Trying as best I can with Last Resort Technique

[Maika]

the beginning of reconciliation, if there is one, looks like the LBS moving on with their life and not looking back.

^^^^^^ $$$$$$$$$$ MONEY $$$$$$$$$$$$

[MStarr]

Thanks. I'm definitely putting on that show, but struggle in my heart. Does that count?

[doodler]

Does that count?

It's an excellent start!

[MStarr]

I'm feeling a bit better today. More accepting of the situation. Accepting that I may never get the apology that I deserve or that he probably will never want to reconcile. I know this will pass, but for now, acceptance feels easier than hope.

[Morbo]

Yeah, good luck with that apology, sorry!
My experience with a serial lying cheating spouse is that they will never give you the heartfelt apology you deserve and in my particular case she just gets angrier and angrier with me for no good reason, go figure..

Acceptance is good, it all takes time though and one day you can be up and the next day completely overwhelmed. It does get easier.

I understand the devastation, the pain, the rejection you're going through. The hardest part I find is that she wont admit to the OM(he's just a friend, LMAO)when I have so much evidence. I started a thread on it last week..

The cheater will lie, deny, deny, emotionally manipulate you into thinking that you're a terrible person responsible for everything. Its really cruel what they do to us. You just cant believe that this is your soul mate, spouse doing this to you.
I refused to believe..
I was actually actively pursuing her up to 2 weeks ago and still in emotional turmoil when I realized what she was doing to me.
When more stuff came to light, a switch went off(pardon the pun) and I want nothing to do with her anymore besides necessary family stuff and the divorce.
Like your husband, my wife is utterly miserable but they made their choice...

BUT, on the positive side, I too have lost 30 lbs on the Divorce diet, have really connected more with my kids and lots of new awesome opportunities are coming up.
In the next couple of months, year or so you may even count all this as a blessing.

Keep your chin up, keep GAL'ing. Keep busy, buy nice things for yourself, do things that you could never do with him, expand your social circle. Look after yourself and your family.
Best of luck !

[Cherry]

I think acceptance is a safer place mentally than hope. You can still root for your marriage but also accept that that may not happen.
You sound like you’re doing the right things, looking after yourself and being strong and stable is the best for you and your boys. Staying steady and level headed will definitely help your boys as your h is all over the board right now.

You are doing all the right things, this is a marathon, not a sprint. So be kind to you. Accept your emotions, and accept that some days are tougher than others. If things get tough, or you need to vent- see here as your safe place. There’s always someone around. Treat yourself, get a new haircut, manicure, clothes- anything that makes you feel good.

[MStarr]

Thanks guys! Yes I also lost 30 lbs on the divorce diet! Most effective diet ever! I wouldn't recommend it to anyone....

This is definitely a marathon if a race at all. My H is resolute it seems although from what my son says, miserable. Crashed from his euphoric (and callous) high from August and September.

Great advice I got in the beginning was to just breathe and do one kind thing for myself every single day.

[Cherry]

You’re very right. To start off it’s about getting through each hour, then day then week until it slowly starts to ease. The pain and heartbreak may still be there, but so long as it isn’t holding you back then you’re heading the right way. Absolutely do something for yourself, you owe yourself the love you give freely to others. And a happy mama is happy kids.

That sounds about right re your h’s mood. Best not to mind read or focus upon his. Mine frequently dips from highs to manic lows, all part and parcel of their rollercoaster, and we don’t want a go on that.

[MStarr]

Thanks Cherry. Wishing all who celebrate it a Merry Christmas! Doing well today. I am afraid of crashing again after the holidays. I can't go back emotionally to where I was. That was waaaayy too rough. I am very much afraid of that pain.

Love and Hugs to all of us!

[MStarr]

Well he started up again with divorce talk.

He has been transferring money every month without a problem for the past three months. In the past and during our marriage, whenever I asked for money to pay the bills, he always freaked out and gave me a hard time. As if he was surprised every month that we had bills.

So I asked him for January money because "he's going away for New Year's". At first he just said he would send it, but the next day he sent me another unclear email. He said "at some point, we have to discuss the finances. Me sending you money every month seems, I dunno" . That's literally what he said. I replied "I'm ready to start the process when you are." I told him that in November as well.

I have primary physical custody of our two boys and live in our family home. He lives in a little one bedroom cabin. (his choice to live there). I think he wants to "kitchen table" our divorce agreement, but I want someone strong on my side and would like to do "collaborative divorce" which is sort of like mediation, but you each have a lawyer guiding you.

Anyway, this is all really rough. In the beginning, I thought I would do anything to have him back. Now because he's often been such a jerk and is of course dating, I'm just not sure. I would love other people's insights.