Oh yes okay, using the band as an example...should I just randomly text her first then and ask her to come see a band with me or are you saying that next time she initiates a meet up I should tell her what we're doing? Like this?
WAW: Do you want to hang out Saturday? Me; Sure I'm going to see Band X at Sam's Bar. I'll pick you up at 8.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
I don't know for sure but I think she may be fishing, searching for a response from you. For you to show your interest?
I'm not a mind reader but she reached out to you...maybe she's wanting you to step up. Hoping you will take the lead from now.
I know it's difficult when we've been left behind, we want them to take control but a conversation needs to be had at some point. And I think it may have to come from you. I mean she's shown her interest in many ways...least of all asking you to sleep in her bed!
Women are difficult things sometimes, they don't always come out with whats on their minds...they hedge around hoping you'll pick it up.
Good luck!
Me 50 H 48 S 23 S 21 D 19 Together 31 years Married 25 years Separated April 2009 Reconciled 2010 Separated September 2017
Interesting Caz. I do see what you mean as far as her pursuing and yes the bed thing was just weird. I was perfectly fine on the couch, not like I said some about being uncomfortable, so I don't know why she wanted me in there. My personal thought is that she wanted to see how it felt for me to be next to her again. Who knows? She keeps subtly addressing us as friends and that's the only thing that keeps me from being a bit more aggressive. But as you said, her actions seem to show feelings more than friendship. So she's really baffling. As one posted said a few pages back, she didn't contact me 24 hours after I was newly single to be friends. It's easy to believe that but WAW really has shown no inclination towards anything romantic...unless I am just dense and not seeing something obvious here. Her leaning on my shoulder, talking about how sex has been a let down compared to me, and some other things are the items that confuse me. For now I have to ponder now I'm going to reply when her next invite comes, which I suspect will be forthcoming soon. Leaning towards declining even though I'm sure I won't really want to.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
IH, what Caz is saying is what I've been trying to say. This is another form of limbo you are in and the only way out I can see is to sit her down and just ask her what she is looking for. You can be explicit about what you want at the same time. Due to the dynamic between the two of you it is going to be awkward for things to naturally develop like they would with someone new.
Like I said, I have a few years on you. As you get closer to 50 you realize how precious time is and that you don't want to be sitting on the sidelines watching life pass you by. Also, as I've said before if not in this thread in other threads, I had a longtime game of tug-of-war with a girl that still occasionally contacts me to try to make she can still set a hook. It is a AWFUL place to be with someone you care about so I would suggest avoiding that type of relationship at all costs. (Over the years there was a lot of head on shoulder, legs across me, laying in bed together. If I could do it over in 1990 I would have said "this is what I want, and if you want anything less than that then this ends now."
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
If you don't want to decline her invite...then don't decline it...
Go, have fun and be authentic. If, as you say, you don't mind how this plays out, then you have nothing to lose. You may as well enjoy each other's company in the mean time.
Me 50 H 48 S 23 S 21 D 19 Together 31 years Married 25 years Separated April 2009 Reconciled 2010 Separated September 2017
Oh yes okay, using the band as an example...should I just randomly text her first then and ask her to come see a band with me or are you saying that next time she initiates a meet up I should tell her what we're doing? Like this?
WAW: Do you want to hang out Saturday? Me; Sure I'm going to see Band X at Sam's Bar. I'll pick you up at 8.
Yes! A date next time she initiates. You drive, less alcohol.
Still too early for R talks, you aren't even dating yet.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Thanks Steve. You know I think you're into something when you speak of our dynamic. this really can only be treated as a "new" relationship to a degree but then there's just too much familiarity between us for it to progress as a new relationship would. Maybe what I should do is next time we are hanging out I will just have to tell her that we need to figure out where this is going. We simply can't continue to acknowledge that our "friendship" has a limited life span (meaning until either of us gets with someone else) yet still see each other in what is becoming near-weekly occurrences. It makes no sense. So I will tell her she needs to decide where she wants this to go long term because right now it's like we're friends until either of us gets with someone else. It's ridiculous really. unfortunately it will sound like an ultimatum but there's no point in nurturing just a friendship that has an expiration date on it. Basically if you are still of the mindset that you never want to get back together then perhaps we should cut this out and just move on with our lives because right now the road we're on is a dead end street because the friendship could end abruptly at any time. Yeah Caz I'm not totally decided that I'm going to decline...just tossing the idea around in my head a bit.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Yeah V that's what I will do then. Take control and make it a date. I'd she declines then I've essentially gotten the same answer my proposal above would get me. Time to kick this dog along a bit i think.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
