Hi all. I just logged in after a long time! Maybe a year or two...cant recall. I glanced through a few posts and saw a few names I recognized so kudos to the for keeping at it!! For those who remember I used to be an active poster starting back in 2014. I figured Id throw in an update for those who used to spend a lot of time walking me through the tough times. I got divorced in May 2016...2 years from the day it was first filed. Im also very happy in my life. Things are great with me and looking back the divorce was a blessing. But dont take that as a reason to quit trying to save your marriage! The lesson is put in your very best effort, mistakes and all, so if Gods plan is for your marriage to not survive, you can look back and know you did the very best you could.
That being said, my whole saga took a huge Jerry Springer turn which caused me to quit posting out of fear she would somehow find my posts and know what I knew. A quick background my BD was back in Sept of 2013. Pretty much text book BD...she wasnt happy. Never really could say why. After a period of 6 months where I thought things were getting better, semi caught her having an A. Couldnt prove a physical affair, but knew she was seeing another guy...or two. She had finally confessed to "being friends" with a guy she worked with. Jump ahead about a year and we had been separated for about 10 months or so. Dropped my iphone in the water...had to buy a new one. Plugged it into my laptop (one we had routinely shared) and wouldnt you know...it asked if I wanted to restore from her last save. Oh the things you can learn...
The guy she was having an affair with was not some random guy from where she worked. It was her best friend's husband. Who also had a kid in my son's class. My W and I along with this guy and his wife were constantly doing couples nights out, sporting events, etc. And this had been going on for almost a year from when I first suspected an affair. Wow was I blind. All the time I had thought I was working on my marriage after the first BD she was still actively involved in a physical affair.
The strange thing though, and I really credit this web forum and the DB teachings, when I learned all of this, it did not tear me apart. What bothered the heck out of me was also learning from all her text messages that she had been drinking and driving with my kiddos. Even bragging about it to her friends. Getting drunk before picking my kids up from school on the days I was out of town working. That will do a number to your mental wellbeing.
In any event, it is all over. We are civil to each other especially around the kids. She is still very selfish and has a history of using the kids to try and exploit benefits for herself. But you cant expect a person to change.
For all of you newcomers who may read this...I really understand where you are. Things look so bleak and you have a hard time seeing past the day, let alone the long road to saving your marriage. Dont give up. Be patient. I still sing praises about this forum to everyone I meet who is going through marital difficulties. The teachings of DB and your fellow DBers will be the best things to help you get through this. If your marriage is saved, great. But even if it is not, DB helps you rebuild your self back to the old confident and strong person you were before you had your world ripped apart. So stick with it, and listen to the people who have walked the path before you. Hah, I know I did not always and I was a stubborn one at times.
For those who I knew and are still here, I hope all is going well with you. I have a buddy who I am hoping starts posting...as I know he could benefit from the support given here. So I may peek in from time to time.
Take care all!!
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
Thank you for sharing. Your story brings some hope and I'm happy for you.
- m and ww in 30s - s4 - m 11 yrs, t12 -ilybinilwy ~5/16 + request for OM - bd 7/16, confirm ea and strongly suspected pa - 9/16 ww claimed to have broken contact with om
Hey Pilot, it is so good to hear from you. I am really glad to hear you are happy. I think it encourages discouraged newcomers to know they can get through the dark journey and that life is on the other side.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
