Soon to be LBS - need advice

[swagger]

sorry for the lack of updates...my emotions have been all over the place. My W moved out on the 10th, and i had a few rough nights. It was heartbreaking seeing the woman i have loved for 14 years pack up and leave our home without even saying a word to me.

I know she's only been gone for 7 days but i get incredibly lonely at night...even though we were in separate bedrooms for 3 months, the fact that she was there helped me to sleep at night.Now that she is gone i'm up all night wondering what she is doing. I know this is not healthy but hopefully with time i get that out of sight out of mind mindstate.

Since moving out she has barely spent time with the kids, like i stated in previous posts her move was poorly planned, my D12 told me she has no furniture besides a couch and loveseat...no bed, dressers, ect. she dosen't even have any appliances, because of this she has been taking the kids to her mother's afterschool to help them with their homework.

So she sees the kids every other day from 4pm and brings them home at 7:30pm. She texted the other day saying when she gets situated she wants the kids every other week (i doubt that). Still no communication with her other than brief texts regarding the kids. She still seems very angry toward me so i haven't initiated any contact with her.

Overall my home is somewhat peaceful but i am felling incredibly lonely. I miss her.

[marina7]

Swagger,
I won't say it will get better because I'll be lying to you. All we can do is take it a day at a time.

So sorry your kids are also suffering my W did same thing out of the blue one day after bd literally 3 days later she was gone. Financially and emotinally and physically. I don't think W even thought it out all she said was I just sign a lease and next day gone while 4 broken hearts seen her fill her car with her cloths only. Nothing more and here I am almost 11months later and still the same. In fact W got worse mistreating kids to telling them she never wanted them. Now we going to court.

Advice stay away from W and protect your kids. We lose focus on our surroundings because we ourselves are hurting bad but I finally realise if I myself don't understand or hurting this bad I can't imagine what our kids are feeling if I don't myself don't understand how can a child understand. This was the day I knew I had to live for them and pick myself up from the ground and realise my kids are my strength my motivation my purpose for every foot forward I take.

So take it a day at a time and don't forget to breath during this process your kids need you now more than ever.

[swagger]

Sorry for the lack of updates...i was just promoted at work so my schedule has been crazy as of late.

It's been about 6 weeks since W moved out...i stated in my earlier posts that W had no furniture and appliances, well she finally got those about 2 weeks ago, the kids have been staying with her 2 nights out of the week. They never stay on the weekend ( my W goes clubbing with her sister almost every weekend)

Anyway we still have zero communication besides brief texts about the kids, this is so frustrating!!! she literally refuses to have any sort of adult conversation with me. She will come pick the kids up and won't even speak to me. I knew things weren't going to fix themselves overnight but i thought 6 weeks apart with little to no contact would at least help her to get rid of the animosity and anger toward me...but no she still short with me when she speaks, still wont look me in the face

I really don't know what to do? Should i continue to not initiate contact? i just want to know where her heads at? Our D12 says she feels uncomfortable at her house, she said that when she's over there all W does is text/talk on phone. I've had some really lonely nights these past few weeks, the uncertainty of this separation is driving me nuts.

A mutual friend told me that she said she still loved me and wanted to salvage the M. She hasn't expressed anything to me, i know she may just be blowing smoke but it gave me some false hope i guess. On the upside i just started my own personal therapy last week and i just received the DR & DB books, so hopefully i can find some answers

[meg24]

Just read your story swagger, so sorry for your sitch. Pieces sound familiar to mine. My H moved out almost 2 weeks ago after BD almost 3 months ago.

What are you doing for GAL? It will seriously help keep your mind off your W. And help yoube the best you possible, for any future R and for your kids.

Don't try to get in her mind, or figure anything with her out. I am also working on this part. Just focus on you, kids and GAL.

[AnotherStander]

Anyway we still have zero communication besides brief texts about the kids, this is so frustrating!!!

It is frustrating, but even if you drew her into a convo it would not go how you want it to.

I knew things weren't going to fix themselves overnight but i thought 6 weeks apart with little to no contact would at least help her to get rid of the animosity and anger toward me...but no she still short with me when she speaks, still wont look me in the face

I know 6 weeks seems like forever, but we're not kidding when we say this is a marathon. It could be a year or more before she comes around.

I really don't know what to do? Should i continue to not initiate contact?

Yes.

i just want to know where her heads at?

You already know that.

I've had some really lonely nights these past few weeks, the uncertainty of this separation is driving me nuts.

I assume by uncertainty you mean you're wondering if/ when she'll come back. That's not likely to happen for quite some time, so take a deep breath and settle in for the long haul! This takes a ton of patience.

[swagger]

Meg
Sorry to hear about your sitch as well...it [censored] i know. When my W moved out I felt like a couldn’t breathe, I barely slept the 1st week of her being gone. Stay strong!


GAL has been kind of tough...I’m in this funk where I don’t feel like doing anything or being around anyone, I know I need to get out of this for the kids sake...I have a lot of fun things planned for their upcoming spring break.

All of my close friends are either married or in serious relationships, I need to make an effort to meet new people

[swagger]

Stander
Thank you for your words! I need to those trees of reality checks...these 6 weeks have felt like a lifetime. Patience has always been a struggle for me so I know that this separation is going to be tough for me.

I hope to get started on the DR book this weekend and try to wrap my head around these last couple weeks.I’ve come so close to initiating contact with her not to plead or beg but to try and get some answers.This false hope that I have is really kicking my butt

[swagger]

when picking up the kids last night W asked if we could get together next Friday, i asker her what for and she said to catch up? I'm preparing for the worse...i agreed to meet with her, how do i go go about this meeting? This will potentially be the first sit down conversation that we've had in months

[LH19]

Swaggy,

You act cool calm and collective and you listen and validate. It is very important to be confident, make eye contact and most importantly to not come unglued if she says she wants a D.

[meg24]

I hope to get started on the DR book this weekend and try to wrap my head around these last couple weeks.I’ve come so close to initiating contact with her not to plead or beg but to try and get some answers.This false hope that I have is really kicking my butt

Swagger, one thing I've learned for sure, you won't get any answers from your W, and you probably won't every get your ahead around anything in the past, recent or distant. You just have to look at today, then tomorrow, then the next day.

As far as false hope? I get it, I hold hope as well. But my hope as shifted, as well as my focus. Maybe in time yours will as well. My focus is now on me and my kids, nobody else. My thing that gives me hope is that my H has not made a move toward D. That's it.

GAL, and friends, is difficult, I understand. Especially when you've made your family your entire focus (hindsight is 20/20, right?). My GAL, spending more time on my hobbies (crochet, crafts). Last week I even spent lots of time just window shopping. I was telling my best girlfriend last night about that, she was shocked, I haven't done that in, well, ever! Friends? I'm not making new friends, just cultivating old friendships that I've let slip. I don't know if I want new friends at this point. I'll just let that happen naturally.

You will get through this, the key is to stop trying to analyze her behavior. Hang in there.