Wife got served discovery papers, including a written deposition. I got a text from her pleading we not go through this process, nor mediation. She wants to settle ASAP. her claim is that Atty fees can be costly. I have a feeling she is hiding something big, that will be discoverable. There is too much at stake to avoid mediation.
She could very well be hiding something or....she is looking at what it is going to cost in attorney fees. She evidently doesn't want to face the consequences of her actions...which means money for those attorney fees. I would continue as you have been. You've been honest and forthcoming w/her, as well as providing her w/money on gift cards. You have to do what is right for you and your children.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I got a text from her pleading we not go through this process, nor mediation.
Ummm....if you don't even use mediation, what are you gonna do - write down a settlement on a paper sack?
Now - if she REALLY doesn't want to go through it, you COULD say "Ok, we'll use my attorney" and write up something that super favors yourself and see if she'll sign. But honestly, when children and child support and custody are involved, it's be foolish to do this without you both having attorneys, whether through mediation or otherwise.
What is it you think you might find through discovery? Did you not have a good grasp on her finances when you were together?
Through discovery I am hoping to obtain: -Timeline of adultery and proof OM had been around the children from well before divorce was even an issue. -financials. I know of several thousands of dollars used for furniture. There may have been more for hotels and gifts for OM. -texts admitting to possible drug use and OM being around children. This is a violation of court order as of Jan.
This will lead to more favorable custody for me as well as splitting assets (equity in vehicles, disproportionate share of community property, etc). I want the best for my kids as well as my pocketbook.
I cannot imagine trying to settle outside of mediation. It is worth my time to have attorneys go over things with a fine tooth comb. I don't have the time to do it myself.
So now W is repeatedly texting and asking we not use lawyers. She hinted that she may have fired hers. I don't think we are able to sit together or even talk on the phone about things. She seems upset I haven't responded. Shes even sent out some texts meant for other people, followed by "oops, sorry that was for _________"
I cannot imagine trying this process without representation.
What can I expect from here on out? She's never been violent so I don't think that would happen. OM is very shady so I'm watching out for anything unusual. Does this process throw MLC'er into reality? Can I expect her suddenly wanting to reconcile? Perhaps send her further through the tunnel?
Read up on hoovering. That is what she is doing with the texts. Trust me from someone still dealing with this years later, stick with your lawyer and get it done. She just isn't liking the consequences of her choices.
Continue with the L Don't try to Divorce on your own and stopping the process will only prolong whatever she is doing and throw everything off track-
I don't think this process of D would throw them into reality for long-because the inner work is not done She may be getting a glimpse of her dim future or maybe her L has told her of some possible outcomes that seem displeasing to her-
I think she could pretend to want to Reconcile to stop process and buy time- but I don't think she is done with OM or MLC -she is scared and doesn't like the projected outcome-
Also, I have a friend who Divorced without an attorney They agreed and did it all with whatever papers he wrote up she believed her XH and she lost absolutely everything and once it was all signed and done she had little chance of getting anything
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Your wife more than likely fired her lawyer because he/she was trying to advise her about what to expect and she didn't like the fact that he/she wasn't going to go along w/your wife's ideas....or...the lawyer advised her that she either get with the program or the lawyer would not take her on. Either way, we see this quite often in the MLC world, i.e., changing up of lawyers.
I would continue as you have been and stick w/your lawyer. You do not want to prolong this and she's in panic mode because she knows that the consequences of her actions are not going to be pretty. I agree w/Peace, she is definitely not done w/her MLC or the OM.
Continue moving forward and do not waffle on your decisions. She is hoping that by sending all of the texts, etc., you will waffle, feel sorry for her and drop the proceedings.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
That all makes sense. In the beginning I was the one who did not want to use lawyers. I was scared and wanted to prolong things. I've learned a great deal about the legal process, the infidelity, and have a chance at getting my children. There is no way I'd do this solo now.
She has been saying its hard for her emotionally and financially. I don't buy it. Her outlook is indeed bleak. There is a chance I will have to pay her legal fees--something I would do if ordered to do so.
She says she wants to do this as quickly as possible in order to help the healing process. I don't buy this either.
Thanks mostly to this place I have learned the process of detachment. A few months ago I may have given in. Not now. Too much has happened.
Oldest kids birthday party is coming up. I went all out. It's the first party I've ever planned so hope all goes well. W tried to intervene and tell daughter certain kids weren't invited because their moms are nosey. I put a stop to that. I got a chance to talk to oldest on her actual birthday. On speakerphone, I could hear W mumbling something. Kid asks me if those kids (with nosey moms) RSVP'd. I said I didn't know. In truth, they have RSVP'd. I don't like the moms either but it's my kids party, not mine or hers. Additionally, W parents, my parents and W brother and family will be there. She doesn't know about her brother. She has told me to stay away from her family, but they have told me otherwise. I hope she doesn't lose her cool.
