Had a decent couple of days. W texted me a few times with stuff that wasn't about our daughter (Whattup, etc). She is going to her work Christmas party tonight, I will be at work. I was hoping for an invite but didn't get it. Tomorrow we are taking our daughter to see Santa and going to dinner with her dad afterwards.
ME44, W30 D17, S15 (mine from previous) D4 T:10, M:6
I think I was mostly not expecting an invite, which is fine. I almost feel like it would have been more of a chance for something to go wrong at this point.
Hopefully we will have a good day tomorrow seeing Santa with our daughter and then at dinner with her dad. Things have been pretty good lately, so I'm trying to appreciate the small positives while not reading too much into it. One day at a a time.
ME44, W30 D17, S15 (mine from previous) D4 T:10, M:6
I also forgot to mention that I had an IC session this week. The counselor is almost running out of things to say because I've worked so hard on bettering myself. Out plan now is to work on making these changes last.
I also had a coaching session with a DB coach. It went well, but a lot of what she talked about I was already doing. Hopefully the next session will be more action-oriented. The main takeaway from the session was to just treat her like a good friend for now. That was actually helpful because I was struggling with the line between pursuing and being friendly. It really just confirmed I had been acting appropriately, thanks to the DR book and the advice on here!
ME44, W30 D17, S15 (mine from previous) D4 T:10, M:6
So we went out tonight to see Santa and to dinner with her dad. It was ok, not great but not bad, just ok. I’m not really sure how I’m feeling about it. I still want to be with her, but if it’s not going to happen I wish she would just say so. Am I being impatient? I know it’s only been a few months but I wish there was some type of acknowledgement one way or the other. We did make plans to go to my work Christmas party next Friday and to take our daughter ice skating in two weeks. She will hang out with me but it just seems like there’s nothing there. Please someone give me some words of wisdom. I feel like maybe I’m not detached enough, I want some info from her but I’m trying to not pressure her.
ME44, W30 D17, S15 (mine from previous) D4 T:10, M:6
Why are you taking her to your work Xmas party? That's couple type stuff and if you're not a couple, I wouldn't do it.
In terms of her telling you what's the status, you could ask her and she might tell you where she's at right NOW, but that could change over the next few months. Unless there's some crazy amount of mixed messages going then I would leave it alone.
In my sitch (I wrote about it), I was getting crazy mixed messages from her - from wanting to hang out and have wine to sleeping in the same bed and texting me stuff etc etc. It really f$^#ed with my mind and I couldn't take it anymore. So, I did the anti-DB thing and did a huge temp check on her and she came back with the same script. So, I knew that all this mixed messaging stuff was either confusion on her part or trying to let me down easy - both of which was pretty infuriating. But, I did get clarity on where her head was at that moment and since then I've been DBing my head off.
That experience taught me that I shouldn't have doubted the DB philosophy and just implemented it and it would've been better. But, I kinda did it half-a$$ and backslid a few times and so her actions were messing with my head.
I would stop hanging out with her and trying to be her 'friend'. Nothing good is going to come out of that for you. She needs to feel the loss of you not being in her life.
I would just say that DB your heart out and live your life. Stay NC with her outside of kids/finances and let her be. I know it's so hard to say than do, but it's the only way you can gain some mental peace and sanity.
I would stop hanging out with her and trying to be her 'friend'. Nothing good is going to come out of that for you. She needs to feel the loss of you not being in her life.
My DB coach told me to try to be her friend right now and even do things together (either alone or with the kids). I hear a lot of advice from both sides of that.
ME44, W30 D17, S15 (mine from previous) D4 T:10, M:6
I would stop hanging out with her and trying to be her 'friend'. Nothing good is going to come out of that for you. She needs to feel the loss of you not being in her life.
My DB coach told me to try to be her friend right now and even do things together (either alone or with the kids). I hear a lot of advice from both sides of that.
The DB coach probably has better insight into your sitch so I would follow the advice. I think if there's no OM, then being friendly makes sense given the trouble in the MR is probably due to some lack of intimacy or closeness. I also think you can be friendly without pursuing the W. It's a balancing act.
I second the friendly without pursuing. I wasn't trying to convey a more harsher approach. What I was saying is that you don't want to end up as her 'friend', within a group of people she calls friends. The position you want to play in her life is different and you can still be friendly and chill without falling into the friend zone.
