suggested the other leave the MBR and both of us are still there.
I'm more than sure you've heard this - never, never leave the bed. Tell her that she is more than welcome to stay, but you aren't leaving. Heck, just for kicks, tell her to expect some advances throughout the night...just to see. If she goes crazy at that suggestion, then tell her she needs to leave. HAHA. Joking, of course.
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I suppose that I should anticipate this getting worse after S as she will have to face more reality.
Whether it does or doesn't is irrelevant. She may very well do that. However, what you should remember is that this is her road, and whether she faces that "reality" or not, she is traveling on it herself. Some decide that road isn't palatable and come back. Others, like mine, view the road as their own "life saving" event and don't look back. Either way, you are on your own road. It's only going to be as bumpy as you make it.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
" Relationships are hard work. The soul mate stuff is crap.
Yeah. This 100%
-- Me: 47 WW: 35 SS: 17 D: 5 T: 7 yrs Engaged: 2 yrs OEA confirmed: August 17 2016 ongoing since April 2016. OEA continues (with occasional breaks) BD2 - W says will visit OM in Jan 18
***I can tell you that since my separation and D, I still love my ex.***
Thanks for sharing that. I know I do now, but wonder if/when that will ever change.
***I sense she is still angry and resents me for my actions. She is not willing to let go of the past because she still discusses the past with respect to the kids and how my actions have affected them.***
Why is she still angry? She can't forgive you? She needs to stay angry to justify her decision to cheat and divorce?
***I think every LBS will feel abandoned, betrayed, etc. If the WAS remarries, it's just another dip on the rollercoaster for the LBS. That is why it is key to create your own life and happiness. If they don't find you attractive because they cannot let go of the past, someone else will.***
Create my own life and happiness...I know this is the answer, but it's so hard. I know I'm not alone in this, but I really did think our R was awesome and special...we were our first loves, we built a life together...we had five amazing kids...we made it to twenty years...it's just soul crushing...now I sound delusional.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Create my own life and happiness...I know this is the answer, but it's so hard. I know I'm not alone in this, but I really did think our R was awesome and special...we were our first loves, we built a life together...we had five amazing kids...we made it to twenty years...it's just soul crushing...now I sound delusional.
Gordie, my fried, you are doing just fine.
Like you, I thought my marriage was solid. Solid. I never even suspected any problems, nor did I ever think she'd, well, do what she did. We were best friends and were supposed to grow old together, you know? We have always talked of sitting on the porch watching grandchildren play. Now, that thought is gone. Not sure what to replace it with. Maybe one day. I think we all sound delusional. All of us.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I've looked at my old pictures, old emails between me and my wife, and I know I wasn't delusional. Yes, we had problems, but the bond of intense love was there too.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
I've looked at my old pictures, old emails between me and my wife, and I know I wasn't delusional. Yes, we had problems, but the bond of intense love was there too.
Gump,
Do you ever find yourself looking at old pictures/emails? Just to reminisce? Just curious. I still catch myself doing that, even with the state of things and my non-feelings toward her. Odd, eh?
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I rarely look at old emails on purpose. But I've had to search for some old emails for various paperwork, and then I take notice of the old, loving emails from my wife.
Old photos ... I don't particularly make an effort to go way back, but my photo program on my computer kind of makes it easy to scroll backward in time, so it has happened by accident.
It's easy to remember the love. A little harder to remember the conflicts.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
but my photo program on my computer kind of makes it easy to scroll backward in time, so it has happened by accident.
That's what I call it, too.
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It's easy to remember the love. A little harder to remember the conflicts
This. So very easy to remember the good times and not the bad. Funny though, we never really fought but one or two times. Not that I like fighting, but sometimes I think fighting is kind of healthy versus never fighting. Maybe its just the ex's issues I was dealing with.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Genesis 2:24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
This is why we struggle with separation and divorce. It's kinda hard to undo Gods design. We can deny it, but not undo it.
It was a failing marriage that served as a motivating factor to look upward, as we both failed to succeed in our own strength. It was his plan for marriage that helped ease the issues. Submission was not as hard as failure of our marriage. While the issues still exist, we now have a reason to set them aside. It's all a test. Of this I am convinced.
While I credit Michelle for opening my eyes to what and who I was, I give God the credit and glory for what happened in my marriage. DB was the book I found in the book store and speed read in one night over a double espresso. Some angels on this BB helped open my eyes to the WAW phenom and helped me re-center. The rest was up to me as each situation is unique. It took years for me to really understand the dynamics the best that I am able.
Like you, I thought my marriage was solid. Solid. I never even suspected any problems, nor did I ever think she'd, well, do what she did."
Thus, we find ourselves here to seek answers and support. Trying to honor a vow is not a bad thing. While it may prove impossible in this broken world, it is the right thing to do.
