Hi all ,not been on here for a while needed a break from this madness lol ,haven’t really got a lot to update really ,see W every now and again I don’t contact her in any way ,I need to do that for me . Last time she was here the expression on her face told me something was up ,another bd ,sure was,she sat there woe is me ,I can’t stay in a shared house for ever well have to sell the house ,errr no ,not happening ,well long story short I’ve decided to give her some of the equity from the house I’ll go and remortgage ,but I did try to explain that it’s not a good idea to burn all your bridges in one hit ,bad choices =consequences ,whether it got through to her I have no idea but that’s on her not me , To be fair I think I’m being quite accommodating,I don’t have to give her nothing from the house unless she wants to go and get a divorce and that’s on her not me ,not my circus ,not my monkeys . were 15 months into this since BD ,I’m still cycling ,not as bad now I try and figure it out as to why, if I can get through all the white noise ,sometimes works ,sometimes doesn’t but I’ll get there . So where’s the mlcer at ,well we don’t have any more spewing ,I guess she’s reached her objective there ,as in spew and project to break the marriage down ,objective achieved ,replay ,yeah were still in there ,any growth within her ,I don’t know I don’t see her often enough to draw a conclusion on that one ,but I don’t think any inward looking work is happening yet ,she stil has the habit of coming to the house when I’m at work ,well that’s going to change because I give her some money I’ll be changing the lock ,that’s a consequence of your actions I’m afraid you reap what you sow,and it’s not only that why should I let her come in when I’m out ,snooping at I don’t know what ,taking I don’t know what ,well I’ll. put a big boundary on that one . It is strange because when this started and you were destroyed by the mlcer at bd ,you think you’re never going to through this but as it goes on time passes it does get easier ,the operative word again TIME,but it’s true it does,yes I still love her,yes I’d like to think that someday we could reconcile ,but ,I have come to terms with the fact it might not happen and that ,I think is a big step toward healing a sort of acceptance as such ,but, it it what it is unfortunately and all the denying in the world is not going to alter the fact it’s happening so you might as well accept it and carry on . Well ,that’s it for now nothing else to report ,I hope your all doing ok ,walking your road back to wholeness ,it is a long hard road but worth doing in the long run ,for yourself ,because no one can fix you but you .stay strong my friends .R678
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
