Letting Go. Detaching. Done Engaging.

[SteveLW]

Great link ovr. I hadn’t seen that one yet. I read it once and will re read that every time I think she is coming back. Continue to DB and focus on me and she can prove herself with consistent actions. Words mean absolutely nothing.

And neither do tacos!

[Did]

W came to pick up D4 to take her to school came early as we were eating. Brief convo. Talked schedule first.

Went over christmas plans with D4. I said then when she gets done all that I’ll have a present for you and christmas here. (Makes 3 christmases) w said something about spoiled and a lot of presents and favoritism. Didn’t say it in a mean way but next year we should discuss so it’s even. Next year planning on being separated / divorce that still hurts.

W wanted to make sure I was still able to get D4 fri am because she has a hair appt. her friend who cuts hair is about to go on maternity leave so this is like a huge important thing in her mind. Figure she has a date fri even though I don’t know and shouldn’t be thinking about it.

Then I feel like sht about this one. Towards the end of the time w says did you remember what yesterday was I didn’t want to mention it or cause stress. Our anniversary. Want to text her saying I feel bad about forgetting our anniversary. But that will not bring me any closer to my goals so posting here.

Again I feel worse being around her. I’m not going to put myself in these situations anymore. Anyway feeling pretty low. Her words affect me too much and I can’t believe what she says. I know I know

[Loves77]

Did she bring the tacos?

This chick loves to temp check you. Ignore it.

[Did]

Loves thanks. Yes she sure does. I posted here instead of saying anything to her. I’m tired of being pulled back in. It’s like my Ic said she’s my drug of choice. It’s like I want to hear from her even though it’s just going to hurt. I’m just done.

[ovrrnbw]

Did,

I'm the same way. When my phone rings or buzzes with a text, I'm secretly hoping it's her. Are you getting your W a Christmas present, did I read that right?

If your W brings up that you need to tell your W what you're getting your daughter for Christmas, just tell her you will handle your gifts and she can handle hers. Say no more. It's not her place to tell you what to do here.

Want to text her saying I feel bad about forgetting our anniversary.

I hope you didn't. It's not like your W wanted to be around you for it anyways.

Again I feel worse being around her. I’m not going to put myself in these situations anymore. Anyway feeling pretty low. Her words affect me too much and I can’t believe what she says. I know I know

I'm the same way, that's why I don't talk to her. What's there for us to talk about if they aren't committed to the MR? I mean that for your sitch and my sitch.

[Did]

Reposting this below for myself. W passed her soil science test today. I said congratulations and then she talked to D4. She asked me to borrow a book the subtle art to not giving a [censored]. Screenshot her girlfriend talking about book I had recommended to her months ago. She expressed so much excitement to gf but no excitement to me. Just no positive energy towards me. She shows interest when I pull away then we talk or hook up and nothing changes. Just shows her she can have me again. Going to do below as you have all recommended. I will have D4 tomorrow and then solo for the most part for holidays. I’m writing a book called the divorce epidemic It feels really good. I will not be responding to pics or anything else from W. Thank you all I hope we can continue discussion here. Maybe I’ll post the prelude to the book here later.

Sandis post (listen to the vets and do what works!!!)
You can't rely upon your emotions to guide you through this process. You are too emotionally enmeshed with her drama, and it's very difficult for you to distance yourself from all of it. That's why you need a list of do's and don'ts to follow, b/c you can't trust your feelings. Feelings can be fickle.

Your W appears to be very manipulative. She has "trained" you to respond whenever she snaps her fingers. Sending you a photo, text message, auto/video, etc...…..indicates her snapping her fingers. She keeps you tied to her through the cell phone. Plus, she can do this whenever it is convenient for her. She can do this while you are at work, driving, home, GAL, or whenever she chooses. She's in control as long as she can get a response from you. You cannot beak free emotionally, until you can see a text from her and not have the compulsion to respond. And, as long as you give in to that compulsion......you won't break away from her controlling hold and be your own man.

Why it works with her? As painful as you might think it is, she needs to believe she has lost control over you and that she has lost your interest. You have to prove she's lost these things by showing her the actions that match. You stop being her H. She didn't want to be your W, didn't want the MR...….so stop playing the role of a caring H. That's what works.

I think she has increased her massive phone contacts b/c she senses you pulling away, so she's pouring on the control to capture your attention and time. She wants your attention on her! Think about it. She makes almost everything about her. That seems very obvious to me, and why she wants to be in all the Facetime with D4, and playing on your sympathy b/c she knows you have a gentle heart, etc. These are selfish and manipulative actions. As long as she can control you, she is not going to respect you and she is not going to desire to be your wife. Therefore, you have to break the control. You start with not playing her games, and not responding to her texting.

[neffer]

Stay strong there Did. Believe in the process. Keep detaching. I know it’s hard man! Keep DB.

Team Did is here, we are all your cheerleaders! Go man, go!

[Did]

NC question. She has texted make sure I get presents for D4 teachers tomorrow. Should of had them ready today. Then sent pic of D4 eating. No response for me.

Question - if she asks about not responding or not talking just say I’ve been busy or what do you recommend?

[ovrrnbw]

I said congratulations and then she talked to D4.

So now you guys are talking and sharing parts of your lives while she isn't committed to you which tells her that you are OK with this situation. Oh well, same old stuff.

She shows interest when I pull away then we talk or hook up and nothing changes. Just shows her she can have me again.

Can't believe she got you again. If one of your athletes made this mistake over and over they'd be off the team or riding the bench.

If she asks why you aren't responding just say "Super busy". Those exact words, don't nice guy it by sugar coating or anything.

[STH17]

Was getting presents for the teachers something you had committed to doing already or is she just dropping this on you expecting you to cover for her?