Glad to hear you've chosen to protect yourself. Your WH has gone way too far. You can't let him jeopardize the well-being of your children by nuking your finances. And he can make all the threats he wants about not supporting his family.
If your WH is really bipolar, do you anticipate a depression phase to manifest itself at some point?
And if your WH is indeed bipolar, there is really little you can do to improve any of this w/o him getting professional help. Marriage is hard enough with two mentally healthy people, but with one in poor mental health, it's extremely difficult.
While your WH is in poor mental health, I think you have to be extremely vigilant about protecting your kids (their emotional health).
I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. I would too, and I do in my own situation.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
I hear what you are saying, Jeep, but I couldn't do that. Not yet. This is just too new. She's only going to be 10, still a little girl and he's still her dad. My experience as a child has shaped how I look at things as an adult. I will bend over backwards to make sure my children never feel alienated from their dad. I don't want them feeling like they need to hide their relationship or feel stuck in the middle. This has nothing to do with them and life is going to be hard enough. I did, however, decline an invitation to his family get together to celebrate a couple of birthdays including hers.
I'm not sure is the best answer I have for you, Gump. His manic episodes are not always followed by depression. Even if he did, I'm not sure I'd even know. His everyday look is pi$$ed off. The only way I've known in the past is that he gets very quiet. However, with this happening he's quiet now, so I wouldn't really see a difference.
Going back to what Jeep said... does anyone here still share birthdays/holidays with their ex for the kids? Does it work for you? I'm not sure I could handle it, but it's something I'd consider for my kids.
M:41 H:43 T:26yrs M:19 yrs S:15 D1:14 D2:9 Living together but separated
but I couldn't do that. Not yet. This is just too new. She's only going to be 10, still a little girl and he's still her dad. My experience as a child has shaped how I look at things as an adult. I will bend over backwards to make sure my children never feel alienated from their dad. I don't want them feeling like they need to hide their relationship or feel stuck in the middle. This has nothing to do with them and life is going to be hard enough. I did, however, decline an invitation to his family get together to celebrate a couple of birthdays including hers.
There is a difference between you having the party and your family. He may not be welcome there - how will that affect the party when the environment is hostile? If it were your party, then you have more control over things. Another thing you need to consider is asking permission of the ones who are throwing said party, as they may not want him there at all.
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Going back to what Jeep said... does anyone here still share birthdays/holidays with their ex for the kids? Does it work for you? I'm not sure I could handle it, but it's something I'd consider for my kids.
Only when its one of us throwing it. I won't have her at my family's place just because of all the sh*t she's done. Eff that.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
That's a tough one Jeep. My brother has a new home and wanted to have her party. There's a large age difference between my brothers and I. The youngest was a year old when I started dating WH. So for all intents and purposes he is their brother. They are upset and of course defensive of me. But my family is forgiving and tolerant and will abide by my wishes. I can't imagine he'll be comfortable there, but that's not my problem.
Heard a song for the 1st time this morning and had to go back and replay it probably a half dozen times called Better Man. Ironic that it should come on the radio now. I wish I had married a better man.
M:41 H:43 T:26yrs M:19 yrs S:15 D1:14 D2:9 Living together but separated
I strongly suggest you ask them first. Not because of your wishes, but THEIRS. It is a different ball game, and while you think he may be welcome, don't just assume he is and invite him over...after all, he isn't your husband anymore. And don't make the mistake that I did and ask them to accept him, either.
Better man? Not a bad song. I think we all wish that we had married someone better...maybe not someone different, but that our pieces of sh*t would honor their vows.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I try not to make too many assumptions, Jeep, since I tend to be wrong quite a bit lately. We had discussed it when he made the offer. But I hear you. I don't ask them to accept him, just to be respectful. I'm still attempting to play nice.
**I think we all wish that we had married someone better...maybe not someone different, but that our pieces of sh*t would honor their vows.**
Ain't that the dang truth.
M:41 H:43 T:26yrs M:19 yrs S:15 D1:14 D2:9 Living together but separated
WH was served papers on my D's birthday. I knew it was happening that day and had crying jags that came and went all day. Meanwhile, I found out from OW's fiancée that WH left work early and spent the afternoon with OW instead of coming home to spend it with his D on her special day. This just breaks my heart.
I've started packing up my house. I didn't get very far. It was not too bad at first, but midway through my closet I lost it and haven't gone back to it since.
Today was D's birthday party. It went ok. I had to hide in the bathroom a few times to pull myself together. It was almost normal. We were almost like a family. And this will be the very last time for anything remotely normal again.
I finally printed the financial documents from my attorney and started to complete them. She also requested a 1-2 page summary of our marriage.. how did we meet, what was our life like together, what led to the breakdown? It was so hard to remember all of that and try to limit my life to 1-2 pages. My head and my heart hurt. I sometimes wish I could just run away and let someone else deal with it.
M:41 H:43 T:26yrs M:19 yrs S:15 D1:14 D2:9 Living together but separated
I found out from OW's fiancée that WH left work early and spent the afternoon with OW instead of coming home to spend it with his D on her special day.
Wow. Just wow. Keep that bit of info and give it to your lawyer in case of a custody battle. It'll come in handy.
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Today was D's birthday party. It went ok. I had to hide in the bathroom a few times to pull myself together. It was almost normal. We were almost like a family. And this will be the very last time for anything remotely normal again.
Know the feeling. Every time we do something together - even if its breakfast - it seems like things have never changed.
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I sometimes wish I could just run away and let someone else deal with it.
Me too. Me too.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Gump, I honestly don't know what's happening with the house. He doesn't want it because it's never been up to his standards. His family is well off, but we aren't. He's never fully grasped that because I've bent over backwards to give him everything he's wanted. I'm not sure yet what my own financial situation is going to look like and if it will be feasible for me to stay here. I think the upkeep will be more than I can handle.
Right now I'm packing non essentials that can easily be unpacked if necessary.
Hi Jeep, thanks for stopping in. Hope you're doing well.
M:41 H:43 T:26yrs M:19 yrs S:15 D1:14 D2:9 Living together but separated
