A WW? (8)

[lt0402]

Got the keys to the apartment on Friday and moved most of my bigger stuff in that evening. Figured it best to just grind through it so I could spend the weekend doing the smaller things. Got furniture delivered on Saturday, and the cable turned on on Sunday. For the most part, it's now livable for D and I when W and I physically split.

I expect that'll be sometime around Fri/Sat of this week. Still need to discuss it with W and am hoping to have that firmed up by this evening. At this point it's almost like going through the motions. I'm no longer actively DB'ing, I'm just being myself (which I know is probably just a form of passively DB'ing) and am enjoying seeing me again. At this point, once we physically split, we are done. W is on her own and I am as well. We'll hopefully work together in the best interests of D, but there will never be an "us" again. Just too much pain, deceit, and lack of effort on her part to ever make me want to pursue this after having laid out so much of my soul the past year for her to trample on.

But you know what, I'm ok with that now. Selfishly, the past year has really helped me to shore myself up and I know for that I owe her. I feel like I'm in such a better place as a human being, a father, and a partner. A friend told me that everything happens for a reason, and it seems like the reason for this was to make me whole and independent again. So for that I'm thankful to my W.

W asked me to help her move a few larger items to her apartment. I'd struggled with what I'd do if she did ask when I thought through it over the past few weeks. But I instantly told her I'd be happy to help, and you know what, I absolutely meant it. It feels good to help her. It's not me to not help. Until we split, she's still my W and I'll treat her like it, even if it's only coldness I get in return. Funny part is, right after I said I'd help, she's gone into super cold mode towards me. Not unexpected, but still highlights that I want no part of this post-S.

Took D to a concert out of town yesterday on fathers day. Had an amazing time with her. She is so much fun and seeing her light up w/ joy at this thing made my week. I look forward to all the adventures her and I will have as we transition into our new home. No doubt the future is very, very bright!

[Coconut]

I think you'll find that even though it's been a year, you will still go through some big changes in attitude, mourning, and feelings once you split. There is something to the saying absence makes the heart grow fonder. I'm not saying that you are likely to change and want her back, I'm just saying that time and distance change perspectives.

Keep up your DB'ing, call it what you want but continuous improvement will increase your quality of life, whether it be by yourself or someone else. I've recently realized how many little things I stopped doing, sure I've continued with my GAL and socializing, but I allowed my self to get lazy and not shave everyday, wear "comfortable" clothes (too often) when home alone, I realized how good doing those little things made me feel about myself.

[doodler]

...but I allowed myself to get lazy and not shave everyday, wear "comfortable" clothes (too often) when home alone...

Coconut,

At least you didn't start parking your boat in your living room. I read about some guy that was watching tv while sitting in his boat in his living room; that's just craziness.

[Coconut]

wow, craziness.. I once knew of a guy that after his WW moved out of the house, wanted to paint the columns in front of the house like barber poles, hire strippers to dance on the poles and charge $30 for haircuts..

It's insane what people with sudden freedom to do whatever they want come up with, isn't it?

touche'...

[doodler]

Yeah well, you know, it's not my fault. At least my user name doesn't end with "nut."

So there!!!

[Gordie]

LT,

You are doing awesome. Congratulations on the new place and being a great dad. In terms of helping her move and stuff, you are taking the high road. If you have that in you, good for you.

[lt0402]

I think you'll find that even though it's been a year, you will still go through some big changes in attitude, mourning, and feelings once you split. There is something to the saying absence makes the heart grow fonder. I'm not saying that you are likely to change and want her back, I'm just saying that time and distance change perspectives.

Yeah, maybe. Only time will tell I guess. I just look back at all the mess of the past year and there's no way I want to re-live that. Right now I'm hoping for a good co-parenting R and I'm hoping that W finds happiness and stability for my Ds sake. I do still care about W, but I don't see any path once we split for us to come back together. Feels like I've put myself out there and she's just crapped on every part of me. But yeah, it'll be interesting to see where I am 6 months from now.

Keep up your DB'ing, call it what you want but continuous improvement will increase your quality of life, whether it be by yourself or someone else. I've recently realized how many little things I stopped doing, sure I've continued with my GAL and socializing, but I allowed my self to get lazy and not shave everyday, wear "comfortable" clothes (too often) when home alone, I realized how good doing those little things made me feel about myself.

I think I view it as just living life w/ a much more enhanced skill set than I had before. You're right that we should be trying to constantly improve ourselves and those around us. Hope you've gotten back on the wagon of doing the little things my friend! I can see how it'd be easy to fall off when you're by yourself. I'll be very cognizant to not fall back into old habits after I'm on my own. Maybe i'll get a boat for the new place! Thanks for the advice and thoughts my friend!

...but I allowed myself to get lazy and not shave everyday, wear "comfortable" clothes (too often) when home alone...

HA!

wow, craziness.. I once knew of a guy that after his WW moved out of the house, wanted to paint the columns in front of the house like barber poles, hire strippers to dance on the poles and charge $30 for haircuts..

It's insane what people with sudden freedom to do whatever they want come up with, isn't it?

touche'...

So much odd stuff happening around this place...! Seems like you'd need to charge more than $30 to cover the costs inherent in such a venture. Definitely worth it though!

LT,

You are doing awesome. Congratulations on the new place and being a great dad. In terms of helping her move and stuff, you are taking the high road. If you have that in you, good for you.

Thanks brother! We will see. Feels like the right thing to do, so I'm going with it. She'll be my W until we split, so why not?

[DonH]

How are things going LT? Are you in your apt yet? Any new developments with W? I hope you are doing well as this can be a stressful time of transition. Fill us in when you get a moment.

[JRuss]

LT -- sorry to have been away for so long. I just caught up on your sitch and, while I know it has to have its traumatic aspects, I can't help but believe this is probably best for you and your journey. I hope you and your daughter are adjusting and thriving. No one can ever say you didn't do everything in your power to keep your family together, that's for sure.

[lt0402]

Hey all, thanks for checking in. Things are going well here. Have spent the past week or so cleaning out our house before the closing, getting things into storage, and moving into D's and my new apartment. 100% focus on getting the place setup so D and I have an awesome home!

Spent my first evening w/o STBX a week ago on Friday. D stayed with her until Monday afternoon, so it let me get a lot of stuff done. Had a friend from work take me out that Saturday evening which was great to take my mind off things. The sheer exertion of the move was a good time filler too to get through that first weekend. When I grabbed D on Monday evening I was overwhelmed with joy. I had missed her so much that whole weekend. It was then that I realized it wasn't really my STBX that got me down anymore, it was knowing that 50% of my time w/ D had effectively evaporated overnight. That part is a downer, but from a glass half full perspective, 50% is much better than where STBX had started in this whole thing. So thankful for where that whole part of things has shaken out.

STBX continues to be angry and resentful. No real shocker there I guess. We were late by 10 minutes (took longer than expected to get D out of the pool and ready to go) on the first dropoff at STBXs place and all I got was vile and passive aggressive comments. STBX got mad via text that I'd accidentally grabbed some hair oil stuff when cleaning out the house. A few other things, but those are just a couple examples. It would appear, on the surface at least, that STBXs hate of me is still going strong, even with the distance bt us.

That said, i'm finding the distance to be refreshing. I'm finding the uninterrupted time with D to be amazing. D is holding up fairly well in all of this and seems to be very happy to see me and be with me during our time. Weird thing is that she becomes very neutral around me when we are around STBX for the first 10 minutes or so. Haven't quite put my finger on that one yet. But i'm keeping an eye on her and trying to be there for her in case she needs me. Regardless, she's seeing at least one parent be a stable, strong presence for her.

Still waiting on STBX to sign the S agreement. Been a few weeks since I gave it to her and have yet to hear a single word back on it. Wondering when that'll get done so this thing can come to a conclusion. Not the outcome i'd been working so hard for, but I believe I'm ready to accept it if that's what STBX wants.

D just woke up, so going to bail for a few, but will post more later. Thanks all for the thoughts! Know that i'm doing well!