My friend just found a pic of him and OW on Facebook from yesterday. My heart is racing. I don't know what to do.
________________________ M: 35 H: 36 M: Together 16 years; M 6 S14, D12 BD: 8/11 H Moved Out: 8/13 PA confirmed: 9/2 H Back Home: 9/27 OW Says she's pregnant/R on hold: 10/12
Him and I slept together yesterday and he probably slept with her last night, too. I want to send him the picture and tell him I'm done. And I want to tell her that I know about her too. I don't know if this falls into the DB rules, but WTF. This is out of control.
________________________ M: 35 H: 36 M: Together 16 years; M 6 S14, D12 BD: 8/11 H Moved Out: 8/13 PA confirmed: 9/2 H Back Home: 9/27 OW Says she's pregnant/R on hold: 10/12
Him and I slept together yesterday and he probably slept with her last night, too. I want to send him the picture and tell him I'm done. And I want to tell her that I know about her too. I don't know if this falls into the DB rules, but WTF. This is out of control.
well, of course it's not DB, but you're human and your feelings are understandable.
But think out the LIKELY result of this plan. And, are you really done?
IF you are done and IF you are sure, the picture can wait till tomorrow anyhow.
Sleep on it and see how you feel. But do your best through this whole ordeal
to think out the likely outcome. And make sure your kids don't have to be in the audience.
Hang in there, you are not alone.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Him and I slept together yesterday and he probably slept with her last night, too. I want to send him the picture and tell him I'm done. And I want to tell her that I know about her too. I don't know if this falls into the DB rules, but WTF. This is out of control.
well, of course it's not DB, but you're human and your feelings are understandable.
But think out the LIKELY result of this plan. And, are you really done?
IF you are done and IF you are sure, the picture can wait till tomorrow anyhow.
Sleep on it and see how you feel. But do your best through this whole ordeal
to think out the likely outcome. And make sure your kids don't have to be in the audience.
Hang in there, you are not alone.
Am I an idiot? I still don't feel done. I want him to wake the h@ll up and come home.
Last edited by Cadet; 09/05/1708:00 AM.
________________________ M: 35 H: 36 M: Together 16 years; M 6 S14, D12 BD: 8/11 H Moved Out: 8/13 PA confirmed: 9/2 H Back Home: 9/27 OW Says she's pregnant/R on hold: 10/12
Nobody on here can tell you how to feel. I know I would be hurt and feeling like you. We have two options in situations like these give up or DB. I'm starting to see the more I letgo/Detach to better I DB. Detaching is good for us. It keeps out of emotional decisions. I've notice also, every time I let myself get emotional and approach my wife the outcome is worst. Take a logical approach to this situation and see if you get a different outcome then approching it emotionally.
Take my experience of emotional approach not ending well.
Joejoe1
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
Nobody on here can tell you how to feel. I know I would be hurt and feeling like you. We have two options in situations like these give up or DB. I'm starting to see the more I letgo/Detach to better I DB. Detaching is good for us. It keeps out of emotional decisions. I've notice also, every time I let myself get emotional and approach my wife the outcome is worst. Take a logical approach to this situation and see if you get a different outcome then approching it emotionally.
Take my experience of emotional approach not ending well.
Joejoe1
Definitely will detach. I'm so hurt.
________________________ M: 35 H: 36 M: Together 16 years; M 6 S14, D12 BD: 8/11 H Moved Out: 8/13 PA confirmed: 9/2 H Back Home: 9/27 OW Says she's pregnant/R on hold: 10/12
Today I get kick this hurt feeling. I feel you on being hurt. I think by becoming a person that is not a def, will start to put us back in a position of our spouses having to make a conscious choice. Right now they dont have to think if we will be there, we have to pull away to make them doubt our presence in their lives.
I agree it does hurt. It's our turn to become happy. And time for us to to relieve some of this hurt.
Let's get to DBing.
Can you read my thread and offer some advice on my situation.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
My friend just found a pic of him and OW on Facebook from yesterday. My heart is racing. I don't know what to do.
daisy, Another similar aspect to our stories. I had just also found a picture of him and OW on social media. I feel like H knows I might see this pic and doesn't even care, so add another notch to the hurt tally. You're not crazy for wanting your H back even after what he's done. Up until a few weeks ago, as far as you were concerned, you were in a committed marriage. With that being said, you have to take his actions at face value. I think because you're open to sex, he's going to continue with you and OW. Think of all of the potential consequences of that scenario. IMHO, not good. You can still want your H, but at this point, he's not showing you anything to make yo believed he'd like to reconcile. You have to DB, for your own sanity. If it's meant to be, he'll realize what he's losing and come back. In my posting, I asked you about selling the house because it seemed like he was on the road to moving on and you were waiting for him to come to his senses and come home. Doesn't mean you won't reconcile, it just doesn't seem like that's happening anytime soon. Take care of yourself and your kids. Continue to read DB, GAL and try to detach as much as possible.
M:43 H:44 M:10 T:14 S:26 BD:7/21/17 H files for D:7/31/17 (haven't been served) PA:8/30/17
My friend just found a pic of him and OW on Facebook from yesterday. My heart is racing. I don't know what to do.
daisy, Another similar aspect to our stories. I had just also found a picture of him and OW on social media. I feel like H knows I might see this pic and doesn't even care, so add another notch to the hurt tally. You're not crazy for wanting your H back even after what he's done. Up until a few weeks ago, as far as you were concerned, you were in a committed marriage. With that being said, you have to take his actions at face value. I think because you're open to sex, he's going to continue with you and OW. Think of all of the potential consequences of that scenario. IMHO, not good. You can still want your H, but at this point, he's not showing you anything to make yo believed he'd like to reconcile. You have to DB, for your own sanity. If it's meant to be, he'll realize what he's losing and come back. In my posting, I asked you about selling the house because it seemed like he was on the road to moving on and you were waiting for him to come to his senses and come home. Doesn't mean you won't reconcile, it just doesn't seem like that's happening anytime soon. Take care of yourself and your kids. Continue to read DB, GAL and try to detach as much as possible.
Did you confront your H about the picture? I still have not confronted him about it. I feel like I should. I don't want to contact the OW, however. I've decided against it.
Yesterday, he did not see me or the kids at all and didn't reach out to them. I know he was with her all day. I blew up at him over text - told him he not acting like himself, he's totally disengaged with his family, he loves us and leaves us and it's getting really old. He never responded.
Today I saw him and I spoke to him with love and understanding. He opened up to me again and told me that he was looking into a psychiatrist to help with his potential bipolar issues. He also told me he just got an apartment. That hurt to hear. He also said that I was absolutely right in the text I wrote yesterday and it wasn't fair. He says he feels like a POS and feels so guilty about what he's doing.
Then, the conversation turned a bit and he kept talking about his potential mental illness and asked why did no one notice that he wasn't well all these years. Asked why are the kids mad at him and ignoring him now, but never got mad or ignored me when "I was terrible to him". I validated what he said with "that must be frustrating to feel that way" or "I'm sure that makes you feel hurt".
When he left, he hugged me and thanked me for listening to him. Of course he left to go be with her. I feel like I am sitting idle and enabling this affair by not telling him what I know and how it's making me feel.
________________________ M: 35 H: 36 M: Together 16 years; M 6 S14, D12 BD: 8/11 H Moved Out: 8/13 PA confirmed: 9/2 H Back Home: 9/27 OW Says she's pregnant/R on hold: 10/12
Daisy, their all bipolar. Bipolar-Cake eaters Don't let him blame these conscious decisions on something other than himself. They fall under this Fairytail spell or it has been described as a Fog, when they engage with this OW. All endorphins and no complications.
You can't break them of this spell, but you can enable and extend it. So do the things that you can so as to not enable it. DB, 180, GAL
Remeber this as it is easy to forget. Respond don't react. If you are getting emotional don't communicate with him. It sends the message that you are still there waiting if plan A fails. Wrong message.
A Much better message is that you are moving along with or without and he'd be lucky if you are available with he wakes from this spell.
I know you may feel you have made mistakes. We all do. That's why this group is so important. Emotions get in the way.
You have been doing very well.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
of course it's not DB, but you're human and your feelings are understandable.