Something else just came up that I could use some quick advice on. I just remembered that our personal property taxes on our vehicles are due today. Should I pay for the Ws car or should I let her know how much it is so she can pay. We don’t have a joint bank account and it always came out of mine. The car is in both of our names. Thanks!!
ME44, W30 D17, S15 (mine from previous) D4 T:10, M:6
Business As Usual......I would say this though. As soon as my W told me she no longer loved me, wanted a D and moved out we separated finances. At some point in time you will need to do the same.
My concern is if you do it now, tied to a large bill it will look like you are being punitive towards her. Punishing her for leaving. IMO when you have the conversation it needs to be organic and not tied to some big bill that is due. When my W moved our conversation happened as of a result of what she needed to do to get herself established. She also gave me her CC that was in my name, her debit card to our joint account and her checkbook. Eventually you will need to bring up the subject and come to an agreement on who is going to pay for what based on each of your incomes assuming there is a large difference.
That makes sense. My concern was that I was “enabling” her or making it easy for her to do what she wants with no responsibility. Kind of like I would pay the bills while she did her own thing.
ME44, W30 D17, S15 (mine from previous) D4 T:10, M:6
Like I said....you do need to have the conversation. Maybe this bill could be the catalyst but I just wouldn't go hand it to her and say I am not paying since you moved out.
Hey Mrs CB......you know this bill is due and I normally pay it out of this account. With that said I think we do need to discuss our finances moving forward now that we are separated.
FWIW...I paid all of our bills in our home. The only thing my W was concerned about is whether or not the debit card worked. I took the financial lead when she moved out and made sure that what I was paying and what she was paying was fair, equitable and something she agreed to. I make more than double what she does however I ensured she was responsible for her apt rent, living expenses, cell phone, groceries, gas. I do pay her car payment, car insurance, after school care for the kids and our family debt. I had to make a choice and that was to either pay it to set her free or refuse and hold her hostage in the home. I choose to set her free.
