Thanks for the feedback and encouragement, guys. Just wanted to update and I don't wanna just fall off like I did last time. I owe you guys more than that.
Nothing has changed. Got an attorney to fight the PO. Gonna defend myself and do everything I can to keep this off my record.
The days are long and hard, filled with ups and down, mostly downs. Even the ups aren't really up, they're just not the downs. I've been trying to eat, but still haven't gotten back to normal with that.
It took me two weeks to open my fridge. I still haven't actually cooked anything. I think its because we'd always cook together and food was a huge part of our relationship.
I've been exercising almost every day, but it doesn't really help.
I think the hardest thing right now is the loneliness. I try to stay busy and GAL but its difficult, especially in the evenings, after I work out and don't really have anything else to do. My friends took me to a concert on Saturday which was a nice break, but when I got home around midnight everything was still here waiting for me. Couldn't fall asleep for hours.
My friend knew some girls there and we were all chatting and things got kind of flirty. I wasn't really digging it, and I didn't pursue, although I feel like it would at least keep my mind occupied. Even so, I'm still technically married so thats probably not the best idea anyways, even if its nothing serious.
I ended up canceling my appointment for the meds. I'm gonna just try to power through it and see what happens.
I still get the feeling like this is some sort of nightmare and I'll wake up but that aint happening. Hopefully things turn around soon and I can get on with my life either way. I'm kind of in a holding pattern for the time being.
I went about 6 weeks without a full night sleep, and without proper nutrition. Lost over 10 lbs. Eventually you will start feeling normal again.
One word of caution, when you do start feeling normal again be careful. I put on 15 lbs without blinking! I am trying to drop about 5 again, but you will get back to normal. I agree with your decision to power through. Meds should be a last resort.
Hang in there, there is light at the end of the tunnel. OH, and on the girl front, smart move there. The last thing you need right now, when you can't eat or sleep over one woman, is another one messing with your head.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Yeah, thats what I figured, Steve85. Thanks for the support.
Ste7e, I've been sober for around 3 years, not sure exactly what the date is. Sometime around now. I don't plan on drinking, at least not any time soon. Maybe when this is all said and done I'll have a beer, who knows. I'm just glad I've still got nicotine at least lol
Well done with sticking to exercise just for now. If you need the meds that is fine too but you can consider that down the line. IMHO the easier it gets the less you will need them. It will get easier.
I used to get up and run straight from the off. Hated it. I was just trying to turn my brain to off for a while. To stop the constant ruminating and anxiety. It s takes a while, but it will click in. As will your happiness again. In between so will your appetite.
You are doing the right thing not drinking. I totally advocate this. You just end up helping yourself at one end then making that help crash down when the anxiety from alcohol kicks in so I d say don t. Been there and done it. Not good.
The GAL thing is hard. Kind of don t feel present due to your mind set. This will also improve in time as you get your confidence and happiness (yourself) back. This will happen.
I d say on the dating front, casual or not, give it a miss if you can. No harm in catching up with friends at all (this is a definite GAL yes!) but I just think until you are yourself properly it s not fair on the other person or you really. Also other people bring their feelings and concerns and right now you perhaps need to focus on you.
Keep doing what you are doing. You seem to be on top of things. Every day you will feel a little better. Try remembering what you felt and acted like a few weeks ago, months etc. You will see the improvement. Just focus on that continuing. With a sensible routine it will.
Surfer.
Last edited by Cadet; 05/23/1812:05 AM. Reason: restored post
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