particular issues). Not worrying about the cost will help me stay true to the course.
I had already resolved that I want to focus on what it is intuitive and organic. I want to stop indulging in flights of fantasy, and I don't want to have any hope of any kind as it regards him. To that end, I'm going to sign off until I get through this. My best to all of you for your kindnesses and support.
Job, can you lock this thread (looks like I'm about there anyway).
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
