I have and have read all the MWD books. Read every article and watched every video of hers. I can't afford the phone counciling but would love to do that. My books are hidden and no one has access to my computer. I do clear history periodically. I guess there's nothing to do now but GAL and let him have his affair.
We can't force anyone to do anything. Show him that you are prepared to be part of his history. NC
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
just to be clear, I support your adoptions - I just don't want him off the hook for it if he "thinks you were separated"...I want you to figure out if you can do it alone and let's hope you won't have to. I don't know how the law looks at his role if he's leaving.
But yeah so consider making your h financially responsible for that (even if he isn't going to be a big part of her life}). Can you handle it alone? If so, then there's nothing to worry about - but I always favor more support - when there's more who need support.
Make sense?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Does GAL include dating? Theoretically I'd like to, but I'm struggling with the concept the "two wrongs don't make a right". I feel I've kept my integrity throughout all of this and have found comfort in the knowledge that I've never cheated on my husband, that I've stayed true to our vows and commitment. Now that it's for certain that he will be continuing his relationship with the OW, I don't quite know what to do on my end.
Hey Viking, lets throw religion and morals to the side on the dating thing. Based on people's experiences I read here is that it will probably muddy the waters. If you have kids that may make it even more difficult in the sense that they are trying to figure out what's going on. Plus you may bring some baggage to a new R that only complicates things further.
I personally wouldn't think its right but I'm also a firm believer in doing what YOU think is right. No one feels exactly the same and has exactly the same mindset. Im sure the odds say no don't do it until this deal is resolved but hey if that's what you want go for it.
FYI - I just remembered reading some posts before that they waited years to do so and even some cases they still was not ready.
M 1.5 years, her affair was before 1 year T 7 Years
Yeah dale165, I know in my heart that it isn't right. I mean it's seriously the crux of this whole issue. However I'm honestly jealous of all the fun dates they have. They go out, go away for weekends, etc. It's torture. Plus, we always had an excellent sex life so I miss intimacy. I'm lonely. I love my kids but I need adult time. Girlfriends are wonderful, but they always want to banter around serious stuff. Thank God for that most of the time, but at this 7mth mark of the A, I need a break. I don't think this relationship is ending anytime soon.
normally I'd agree with Dale, but you have been apart for 3 years. That is a long, long time to be without any romantic love or intimacy...
You also say your h did not believe that this was an affair and that you have been separated all that time, and that it won't end soon. Which is probably true.
As for your son - I don't think you dating necessarily means bringing OM into your son's life anytime soon. You can control that. So Cross that bridge when you get to it.
(And don't rule out that you could someday model a much healthier M with a committed OM than your son is seeing now. Just saying.)
As for the DB efforts, there is a school of thought that suggests the best/only way your h may realize he'd lose you, is by fearing he's losing you to OM.
That^^ raises the issue of you "using" Om - but you can simply be honest about where you are emotionally, and see where it goes.
*Oh, and you can change your mind*.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Viking, 25 is much more eloquent than I and she gives great advice! I know you been separated for 3 years but I was under the impression you regularly seen each other and still intimate.
Just do what feels right. As 25 mentioned, using someone could happen. That is one big thing keeping me from doing it.
M 1.5 years, her affair was before 1 year T 7 Years
