See how effective it is when you flip the script on a narcissistic cheater? They MUST have control over everything. The second you take back control over your life they flip out. Keep it up and it'll be her begging you for another chance.
There are too many doggone Joes on here! I'm a Joe too.
Thanks for sharing.
Does it make sense that as crazy as I was about her, I'm really not feeling it right now? I'm operating under the assumption that my love for her will get reignited if DBing goes well.
Me48 W46 D22 D20 T30 M28 BD/PA revealed 05/2017 W moved out 06/2017 DB started 9/6/2017
Does it make sense that as crazy as I was about her, I'm really not feeling it right now? I'm operating under the assumption that my love for her will get reignited if DBing goes well.
Not crazy at all. I followed the program and detached so well that the thought of getting back together with a woman that would cheat on me no longer had any appeal. I had too many plans for a great future without her. I went from clingy, crying, begging pathetic guy to confident, happy, moving on guy and that snapped her out of it completely. Even so I had realized what kind of woman I had on my hands and had determined I could do much better. We ended up staying together but she almost lost me for good. I will no longer EVER for ONE SECOND put up with a partner that does not love, honor, and cherish me. I give that to them so if they don't return it, or even commit the smallest infraction of cheating and I'm gone for good.
I'm feeling good about where you are. Stick to your guns. You're doing well.
I'm in a sort of cynical phase, I think. My BS meter has been re-calibrated and is in full effect. She's now in a 'show me' place in my heart/mind. Hoping I can detect all necessary BS and not get fooled until I see some true signs of turning.
I know I might be getting waaay ahead of myself. It could be a long time before she darkens my door. And true remorse could be much further out. That said, I heard a car pull up last night and butterflies went crazy in my stomach. Not in a romantic way, but in an "I'm not fully prepared for this" way. If it was her, I would have struggled to be 4C.
Me48 W46 D22 D20 T30 M28 BD/PA revealed 05/2017 W moved out 06/2017 DB started 9/6/2017
Looking back, I was probably too clingy for her. I've always enjoyed her company and seen her as my best friend. She's always my first choice for hanging out or doing things with.
Yeah not attractive. A man needs a purpose, goals, spending time with the guys, working out. The good news is now you understand where you went wrong.
Do you suffer from NGS "nice guy syndrome?
What are your boundaries? Is a physical affair a deal breaker?
IMO you have to let her know that she can't go "girls gone wild" and them come home to her family when she is done. If you do not, IMO this is going to be a long painful process for you.
Do some research on boundaries so you are clear that boundaries are not to control her but to establish what you are willing to accept and there has to be consequences if they are crossed.
Then a text comes. "If you don't call me immediately, I'll never speak to you again." Me: ignore.
I've gotten a few texts like that. I also would ignore.
She has never failed to text back. Usually within 12 hours. :-)
Me: 52 Her: 48 2D 26 & 16 M: 25 years (together 30) EA/discovered by accident Valentines day 2016 Admitted SOME physical but no IC. We know that's a lie. Status - tryin to R
Not sure if NGS is defined somewhere, but that definitely sounds like me by its name.
I had always thought a PA would be a dealbreaker. Turned out it wasn't. But it would be a dealbreaker if it happened again, definitely!
Yes, boundaries and transparency requirements are things I still need to dig into and work out. I agree about 'girls gone wild' - zero tolerance for that.
Me48 W46 D22 D20 T30 M28 BD/PA revealed 05/2017 W moved out 06/2017 DB started 9/6/2017
Since she moved out where do you stand now? My W moved out in the middle of June and we have not spoke about our R or D in almost 2 months. I have no idea what she is doing, who she is going out with, etc. Have you thought about what your going to do moving forward? Just curious as we have a few similarities.
Yep it's like Ground Hogs Day here. Same story but a different guy.
Based on your screen name you may have some low self-esteem issues.
My best advice is to become the best fuching AG you can become, read self help books especially ones on Alpha male behavior. Get in the gym, run, bike, buy a motorcycle you know bad a$$ $hit.
Just don't be surprised if you become so bad a$$ that you end up not wanting her back in the future.
That should almost be the tagline for DB/DR - "starting your journey to doing some bad a$$ $hit for yourself."
And yes, I do have plans for buying a motorcycle by next summer as you asked.. Harley Iron Rod 883 - full black. Last time I owned a motorcycle was 16 years ago. Time to get back.
Sorry for the threadjack, but I am fully down with the unofficial DB/DR mantra
